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The custody fight is over and I feel...hollow?


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It's like I havent fully comprehended that it's over. It's good. Our lawyers were great in the conference that we had last night and they were really good at helping us negotiate. I got primary custody, support retro to Feb, my ex has Landon on his insurance and dental, and as the primary I can claim Landon on my taxes every year (the trade off is that I have to pay the first $250 of his medical bills and then we split them after $250). My ex got the time that he wanted with Landon, which is quite a bit. We all seem to be glad that it's over. And the best part is that our son will be well taken care of. To those who know my back story, I know you are wondering about him driving and drinking with the baby. It is in the court order that he is not to drive with the baby and that he is to have a 3rd party with him to pick the baby up. And neither of us can drink or do drugs around the baby. (duh...lol) So, if he is caught doing any of this, then he is in violation of the court order.

 

You would think that I'd be estatic, but I just feel hollow. A custody battle is never a good thing, and we both have worked hard to keep this from impacting Landon. Am I in some kind of emotional shock?

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Hey, it's good to hear it worked out well as far as what you hoped to achieve.

 

I'd give you a big hug and make you a cup of tea....that is one hell of a week you have had. It makes sense if you were in emotional shock at it all. Just give it some time.

 

And give that beautiful kid a nice big smooch for me.

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I'm so relieved for you Cat. Honestly, it doesn't sound like it was really a 'battle' as much as it was a negotiation..which is good. Very good.

 

You feel hollow because it's one more nail in the coffin of your relationship with Mike. It's real. You are now 'officially' living separate lives...I would suspect that for most people, 'victories' in this arena are mostly hollow....

 

Be glad it didn't have to get really ugly. Trust me. My friend is now in year 4 with no end in sight, because all his ex wants to do is 'make him pay'. The only one who is paying is the poor child, who doesn't understand why mommy isn't at 'her house' when she fails to show fro scheduled access visits (the child thinks she lives at the access centre).

 

I'm glad you and Mike were able to put Landon first and set your hurt and anger towards each other aside. Hopefully that will continue and you can have a positive co-parenting relationship....

 

Kudos on the driving condition btw...

 

Be relieved, you were probably gearing yourself up for a fight that it doesn't seem is going to happen...that will leave you with weird feeling too.

 

In all, good job!

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Yes, the process you have just been through is a very emotionally draining one. Good for you for getting through it! I'm sure now you are just processing it and it hasn't really hit that it's all done now. I felt much the same way after my divorce, I expected to feel sad, elated, SOMETHING... but it was just this hollow, surreal feeling. It wasn't until I got the actual divorce paperwork in the mail that it really hit me.

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Thanks guys. I have to admit that if it werent for our attorneys we would have killed each other by now. They both really helped keep things on track and really negotiate. Our trial is set for next Tuesday and my attorney had done all of our subpoenas, it was going to get very nasty. We were subpoenaing a counselor that Mike and I saw together, and since he doesnt report the income from the gigs he plays with his band, we were going to subpoena his whole band to substanciate the income, which woule make it public record and privy to the IRS. Again, it would have been hell...absolute hell. And who knows what he had planned for me. I was far from a saint up until I got pregnant.

 

Anyhow, I dont even feel relieved yet. Just hollow. I feel like every emotion has been pulled torturously from my body and stomped on.

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Cat I'm sure it's the shock that it's all finally over. Since you avoided a big fight and it all got settled smoothly, I bet some part is an anticlimactic moment. You were probably bracing for chaos. I'm glad it all worked out. Now you can get on to raising the wee one.

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*hugs* I'm sure its just shock honey. it was a huge chunk of your life for quite awhile. it will leave a hole, and i'm sure yu still have a hole from mike. it will just take some time to process and accept it, and feel the relief. just know that now you have it all worked out in landon's best interest.

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How do you feel today now that you've had a chance to sleep on it?

 

Relief that it's over. But that's about it. I pretty much acheived what I had set out to do, but there is no pride or gloating feeling as it was an extremely difficult thing for Mike and I to go through. I know it upset him and I know it upset me. I am just glad that it's over and I actually have an overwhelming urge to be nice to him. We had said some pretty hurtful things to each other over the past couple of months and I feel sad that we resorted to that. he and I are alot alike in that we are both very strong people who stand up and fight for what we want. We are both stubborn and obstinate. So, it was like 2 brick walls hitting each other. Not good. I am just glad it's over.

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Relief that it's over. But that's about it. I pretty much acheived what I had set out to do, but there is no pride or gloating feeling as it was an extremely difficult thing for Mike and I to go through. I know it upset him and I know it upset me. I am just glad that it's over and I actually have an overwhelming urge to be nice to him. We had said some pretty hurtful things to each other over the past couple of months and I feel sad that we resorted to that. he and I are alot alike in that we are both very strong people who stand up and fight for what we want. We are both stubborn and obstinate. So, it was like 2 brick walls hitting each other. Not good. I am just glad it's over.

 

Relief is a good feeling. Hopefully now that you know Landon's welfare is guaranteed you will be the better person you want to be in terms of how you treat Mike. You will be polite and kind and patient and this will make you feel better. As for him, you cannot control him, and you have no reason anymore to want to either (in terms of Landon's welfare the court controls him now so that you don't need to).

 

So all is good. I am sure you will feel even better as time goes on. Glad it's over.

 

How you doin with your swine flu

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Thank god the swine flu is finally gone! Man, it took like 2 weeks to get completely over it. I do not recommed it to anyone. lol

 

And Landon (fingers crossed) looks to be responding to this last (4th) round of antibiotics. And I think he is feeling a little better too.

 

Life looks good now. (I was actually afraid to post this. I am waiting for the ceiling to cave in or something. lol)

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