At what point does someone stop being picky about finding a job?

[aporia14]

Ok, so my husband is a Ph.d in Political Science. He has 12-15 years of College teaching experience. He left academia to change careers that are more lucrative but the economy took a down-turn soon after he left his job.

 

He has been unemployed for the past 3 years. He continues to send resumes out. For the past year he has been substitute teaching but many counties are on hiring freezes and may have to consider cutting teachers. He is still hopeful about getting a full-time teaching job in a public school.

 

I found a proprietary college that is hiring and he does not want to apply to these jobs because he thinks proprietary education is a joke. IMO 3 years without anything more than 25k coming in is enough to make me apply to ANY job. Is this a guy thing?

[Sanesoul]

I'm thinking it's a pride thing, considering his statement.

 

Personally, if I were that hard up for work, I would apply just about anywhere.

[Shortpants]

Yup, a job is a job is a job. Considering the length of time he has been unemployed, I would say he needs to swallow his pride and go for it. But this is also coming from a person that would work at McDonalds if she needed to pay her bills. I once went from a very well-paying cosmetics line rep position (that I left because I was being stalked and needed to dissappear), was out of work for 3 months, then took both a chambermaiding position at a hotel and cocktail waitressing job at another hotel. Yeah, it sucked the big wazoo, but I needed a job and nothing else was panning out.

 

I would suggest to him that he persues this position you found, and if somethign better comes along, great. But at least int he meantime he has something.

 

Good luck!

[itsallgrand]

So he is working tho and bringing in 25 K?

 

I don't think it's necessarily a guy thing. People often will stick to what they are doing if it works for them.

 

Maybe for him he feels comfortable as of yet with what he is making, and the level of comfort he has and so feels he can be picky still. Especially if he has you contributing to his level of comfort in life, or anyone else for that matter.

 

Usually things gotta get somewhat uncomfortable for someone to change course and suck it up to do something they feel is not on par for them.

 

Then again, he might just be being a bit of spoiled brat eh. His life sounds like it was pretty sweet so far, no wanting.

[deleted-account]

He's at the point where people aren't going to hire him because he has been out of work so long.

 

Somewhere around when unemployment runs out or about 6 months is when you need to just accept the best job you can find even if it's below your standards. You can keep looking for a better job while having an income.

[Seraphim]

It could be a pride thing. I am someone "prestigious" and should NOT have to work somewhere I find demeaning. However when the job prospects look up and someone is looking at his resume they are going to wonder WHY he did not accept other jobs elsewhere.

[abitbroken]

So by a proprietary college, you mean a "for profit" college such as University of Phoenix and the like? I can see where he would want something that would look good on a resume and would bolster his experience in the future. I can also see a point in not wanting to do anything that he would be miserable at.

 

What about working for a Tutoring center? Even if its part time at different hours that he would be substitute teaching at, so that he would be making some money while being free and available to substitute or be there when the permanent teaching job comes along?

 

Also, he may be sending resumes out but he may look WAY overqualified. What about advising him to seek someone out to help him tailor his resume several different ways to cater to a few different types of jobs he is applying for (sub teacher, high school homeroom teacher, history teacher, college lecturer, etc.)

 

I recommend he joins some clubs like Toastmasters, Rotary, or a hobby oriented club in the community to make some personal connections. Actually, something that does charity work for schools, etc might put him in touch with people who could give him a good word

 

Also, what about his hobbies? What else does he like to do? Maybe he would consider applying for a parks and rec job teaching a class over the summer? Or if he likes golf what about working at a golf course? A temp summer job is not going to hurt his resume or have to be on it.

[aporia14]

Yes, this is a "for profit" institution. He has worked part-time in the garden dept. of a local Home depot for the past two years.

 

I also think that his resume does not look very professional. He is very stubborn and "penny wise, pound foolish". I plan to take it to a resume writer and have them make some changes. of course, I am his wife so he thinks I am being judgemental, pushy, and critical even when I make a suggestion. I am very careful to watch my tone and choose my words carefully but he still thinks I am criticizing.

 

Also, he hates substitute teaching. Everyday I have to hear about how rude and disrespectful the kids are. I have asked his permission to change his resume and submit his applications. He said okay but he also said he doesn't really want the job.

 

I plan to separate our finances so, if he wants to continue to afford his expenses he will have to take what he can get.

[Hermes]

Hello Aporia:

 

Evidently, this thread ties in with your other threads about your current marital situation. It all sounds rather stressful and unpleasant.

 

Hermes

[abitbroken]

You have to be careful with the resume thing. My ex husband had a long period of not working. Well, technically he had work - he worked for himself but he went through a big rut. Any constructive criticism was interpreted as tearing him down. You don't have to have a fancy resume for it to be good. It can be on the plainest paper but from what you are saying, maybe its about what it says. Resumes are changing - I heard recently that people are dropping the "objective" part because its pretty obvious what your objective is - getting the job. Its now a bit outdated. I think the best thing to do would be to go through the process of updating your resume even if you are happy at your job just to brush it up. Some people get the idea only when they think that its their idea or they are seeing it work for someone else rather than being "told." Maybe if you brush up yours and tell him what you have learned, he will absorb some of it.

 

Also, when a wife goes to "educate" a husband (this goes the other way too) at something that is his expertise and not hers, it is not even saying it in a nice tone - he feels she doesn't respect him or thinks he is not good at what he does. if you were direct colleagues in professional roles he might take it differently. So that may be more of what is going on. He needs to feel like the provider or the one with the expertise in his field and when the tables are turned and you tell him what to do it crumbles.

 

I honestly don't think you should completely separate your finances. I think you should talk to your husband about a separate account, etc, - don't blindside him by keeping money from him -- when men are down and a woman takes away his input in financial decisions he feels that she is trying to leave him or he feels even more useless. He may also be depressed but is not admitting it

[aporia14]

I honestly don't think you should completely separate your finances. I think you should talk to your husband about a separate account, etc, - don't blindside him by keeping money from him -- when men are down and a woman takes away his input in financial decisions he feels that she is trying to leave him or he feels even more useless. He may also be depressed but is not admitting it

 

I do agree with everything you are saying and that is why I have hung on for the past 3 years. I am separating our finances for several reasons. One of which, I do not want to be responsible for helping him to pay his child support anymore. Also, I am seriously considering leaving him and he does not seem to understand how serious I am about it. I have tried to ask about couples counseling and he is not interested. I have ask him to go and see someone on his own and he is not intersted so, I need to do this for me.

[abitbroken]

I do agree with everything you are saying and that is why I have hung on for the past 3 years. I am separating our finances for several reasons. One of which, I do not want to be responsible for helping him to pay his child support anymore. Also, I am seriously considering leaving him and he does not seem to understand how serious I am about it. I have tried to ask about couples counseling and he is not interested. I have ask him to go and see someone on his own and he is not intersted so, I need to do this for me.

 

I didn't know about the child support. I think that it is a wise idea unless the court considers your income as his ability to pay, and then you should encourage him to review the agreement or go to the court yourself. Keeping a separate account is a good idea. I would still be tempted to say "i am opening an account to keep things separate form child support. I will pay our bills but not that, etc." just so there is no secrecy. But that's just me. In the case of divorce he could use the "secret accounts" as that you were hiding something from him perhaps.

[Hermes]

Hello Aporia:

 

I am glad to see that you are thinking on these issues with clarity. I strongly advise a separate account.

I don't know the law of the land where you live, but every and any person is entitled to have a bank account of his or her own. And you do not have to tell others about it. Even if one is married, one is still a separate entity, not an appendage of someone else's. IMO every women should have some money put somewhere so that she does have the means of looking after herself when the going gets rough.

 

 

Aporia, he evidently is not interested in rowing the boat along with you. It is a red flag that he will not even consider going to see a counsellor with you, or without.

 

In any case, do seek legal advice. A visit to a lawyer (and you do not have to tell him or anyone else you are doing this) will be money well spent.

 

Take care and good luck

Hermes

[lucyblue10]

As he's a PhD looking for careers outside of academia I would suggest that he joins WRK4US an email discussion list which provides help, support and advice. It can be found at: link removed where there's info about subscribing. As a member I can remember various discussions about moving into teaching.

 

There's also an archive of WRK4US career discussions which has advice and information on specific careers e.g. academic publishing, working for non profits etc., or the job search e.g. writing a resume. See link removed

 

Hope this helps.

[aporia14]

Thank you so much! Lucyblue10 I will certainly pass it along.