Just found out mom has cervical cancer...

[millaj]

I was visiting in California the past three weeks & while I was there she got a biopsy done. During that time I got a in a huge fight with my dad who is also sick & I severed ties with him. There is a long history of emotional abuse there too & my mother taking his side always. I'm 30 and I just decided to walk away and start my life over, free from the emotional baggage I've carried for all these years.

 

Well I got an e-mail from my mother today telling me about her diagnosis. I just got back to New York where I live and have been planning to move to Ohio for University next week. The day I am going to Ohio for orientation, is the day my mother is having her surgery to remove her uterus. I talked to her and she told me that everything is going to be okay & it may just be an outpatient procedure.

 

I'm wondering if I should just pack up and move back home to be closer & be there for her surgery & otherwise. I'm trying to be strong, but I can feel the stress & worry over me, but I know that it isn't going to help. My girlfriend is a uterus cancer survivor & she told me to be strong for my mother, because she needs me. My mom told me that my father is stressing over the whole thing and being really weak too. So I told her I would be the strong one.

 

Honestly, I don't know how I am going to be the strong one. I have anxiety disorder and have been going through some depression this year. Also, five years ago I lost my six month old son to a birth defect. I've been strong for a long time and this year I was choosing to have my weak moments. I want to be there for her & strong, but I am so worried.

 

I talked to her on the phone and told her if she needs me just let me know and I'll move back out there. She said just as long as I keep talking to her and being there for her on the phone she is going to be fine. I'm in a moment of transition with moving & stuff, so I am wondering if I should just make the decision to move back out there. My concern is the stress I already have with my father & knowing that, me being around could make things worse on everyone.

 

Do you have any advice? Thanks.

[flyoffthewall]

So sorry to hear this. You've really had more than your fair share of painful family experiences. I mostly wanted to write to say that, as I cannot imagine what it must be like to face much of what you have.

 

I can relate to family stress and bearing the burden, though. A sibling of mine was arrested a few years ago and I felt that I had to play that role, though it was difficult, given some of my own frustration and pain with emotional family issues.

 

I would recommend that you do what you can for your mother. You are not obligated to take on more than your share of this -- you have the right to be as strong as you can be and not have to be strong for your father, too. That is his responsibility, whether or not he chooses to fulfill it. Your mother likely realizes this and will probably appreciate anything that you can do to help.

 

Again, I am sorry to hear of your situation and I wish you the best.

[millaj]

Thank you @ Flyoffthewall

 

I think she realizes that too. I know she is scared, but she has a strong spirit.

 

With my moving & her going through this, these coming weeks are going to keep me on my toes.

 

I just don't want to make any decisions I end up regretting later if you know what I mean. Eeek.