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Asking out 2 different women that know each other?


tf987

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I'm going to try dating non-monogamously for a while -- and two of the women that I'm thinking of asking out happen to know each other -- one of them has already hit on me but it is the other I plan to ask out first.

 

These women aren't close friends - they they just know each other - but they are also facebook friends (we all met on a trip last month).

 

Anyway this brings up a general question, mainly if an ask is declined. I don't mind being declined - kinda like sales - but how comfortable are women (or anybody for that matter) around people that have asked them out and they then declined?

 

I'm trying to avoid creating an awkward vibe for anybody in this group - but I'm also trying to "think less" about these things and just act more.

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You can ask one out, and if she declines, ask out the other.

 

I would NOT advise asking one out, and she accepts, and you go out with her, then ask the other and go out with her too. Not unless you want them both thinking you are a dirtbag!

 

You might be wanting to date non exclusively, but a lot of women get real sensitive about that...hence many posts on these sites about this very thing!

 

I can just imagine the facebook interchanges on this one between the two when they realize you are going out with them both (if you do that)!!!!

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You can ask one out, and if she declines, ask out the other.

 

I would NOT advise asking one out, and she accepts, and you go out with her, then ask the other and go out with her too. Not unless you want them both thinking you are a dirtbag!

 

You might be wanting to date non exclusively, but a lot of women get real sensitive about that...hence many posts on these sites about this very thing!

 

I can just imagine the facebook interchanges on this one between the two when they realize you are going out with them both (if you do that)!!!!

 

Okay, how about this situation... one of them isn't ready... coming out of divorce from a very long marriage... I like her but I also don't want to just wait around.

 

The other is ready to go now... if I date her... then it ends on friendly terms... have I ruined my shot at the other if/when she is ready?

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^^not necessarily. They dont sound like best friends or anything...but I would wait a reasonable amount of time before going from one to another.

 

The problem in this is you are already discounting woman #2 thinking it isn't going to work out. Not a very positive mindset for a new date!

 

I can't tell you how many men I knew who had a crush or a thing for one woman, and a second that was kind of a 'second best' but it ended up they actually hooked up with #2 and fell hard for her, and totally forgot about that first one.

 

You never know!

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^^not necessarily. They dont sound like best friends or anything...but I would wait a reasonable amount of time before going from one to another.

 

The problem in this is you are already discounting woman #2 thinking it isn't going to work out. Not a very positive mindset for a new date!

 

I can't tell you how many men I knew who had a crush or a thing for one woman, and a second that was kind of a 'second best' but it ended up they actually hooked up with #2 and fell hard for her, and totally forgot about that first one.

 

You never know!

 

I'm open to it working out with #2 - but I'm very picky and I'm looking for a LTR now and I think you just have to date a lot of people to find the right one - so it isn't that I'm discounting her so much as trying and seeing. You know.. the old.... "you have to kiss a lot of frogs".

 

I just want to know how bad it is to kiss two frogs from the same pond

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Honesty is key here. If girl number two doesn't know that she is just to hold you over or just a jump off, then it's wrong to start something with her. That being said, it will be much easier to pull off if she just thinks you want to be with her.

 

Anyway, I think this is something that you have enough game for or you don't, and no amount of advice from an internet forum is going to help.

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I think as long as you wait a decent amount of time between dating both, you should be ok. But there is a bit of a higher risk for potential drama since the two are friends. If anything, it might be a bit awkward, but it depends on how close they are really.

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I think as long as you wait a decent amount of time between dating both, you should be ok. But there is a bit of a higher risk for potential drama since the two are friends. If anything, it might be a bit awkward, but it depends on how close they are really.

 

They aren't close - we all met on a trip and everybody added each other on facebook.

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It sounds to me like you are simply looking to rack up dating numbers. It doesn't seem like you have any genuine interest in the second one, you just want to date her for the sake of dating someone and since the other one isn't quite ready yet you may as well sample #2. How about this...instead of dating #2 simply because #1 isn't available and you need to boost your dating numbers, why not forget about #2 and just put yourself on a dating site. On the dating site you can go out with countless women and this way you are not dipping into the same pond with someone you are rather lukewarm about.

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I also don't agree with the 'kissing a lot of frogs' theory. Sounds like a recipe for herpes ...lol but in all seriousness and point being, I know people in their 40s and 50s who dated maybe three or four people their entire adult lives and those three or four or one or two of them people turning into longterm.

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I'm lukewarm about most women until get to know them better... and I'm not talking about leading her on or "racking up numbers" I'm talking about getting out there more.

 

As to dating sites, I don't like them much - I prefer meeting people through some natural activity.

 

Thanks for your opinion though. I welcome them all

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I'm lukewarm about most women until get to know them better... and I'm not talking about leading her on or "racking up numbers" I'm talking about getting out there more.

 

As to dating sites, I don't like them much - I prefer meeting people through some natural activity.

 

Thanks for your opinion though. I welcome them all

 

You sound like me. I have a hard time dating someone right out of the gate and feeling a lot of attraction since for me, attraction is linked to how much I enjoy them as a person overall. Why not try setting out to make new friends first, and date someone that really 'gets to you' after being friends a bit?

 

I think the main reason I am this way is because you are (or I know I am) far more relaxed with male friends then I am on first, second and sometimes even third dates with a man I just met. There is more pressure to be on your date game, vs relaxed, joking, and letting your guard down.

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You sound like me. I have a hard time dating someone right out of the gate and feeling a lot of attraction since for me, attraction is linked to how much I enjoy them as a person overall. Why not try setting out to make new friends first, and date someone that really 'gets to you' after being friends a bit?

 

I think the main reason I am this way is because you are (or I know I am) far more relaxed with male friends then I am on first, second and sometimes even third dates with a man I just met. There is more pressure to be on your date game, vs relaxed, joking, and letting your guard down.

 

Hmm where do you live? Lol, kidding.

 

I do like the friends idea, but i've found that some women seem to get frustrated waiting for me to decide if I'm ready to be more than friends. I had a thread over in the shyness forum about one of these women that invited me into her room after dinner one evening (on a group trip) to rub aloe on her back - and I didn't bust a move on her because I was going for being friends first. She since cooled off and I really liked her (she is the one coming off of the divorce).... so.... I'm trying to change my tack.

 

The one I'm planning to ask out now was also trying to flirt with me - but she is more of the bookish type (has a PhD) and wasn't as skilled at it - but I'm starting to take notice of her.

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If the women arent close then it probably wont be a problem unless they become close. If you plan on hanging out with this group of people that you went on a trip with then there might be some drama but personally, ask them both out. It is just a date, and there is no indication that both will say yes, the situation can be more complicated if the girls begin communicating more and you get more serious with one and not the other.

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