Dying a little inside

[Katcher]

I'm gay but haven't come out yet. I've come out to a few close friends and to my brother all of whom are being extremely supportive. It hasn't really bothered me before now but lately I've been really, really lonely, I mean I'm losing sleep over it I don't know any other gay guys and the closest I've got Is a girl how I've come out to. Is there anything I can do, or is someone else going through the same thing. please help.

[Dixiegirl]

Hi Katcher,

 

Well...I'm not exactly who you had in mind. I'm a heterosexual female and have not lived through what you're living through. But...it's my first night on this forum and your posting caught my eye (and my heart). I'm going through a break-up.

 

I know we're both going through two very different experiences. But here is the common thread: we're both just being truthful to who we are.

 

So just sending you a big e-hug. And letting you know it will get easier. I only know that for certain from male friends I have who actually DID live through what you're living through, and they came out SHINING. you will too.

 

It is already so heroic of you to be coming to terms with who you really ARE and wanting to honour that by living an honest life about it. So many many people don't ever take that brave step.

 

I know it is scary now....and lonely too....but this WILL be for your great happiness in the long run. For now....focus on the long run. Try using the "10, 10, 10" rule. THis is kinda cool. I read about it in a book. It helps you see your current situation with perspective.

 

Here's what you do:

 

- You think about how your current issue (in your case, Coming Out, in my case my current Break-Up) will affect you life in 10 minutes from now

 

- Then think about how it will affect your life 10 months from now

 

- Then think about how it will affect your life 10 years from now

 

I strongly believe that in BOTH our cases, honey, we're going to come out smiling bigger and brighter. Not just in 10 years, but even in the next 10 months. The next 10 minutes? Ok those might still suck. But it will get

easier.

 

Let's just hang in there with us.

 

And I believe that these brave choices we're all making can only lead us to GOOD THINGS. Being true to yourself-----only good can come of this.

 

So lots of love, & chin up

 

dixiegirl

[Katcher]

Dixigirl,

Thank you for such support and really I'm sorry to hear about your break up ,but from your last post I would say it's his loss the 10,10,10 rule has really given me something to think about I'm glad to know there are people out there who see a post like this and empathise instead of just laugh.

 

Thankyou again

 

Katcher

[ceez]

I'm in that same situation. I'm out to a couple people and I've been fine with being alone until now. I want to be in a relationship badly but I still don't want certain people to find out about it and I'm extremely shy. I think I'll give the 10 10 10 thing a try also, but I usually get really depressed if I think about it too much. and don't worry about people laughing at your post they're pretty nice here.

[Dixiegirl]

Katcher I have happy tears in my eyes reading you latest post. Even though it's just typed words, I can actually HEAR the difference in your tone. Lighter. Hopeful. (And it sounds wonderful).

 

My ex and I just exchanged-back our keys to each other's apartments. Big milestone in the "break-up journey" and lots of emotion. So I damn well needed a smile. So thank you.

 

Thinking of you & cheering you on

 

Dixiegirl

[OverlyStoic]

ceez and Katcher, I totally know how you feel. I'm in that same "becoming-comfortable-with-my-sexuality-and-telling-a-few-people-and-basking-in-their-love-and-acceptance-but-still-wanting-someone-to-love-and-accept-you-in-a-greater-way" stage....and breathe. xD

 

Just don't fall for the first person to show you any kind of affection past friendship. The debonair Casanovas who finally make you feel wanted are often the same jerks who will leave you hurting in the end.

 

It really sucks being there if you guys feel the same as I do, and I hope that things start looking up for all of us, dixiegirl included. By the way, I love that 10-10-10 thing, dixie.

[Katcher]

Thanks all this is exactly what I needed. Stotic and ceez I'm glad to hear I'm not alone on this one and stress from school isn't helping how do you guys try and cope with it. Dixi hope your allright and glad to hear I could be of help

[ceez]

I try to make time for myself to do something I enjoy, for me its basketball and video games.

 

dixiegirl I hope everything work out for you, maybe you should do the same, pick up a hobby to get your mind off him.

[Dixiegirl]

You're so right Ceez....thanks for your thoughts.

 

Have a great weekend

[OverlyStoic]

I'm totally with ceez on video games. You should also try to surround yourself with friends as much as possible. It stops you from being alone and thinking about the things that upset you. If you're comfortable enough, though, I'd try finding a gay youth group in your area and take along one of your "in the know" friends so it's not awkward.