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Women, what is the oldest guy you'd date?


riverhead

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by that I mainly mean largest age gap, and what might change that?

 

For example, if Jack Nicholson asked you out, and he was 30 years older than you... would you go?

 

I'm asking because I get a lot of women more than 10 years younger than me flirting with me -- and I'm guessing they don't realize I'm that much older than them. This tends to give me pause as I wonder to myself if its my responsibility to let them know my age when this happens?

 

I had one situation a few years ago with a women that I was seeing - she wasn't actually my first choice at the time so I played it cool on the first few dates (mountain biking and going to dinner, etc) while I was seeing how things played out with the other one (the one I liked more).

 

Finally the first women asked me my age, and when I told her she was really surprised (I was 13 years older than her). That was the end of it - plus I think she got tired of my not busting a move on her and she met another guy.

 

Anyway, if you met a guy and saw him a few times and starting liking him and he didn't mention his age and you found out later that he was 10 or more years older than you - would you be pissed?

 

To be clear, I never lie about my age when asked - I just don't bring it up even though women often seem to drop hints to let me know their age.

 

I'm asking because I'm looking to eliminate all of the negative thoughts that I have in my head while meeting women and flirting, etc, and my age tends to pop up in my head - because I do know lots of women that don't want to go more then 5 years over... but my last serious GF was 11 years younger than me.

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When I was in my early-mid 20's I mostly dated older guys 10-15 years older. Not sure why. The oldest guy I ever dated was 17 years older I was 21 he was 38. Now, I probably would want someone within a few years. I am now 39 and want a guy who's 42 so that's a good range now. Oddly, years ago I rejected him because at the time I dated older men. I wished I hadn't.

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17. Because one day J Mascis might be single.

 

No, seriously I think 10-12 years older is probably the highest I'd go without concern.

 

Thanks, but newwave's response has me thinking. I wonder if your range will decrease as you get older? If you were single at 35... would you date up to 47 if the guy seemed like a good fit otherwise?

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Jack Nicholson is just creepy, blech!

 

To be clear, I never lie about my age when asked - I just don't bring it up even though women often seem to drop hints to let me know their age.

 

Why don't you bring it up. While you may never lie when asked, omission of information can also be a form of deceipt. I think age is very important to get out in the open in a dating situation so that everyone is on the same page and can make an informed decision as to whether they want to pursue the relationship. Some people don't care about age gap relationships but some do. Age eventually comes out so why not do it sooner rather than later.

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Thanks, but newwave's response has me thinking. I wonder if your range will decrease as you get older? If you were single at 35... would you date up to 47 if the guy seemed like a good fit otherwise?

 

 

I have considered that as I get older, the older men will start wanting younger ladies. So I shall be forced into becoming a cougar.

 

I think it's most likely though. At my age I think that 12 years difference is not massive. But I'm in the middle, it's at the edges where it becomes more pronounced. I probably wouldn't have dated a 28 year old at 16 and I can't see myself dating a 62 year old at 50. But life happens and you never really know, do you?

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My on and off boyfriend is turning 42 this year, and I'm 28... That's almost a 14 year gap. Most men I've dated have always been 10+ years older than me as I don't really associate well with men my age. But I can tell that the older I get, the smaller the gap becomes. While I dated guys 15 years my senior, I probably would not do that once I'm let's say... 40. I'd probably most likely stick to guys in my 40's when I'm there... Can't say though since I'm not there yet...

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Jack Nicholson is just creepy, blech! .

 

Then pick your favorite heart throb - my point is the same... is your age gap limit hard and fast or is it flexible depending on who it is?

 

Why don't you bring it up. While you may never lie when asked, omission of information can also be a form of deceipt. I think age is very important to get out in the open in a dating situation so that everyone is on the same page and can make an informed decision as to whether they want to pursue the relationship. Some people don't care about age gap relationships but some do. Age eventually comes out so why not do it sooner rather than later

I don't bring it up because part of me likes the fact that I get mistaken for a younger guy so often. I don't avoid the topic, but I don't normally start that topic either. Perhaps it isn't that important to me if I'm attracted to the other person. If it is important to the other person - I let them bring it up. If the other person is obviously way too young for me - then I do drop a hint.

 

...and did you answer the question? What is your age gap limit?

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From experience: I dated someone 18 years older and it did not work. I would NEVER ever do it again. I found that he was more needy than the ones closer to my age. Now I am dating someone 2 years younger and love it. He is ironically more mature and intelligent, AND has a steadier job than the one 18 years older. Crazy how he has his head on straighter.

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To a lot of people ago doesn't matter at all but sadly to me, it does. Ten years older doesn't sound like a lot but if I were to be with someone 10 years older than me, that would mean he would be 38 and to me, that seems too much of a gap.

 

I think it's probably about 5 years for me but I do think a lot of women prefer older men because they are more mature and seem to offer a sense of security.

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...I wonder if your range will decrease as you get older? If you were single at 35... would you date up to 47 if the guy seemed like a good fit otherwise?

 

I think it's the reverse. The older that the younger person is the less important the age gap becomes. For example, a 20 year old and a 35 year old is gross. A 30 year old and a 45 year old is much less so. A 40 year old and a 55 year old seems pretty normal.

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I think it's the reverse. The older that the younger person is the less important the age gap becomes. For example, a 20 year old and a 35 year old is gross. A 30 year old and a 45 year old is much less so. A 40 year old and a 55 year old seems pretty normal.

 

Not necessarily..their life stage is completely different. People tend to identify with their own age group because they share the same growing up period...the values of the times in which they grew up. I grew up in the 70's and really don't connect with the generation who grew up in the 60's. Likewise someone who grew up in the 70's grew up in a completely different mindset than the 80's. A woman who marries a man 15 years her senior likely chooses friends in her own age group rather than friends 15 years her senior. How often does a 20 year old dating a 40 year old have 40 year old friends that are not simply the friends of the partner.

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I've had 4 boyfriends and all have been slightly younger than me (at most, 2 years).

 

I don't think it'd be logical to date someone more than 5 years older than myself. I plan on doing many things before marriage and children. Older typically means wanting to get married sooner and have children sooner. I probably won't be at that stage for another 6 or 7 years. I don't want to make someone wait for me like that. I'd rather go through that time growing at the same rate as my partner. Neither waiting, neither making up time.

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Not necessarily..their life stage is completely different. People tend to identify with their own age group because they share the same growing up period...the values of the times in which they grew up. I grew up in the 70's and really don't connect with the generation who grew up in the 60's. Likewise someone who grew up in the 70's grew up in a completely different mindset than the 80's. A woman who marries a man 15 years her senior likely chooses friends in her own age group rather than friends 15 years her senior. How often does a 20 year old dating a 40 year old have 40 year old friends that are not simply the friends of the partner.

 

I don't put a hard cap on things. I have briefly gone out with guys 10+ years my senior... and though it felt a little weird maybe, I was attracted and there was certainly nothing "gross" about it at all. If I was attracted to someone even older... I wouldn't instantly count them out based on age.

 

One thing that can give me pause though... is just what CAD posted above... the generation gap thing. It is harder to relate to those who aren't in your age group. There are a lot of little things that you won't share together - many of them being emotional connection type things, memory things. You can have a lot in common, and attraction, but that dimension of understanding might tend to lack a bit.

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I don't put a hard cap on things. I have briefly gone out with guys 10+ years my senior... and though it felt a little weird maybe, I was attracted and there was certainly nothing "gross" about it at all. If I was attracted to someone even older... I wouldn't instantly count them out based on age.

 

One thing that can give me pause though... is just what CAD posted above... the generation gap thing. It is harder to relate to those who aren't in your age group. There are a lot of little things that you won't share together - many of them being emotional connection type things, memory things. You can have a lot in common, and attraction, but that dimension of understanding might tend to lack a bit.

 

Speaking of generation gap things, I'm surprised to see somebody that is only 30 with an avatar taken from oingo boingo... I doubt you grew up listening to them? Everybody I know that likes them is nearly 40 or older.

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I've only ever dated within a few years of my age - the younger guys seemed so, so much younger, and the older guys were, ironically, not any more mature or stable. I went on a few dates recently with a guy who's almost 10 years my senior, and the generation gap was just too wide. We had little to talk about.

 

Ideally, I think I should be dating men about 4 or 5 years older than myself. That's enough for them to be more mature, but not of a totally different generation.

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Someone mentioned the generation gap, and that's the main reason my relationships didn't work. We were so apart in age that we didn't like the same things mostly. One of my exes was a stoner in the 70's while I was a child. There really is a gap when you date much older.

 

Oh and these older guys who want young girls really sicken me. It's gross. I didn't think so at the time but now that I am the same age they were when they dated me, I really see how sick it is. Plus because they are older there is an unbalance. Many of these guys date young girls either to control them or for arm candy. I didn't realize this at the time but do now. I remember when I was younger I used to think the women who were their age were probably ugly and they wanted better. Now I am that age and cringe at that attitude.

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Speaking of generation gap things, I'm surprised to see somebody that is only 30 with an avatar taken from oingo boingo... I doubt you grew up listening to them? Everybody I know that likes them is nearly 40 or older.

 

Ah... well ok.. there are exceptions to the generation thing.... or rather... it stretches a bit with some people I grew up highly musical even from a young age. "Dead Man's Party" was in fact the first album I ever owned. I was 6. The love continued from there.

 

The guy I'm dating though... 5 years younger than me and there are a whole bunch of songs/bands that we just don't share even from that gap.

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my last relationship was with a man 12 years older than me. i think that's my limit. i had issues with it on the beginning, but the age difference never really made a diff. except when i thought about having kids. then it kinda bothered me. we shared the same taste in music, film, leisure....

 

but he was a bit more settled and homebody than I'd prefer, having already been married and owned home while I still wanted to live NYC life (as a couple). but i don't think that was nec an age diff. factor

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I usually date men around 6-7 years older, but I would go to 10. I have always had chemistry with these men and a lot in common. I don't think it's good to restrict to a narrow age gap.

 

But TOO much older and you run the risk of just not having enough in common.

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I think at this point in my life, 22 and about to graduate from college, about 5 years older is as high as I'd go. I think a lot of older men would be looking to "settle down", and while I'm not looking for a wild decade in my 20s I'm still trying to figure myself out, and figure out what I want from life - and am not sure I am ready for marriage/children within the next few years. To be honest, I also think I'd feel intimated and immature in front of an older man who had his life together, and a 30 year old who was still living the college life would be a bit of a turn-off.

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Oh and these older guys who want young girls really sicken me. It's gross. I didn't think so at the time but now that I am the same age they were when they dated me, I really see how sick it is. Plus because they are older there is an unbalance. Many of these guys date young girls either to control them or for arm candy. I didn't realize this at the time but do now. I remember when I was younger I used to think the women who were their age were probably ugly and they wanted better. Now I am that age and cringe at that attitude.

 

What is sick about wanting younger girls? I personally prefer them 5-9 years younger than me simply because a girl in that age group (16-20) are generally prettier and less experienced sexually as well. Not to mention that too many girls decide to put on weight once they pass 21. There are of course rare exceptions. 16 is the legal age where I'm from if anyone were about to get upset. I don't see why I should not fancy 25 year olds when I have turned 35 however.

 

 

The guy I'm dating though... 5 years younger than me and there are a whole bunch of songs/bands that we just don't share even from that gap.

 

So, you think anything in regards to this should be based on what sounds you like to enter your ear? What on earth does that have to do with wether or not a relationship works.

 

 

To be honest, I also think I'd feel intimated and immature in front of an older man who had his life together, and a 30 year old who was still living the college life would be a bit of a turn-off.

 

What do you mean when you say a 30 year old can live "the college life"? I assume it is just an expression of a lifestyle rather than that he is in college.

Personally I plan to attend a university/college when I have my financial goal reached. If all continues on it's current path I will be at that point at the age of 30. Which means I will be living "the college life" at the age of 30, nice

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