SingleStar Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 Guys: if you ditched a girl probably because the sex was bad...nerves whatever..and she knows from past experience she definitely isnt bad in bed and then she turned up on your doorstep pushed you up the stairs a few weeks later and basically corrected that issue what would you think of her? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sophie274 Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 Oh God this sounds like an absolute terrible idea. You are putting yourself at a very high risk of complete humiliation. The scene you're picturing where you show up at his doorstep and seduce him silly is from a movie and not from real life. It is highly likely that he will reject you, or that he will have sex with you but still not be interested in a relationship with you. Besides, "bad" in bed seems like it would be highly subjective - how are you so sure you will change his mind? If the sex was just bad because of nerves, I assume that meant it was just once or twice - in which case I would think a man who was honestly interested in dating/having a relationship with you would at least give it another try before calling it quits. My intuition is that he's not that interested, and I think it's time to move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoomba Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 did he actually say thats why he dumped you? or are you assuming thats why? if he did thats pretty rude but also very obvious that he cares very little to want to change it.. if not then just chill out and let things settle for a while, get the idea of sexing yourself back into his goodbooks out of your head, its not a good idea! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragunov-21 Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 Maybe you should make sure you've got it... (I'll be up in the old chateau in 15 minutes, there's no pressure >_> ) Seriously though, you'll be under even more pressure this time... what if it happens again? Then, without judgemental, you'll probably look like "that desperate girl", and run the risk of being described that way if he's shooting it with his mates. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SingleStar Posted April 6, 2010 Author Share Posted April 6, 2010 LOL its not something i am thinking of doing dont worry!.... i had a dream about it last night. though i had had this happen dated a guy, who emotionally was perfect, but the sex was not great other than an odd alchohol fuelled one off. we were getting more comfortable tho and learning how to deal with his issues. i was nervous as hell. we tried again 5 months later and though a day prior the passion was there, this time it was another dud... he ran off the next day then last night i had a dream about that... weird! so thought id ask what people thought. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 Why would you want to be with someone who ditched you because of bad sex. Was this a relationship or was this one of those 'several casual dates" where the guy decides if he interested based on sexual performance. Why would you want someone like that anyway. You are so much more than a trampoline for a man to bounce on. Don't waste your time...find someone who likes you for you and is not just looking for sex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SingleStar Posted April 6, 2010 Author Share Posted April 6, 2010 Why would you want to be with someone who ditched you because of bad sex. Was this a relationship or was this one of those 'several casual dates" where the guy decides if he interested based on sexual performance. Why would you want someone like that anyway. You are so much more than a trampoline for a man to bounce on. Don't waste your time...find someone who likes you for you and is not just looking for sex. i like the trampoline analogy....... i guess im just focussing on that in my dreams....... did he actually say thats why he dumped you? or are you assuming thats why? if he did thats pretty rude but also very obvious that he cares very little to want to change it.. assuming i guess Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Dark Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 If you the sex was bad more than just a few times then it's not going to change. If the guy ditches you because of bad sex sometimes, he isn't worth it. No one can be on their game every time. Especially if they are drunk. Personally I believe no one is at peak performance when they're drunk. Quite frankly, usually their lowest performance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatsMeeoow Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 It takes time for couples to work out sex related issues... but I mean as long as you are trying and you both have compatible sex drives... Its a rare event that sex is spectacular right from the gate... Perhaps when pushed for an answer that may have been something he listed but possibly not the most important issue... most likely its a lot of different little things. Its so hard when we fall for someone to accept that they just may not have fallen that hard for us in return - it happens for a variety of reasons and not specifically because there is anything wrong with you. I fell hard for a guy a few years ago and while it appeared he wanted me equally he was just going through some really bad crap in his life... I was the easiest thing to let go of... one less stressful thing in his day... Now looking back nearly 4yr later he is realizing what he let go of.... I have moved on but not before I sat miserable for many months wondering what the heck happened and was very sad for a long time. The best advice is to relish who you are!!!! And, if this guy didn't hang around long enough to see it... well how unfortunate for him!!!! But, don't let this stop you from your journey... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fLuiD Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 Different people have different tastes in sexual activity. You might be a stud in bed for one type of sex, but your partner might not be into that kind of sex. Its just a lucky roll of the dice if you find someone who you are sexually compatible with. If he didn't like your 'style' then just find someone who does like your style, and enjoy it with them. You can't please everyone, ya know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SingleStar Posted April 6, 2010 Author Share Posted April 6, 2010 ok ill be honest here: if i drink innabitions go and i have often had great wild sex... and yes there have been people that its awsome pretty much form the start.. other times i get scared and nervous and its taken a while to get good! this guy..... he isnt well endowed (doesnt bother me but obviously botheres him) and had a prem problem. previously he would never try foreplay it was just a roll on top of me thing... id be ok then get embarrassed ( i think it was more cos i wasnt into it) he would moan at me saying it was my problem and that we didnt do many positions... he never tried( admitidly i never told him how i felt i was just annoyed at getting embarrased) things were getting better... i gave him great head and my confidence was rising. this time when we were back dating we had better chemisty when it was kissing etc... but he came over for a booty call and pretty much poked at me with his fingers ( firt time ever) then rolled on me and humped at me till i made an excuse that my leg hurt! i knwo i could have tried to make it better... be more assertive..... i have never really had an issue there.... even if we work on it... he pretty much ditched me ( well i never heard from him again) the next day after a family meal... with no explination... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
corrin Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 Different people have different tastes in sexual activity. You might be a stud in bed for one type of sex, but your partner might not be into that kind of sex. Its just a lucky roll of the dice if you find someone who you are sexually compatible with. If he didn't like your 'style' then just find someone who does like your style, and enjoy it with them. You can't please everyone, ya know. Very true. I dated a girl for a year and the sex just wasn't that great. It wasn't her fault and I don't think it was mine. We just didn't mesh well together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 you said you assumed he broke things off due to bad sex. but maybe it was because he didn't feel a click with you or because he wants to get back with his ex? besides, even if you go and have mind blowing sex with him, that's not really enough to base a relationship on, is it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 Sounds like a lot of the focus - yours and his - was on the physical/technical aspects of sex like his size, what positions work, etc - rather than the emotional side. That explains why you chose to get drunk before having sex, to fill in what would have been there naturally if you had a true overall connection. Some people enjoy sex just for the physical and technical aspects, and judge whether it's good or bad based on that. Others need to feel emotionally close to the person. My guess is the sex wasn't satisfying for him because there wasn't that emotional "click", it felt unnatural because of the role of alcohol, and if there were any technical issues he didn't feel motivated to work on that because you two didn't really click otherwise. It's totally normal to get nervous - if you are with someone where there is an emotional bond then that is something that most couples can work through and even laugh about - and they don't need alcohol to mask it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Day_Walker Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 If I have it set in my mind that the sex is generally bad then one instance of her showing me that sex isnt bad isnt going to change my mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cognitive_Canine Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 He gave up. Doesn't really matter what the reasons are. But, I don't think this guy deserves to get a second round of what he's missing and be allowed a chance to change his mind. I'd find another man to share my talents with. Someone a bit more patient and hasn't already booted me out the door. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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