This is the worst pain ever!!

[Mcfly01]

Well I would like to start by saying thank you for tanking the time too read this.

So now I will start with my situation. Now I was with my ex for about 2 years ( I am now 27 she is 26) and during the first year we lived about 4 hours apart but never missed a weekend seeing eachother. Not one since the day we met. We were madly in love. Then after that year we decided to move in together In a different city then either of had ever lived in before. So she moved about 5 hours from where she was and transferred her job and I stayed doing the same job but actually moved closer to my work but moved about 1 hour from my family and friends.

 

So we moved in together with the intention of being together forever. Well once we moved in it was a massive adjustment for us. I mean neither of us had any friends in the area and it was both of our first time living with a significant other. I work from 1pm - 10 pm and she works a regular 8-4 job. So that in itself started to cause problems as we were never able to go to bed at the same time which was really hard on both of us. wrking the hours i worked made it very difficult to meet new people accept a few guys from the gym when I went around 11 pm. So I found myself starting to go home for a night on thursdays since i do not work fridays to see my old buds. They started to stop calling me and what not so i felt as if i was losing them. Anyways this was leaving her at home alone. and she started meetign some new friends at her work. Over the next 10 months or so it was almost like we started to do things separate from eachother and alot of that is my work schedule stopped me from doing alot of those things with her. But with out knowing at the time I guess i was beign selfish in doing that and not goignto meet her new friends and doing the proper things and giving her what she needs in the relationship. So I the sex was getting rarer and she just didn't seem into it as much. So this went on for a few months but i never clued in how bad it was for her. She never really told me. I had no idea how desparate she was feeling about our relationship. I mean i guess you could say i started to take her fro granted thinking that one day my shift would change and we could fix these things. So about 3 weeks ago we had this talk and she tols me a few of these things. so I drastically changed over the last 2 weeks to put more effort in and to make her feel better about her self and to give her more confidence in the relationship. We had sex on night and it was amazing. I am thinkiing everything is getting better and then one night she sits me down and. tells me she doesnt think she can be happy forever. Iwas totally surprised since the alst 2 weeks were so great and she admitted they were. But i gues at that point she told me she lost passion for me and fell out of love with me. So she left that night and stayed at a freinds from work who she had been freinds with now for about 6 months and became close with. She was married and lived an a small condo but selling it. So I drove down there and layed myself on the line to say I will give 100% and admitted i was selfish and took her for granted. But her mnd was made up and pretty much said too little too late. She was very focused on all the negatve things in our relationship when she talked to me. She called me a few days later and told me she had absolutly no where else to go but she couldnt stay where she was anymore she was just in the way big time. So she aasked if she could stay in the spare room back at the apt. Well i obviously said yes for sure. But since our schedule were so different we never really saw eachother that much. But iwas so hard to see her everyday. Amd i poured my heart out a few more time but still she was madeup. I asked if there was anyone else the day we broke up and she promised NO. But i started to get this weirid feeling in my stomach that there was ii could tell sometihng wasnt right. She was obsessed at getting to bed early and gettign lots of slweep the whole time i knew her. And she was gettign back at like 1 am and waht not. so i asked her to be honest with me and she said she was tlaking to someone thats it someone to make her feel better about herself. Se i didnt even know she was feelign this way. Anyways i got the chance to look at her phone and saw that there was someone else it was some one she mentioned from her work before but just as a co worker. And it was a detailed sexual message. It made me physically ill right away. Now i never asked her again or confronted her on it. She was there for another week and then today she found a place to go for 2 months until she moves in with her old friend from highschool who she lived with in university in about 2 months.

 

so i know its a long story and i know i am missing some stuff an probably mentioned some thing that arent important but I am falling apart. I ahave lost 17 lbs in 2 weeks havent slept hardly at all. I asked her if she ever saw us in the future and she said anything is possible but right now she needs to focus on herself and do things she wants to do and not have to ever worry about someone elses feelings for once. She also said she didnt like the idea of being 26 and living this routine is surburbia. she didnt want to be 40 and have regrets when she was married and had kids. We did have differnt personalites aswell. I mean to make it simple i am black and white where she is more grey if you know what i mean and that did cause a few problems in the past for sure.

 

anyways I love this girl more than life itself and now i have lost her to someone else...i am faliing apart mentally and physically. taking sleeping aids and they still cant make me sleep. I mean maybe 1 hour and the minute i wake roll over i am awake the rest of the night. I can't eat. Now we are still good tersm and waht not and she said we will stay in touch the odd time. but she has deleted me off of facebook and stuff like thast but she said she wont change her number. She said a clean break is the best for both of us which she has learned in the past. but form me that last 2 weeks wth her there and knowing what i know. I mean that worst thing i cant get out of my head is the image of her with someone else....please help i am desparte. I have been reading lots on the net and it is helping a bit and so are my friend and family. but everythign reminds me of her.....and i miss her so bad.....i just wish i could have seen this before this happened...ane knew how she felt ..i trusted her and never thought she would do that. i thoought we were a team and would work through anything she told me before of times she would never leave me we would always work through things....

 

sorry for this being so long.....thanks for reading and help with be so appreciated.

[LLammas]

Just reading over your post gave me pangs of nostalgia from my own messy live-in relationship break up years ago. I, too, lost the person I had lived with, rearranged my life for, and planned my future around to someone else. I know how deeply it hurts and how lonely an empty house can be. I remember being haunted for months by thoughts of the two of them together. I remember the anger, the desperation, all of it.

 

The thing is, it all had to happen. I know it's hard to see right now, but this break up will only lead to better things. I can see that you cared very much for this girl, but, unfortunately, it doesn't sound like she was ready to settle down. More to the point, it doesn't sound like she was very committed to you once in a serious relationship. Maybe she panicked and took off, or maybe the new town and new life just wasn't what she had hoped for. Either way, when you separate your feelings from the situation, do you really want to be committed to someone who slinks off with another man at the first sign of trouble?

 

I won't lie to you, there is a chance she'll try to come back to you. My ex left me for another girl and attempted to get in touch multiple times after our break up. Although I had dreamed of him coming back, once I had time to examine the relationship without being in the midst of it, I didn't want him back. When someone runs away this far into a relationship, it's very difficult to forgive them: especially when they run away with another partner.

 

My advice to you, as hard as it may seem, is to let go of her. I know you're hurting and that you love her, but all the love in the world won't change the person she is. You have to look out for your own happiness and your own interests above all else. Don't try to contact her, look at her webpages, write to her, etc. I made that mistake at first, and it only prolonged the hurt. Start doing things you enjoy. Spend time with friends, make time to try something you've always wanted to do. Keep yourself busy, and before you know it you'll have found your own happiness.

 

I know we tend to dwell on what they said beforehand...she said she'd never leave you and that you'd always work through things, but you now have proof to the contrary. All the sweet things she said before don't pardon her actions now. You have to remember that.

 

I hope all goes well for you on your road to emotional recovery. We're always here for you; keep us updated on your situation.

[sahasupa]

. Now we are still good tersm and waht not and she said we will stay in touch the odd time. but she has deleted me off of facebook and stuff like thast but she said she wont change her number. She said a clean break is the best for both of us

 

She is right, a clean break is best for both of you. There was a time when you did not know her and were doing just fine, and there will be a time when you will be doing just fine without her. So pick up the pieces and move on. And stop checking her FB. Who cares what she writes there and whether she changes her phone? Why is it so important? She is no longer a part of your life.

 

BTW, if in a few weeks or months she wants you to get back together with her, don't. She is likely to repeat her past behavior and leave again.

[guynextdoor]

Dude you screwed up and was selfish, she could've have that talk to you before she started to cheat on you with some douche at work. things shouldn't be on good terms, she emotionally cheated on you, and could possibly be physically too. Clear your mind man and look outside the box.

[Mcfly01]

Thanks guys for responding....I know what i need to do but i just keep re hashing things over and over in my mind.....especially picturing her with someone else....its so easy to say just don't think about it...and i wish i could....believe me i don't want to i don't want this pain at all.....it has only been about 2 weeks. since the break up....but knowing she is with someone else kills me.......any tips to stop thinking about her and her with someone else ...i lay iin bed tossing and turning all night with no sleep at all....for days on end...i just wish i could turn my brain off....i am just so surprised she could do that to me...and so soon after and lie to me about it you know...anyways i am sure you guys have heard this before and i dont want to sound like a baby with all of this ...but to be honest i have never felt anything like this b4 i have had lot of long term relationships but this was the first time i was 100% in love and was sure about being with her forever....

 

thanks for the advice...: )

[Mcfly01]

LLAMMAS, I just wanted to say thank you for your advice. I could really understand what you were saying. Thanks for the re assurance...I hope things get better for me soon....i just want to be happy again...i am sick of feeling so down and not eating or sleeping and obsessing with thoughts of her with this other guy.....and being alone in an empty house now....arrrgggg.....i can't wait for that day i will smile again...

[Mcfly01]

The other thing is that she has no idea that i know that there is someone she is with .....she actually lied to me about it....

 

anybody reading this and havemore suggestions let me knowi appreciate them....