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Is this rape?


sameboat

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Mine was an arranged marriage. I feel my wife was never attracted to me, now she would have sex with me once a month because she felt obligated and also I was begging her for over a month, during the sex session she just lays there looking at the ceiling while I do all the work(btw no oral sex, she is fair in that she don't want it and also won't give it). I was just wondering, is this sex or rape?!!

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It's very hard to speak on this, being a Westerner. I don't want to judge another culture, but I cannot possibly fathom how two people who didn't choose each other could feel anything for the other.

 

I highly doubt she loves you and is just "doing her part" because society said she had to be married to someone.

 

That doesn't mean she's happy. And really, you don't sound happy either. Is divorce or at least counseling an option?

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I don't want to judge another culture because I don't know how it really works. but I think she's not happy being with you. I think she might be upset that she didn't choose the person she wanted to be with or she didn't get the chance to know you well enough before being rushed to marriage. And she feels she has to have sex to please you when it should be the both of you enjoying that time of love.

 

I'm seeing a divorce coming soon, because if she's not happy with this the both of you aren't happy. You could at least try consoling first and see how that works.

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She consented to let him enter her. Just because she lays there like a log and stares at the ceiling doesnt mean that he's raping her.

 

Doesn't sound like she's given consent happily...

 

 

OP, mostly it sounds like a really bad situation for everyone. She's obviously unhappy, and I can't imagine you're happy with it either.

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It is not rape but I would imagine it is hard on both parts to have sex with someone you do not love.

 

Lots and lots of people don't find it hard to have sex with someone they do not love...that's the whole hookup culture these days...sex with people you barely know hence do not love!

 

As for the OP's question, it is not rape, but clearly it is unfulfilling for both of you and perhaps this needs to be addressed to get to the root of the problem.

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Lots and lots of people don't find it hard to have sex with someone they do not love...that's the whole hookup culture these days...sex with people you barely know hence do not love!

 

Yeah, but that's different. You don't have to know someone to be attracted to someone. She doesn't sound attracted in the least.

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Lots and lots of people don't find it hard to have sex with someone they do not love...that's the whole hookup culture these days...sex with people you barely know hence do not love!

 

Something I have never been able to do so hence I do not understand it.

 

Mind you an arranged marriage does not set a precedent for a lot of love. Could be why they are not having too much fun.

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sameboat, do you take your wife out on dates? I understand you guys had an arranged marriage. In those cases, love is encouraged to grow after marriage, not before. And there's nothing wrong with that. It seems like you've been married only recently, so falling in love might take some time. Lastly, love, especially for women, begins outside of the bedroom. She must find herself comfortable with you, and grow passion from the various things you do together. It's possible for her to become more attracted to you, but that would require some real effort that doesn't just include sex. Do you make her feel special? Do you make her feel adored? Beautiful? Does she admire you? Does she think you are good to her? You need to be really sensitive to her needs without just having sex for the sake of it since you are married. Begging for it will not make her attracted...Give it a real shot with falling for each other.

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She consented to let him enter her. Just because she lays there like a log and stares at the ceiling doesnt mean that he's raping her.

 

She does not lie about her lack of interest. He begs her for sex and she either feeld guilty or sorry for him and let him do his thing. He is aware that its torture for her.

 

Yuks! Its a horrible situation. I wouldnt want to be in either party's shoes!

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At least in the English Common Law tradition, rape has to deal with consent. If she consents to sex then it is not rape. If she is unable to consent to sex because of her age (statutory rape) or intoxication then having sex with her would be rape.

 

Of course this is not applicable modernly, but a man was incapable of raping his wife, in the eyes of the law. I do not know what country you live in but that is what I know.

 

It is clear that your wife is not enjoying sex. I think that you should attempt to discover the root of this problem, if you want to have a marriage where you dont have to beg for sex.

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