YOUNG MARRIAGE AND LOVE please give some objective opinon/advice PLEASE!

[jordynlovesyou]

Hi so i'm 19 and i've been with my boyfriend for over a year now and we have been talking a lot about marriage. When we are financially ready we want to get engaged and then test out the waters and take our time to get married. If all goes well and we can support each other financially and otherwise we want to get married by the time we are 23ish (he is also 19). Now here is some background i used to be very shielded from the world but i was in a very bad relationship for three years, (14-17) which ended up with me completely breaking down and going to therapy for depression and anxiety and going to a mental hospital. I had depression since i was 12 but it all just came out then. so after about two years of therapy and great self reflection and much family support i have become a very happy person living life. i have always grown up with adults so i find myself to be a very adult person and same with my boyfriend we have much of the same values and grew up very much so the same, he has gone through some rough relationships also (i've been through about 5 up until now myself). But yeah, just want some opinion outside of him and myself and my parents (who are actually very supportive of us and always talk about us getting married and having kids). So yes, please some outside perspective here! any questions for clarification will be answered. THANK YOU SO MUCH!

[alli]

Well, you are a bit young, have been together a while but not a super long time, and it sounds like your previous relationship was quite volatile. I'm certainly not saying that it won't work out with your bf. I don't see anything wrong with speaking in general terms of a future together, just don't rush it. Enjoy the next few years together & get to know each other more (because you will both be doing a lot of changing in your early twenties; trust me!). I wouldn't buy a wedding ring yet or anything. Just see how it goes & let us know in 4 years!!

[Amore]

I'm guessing you'll probably get a lot of posts here warning about marrying young. I'm not too much older than you so I can't really say much there.

 

My advice is to just enjoy each other right now. Don't worry about the future so much. There's nothing wrong with dreaming about marriage and spending your lives together but there's no use getting caught up in discussing plans 4+ years into the future. Don't make the future the center of your relationship, but rather live in the present. I'm glad you seem happy and got over your depression - now enjoy being happy, enjoy your relationship, and live life!

[Cognitive_Canine]

If you are meant to be together forever, what's the rush?

 

I'd say you can get married too soon, but no one has a marriage fall through because they waited until they were older.

[Sanesoul]

If you are meant to be together forever, what's the rush?

 

I'd say you can get married too soon, but no one has a marriage fall through because they waited until they were older.

 

Ditto CC. Why rush? There's plenty of time to get married. Enjoy your lives now. In a few years you can decide to get married then.

[jordynlovesyou]

thanks that is one of the things that i am working on is staying in the present and enjoying things now. i am just so incredibly happy with him and get really excited thinking about how great it would be to share my life with him i probably just get too giddy about it. i just hope i dont sound like some of the kids on forums that i read who are like super young and don't know what they are talking about and have totally young puppy love. i just dont want to be contradicting and naive you know? just hoping that i have my head on straight from an outside perspective! all opinions are welcome thanks again!

[HouseKitten]

Do you live together?

 

If not, hold off the engagement till then. Living with someone is a whole other kettle of fish to just going out with them, and if you get married then it's something you'll have to do. As romantic and exciting as it is to talk about marriage and weddings, the first step for most people these days is to move in together, and doing so can show you a lot more about someone than him saying he wants to marry you.

[_Asti_]

I always cringe when people claim they need to 'test' their relationship.

I don't know why. I think that if your relationship needs to be 'tested' are you doing it for the the right reasons?

 

Let the relationship develop and progress naturally. Getting engaged should occur when you know this is the person for you, and that you know you want to spend your life with them. Getting engaged to test the relationship out? Shouldn't that be what dating is about? Isn't that what being in a relationship is about? Finding out your compatibility, then get engaged?

[jordynlovesyou]

allow me to clarify, i agree with needing to live the person to fully get to know them. we are going to be moving in together within the next few months and that's what i mean by "test" things out: like really get to know each other and really figure out how this will work... does that make sense?