Parents don't even talk anymore...

[tbone22]

So I went to my parents house today for Easter and its the same story... my dad's always in his room watching tv, doesn't even get up to say hi, always in a bad mood... he's someone that has never been excited to share the holidays together as a family... theres no communication at all, its horrible that's why I dont even enjoy holidays, no one seems to make the day special.

 

So anyways my dad went away for work and only came home on weekends. On weekends he doesn't even say hi to my mom, he nit picks at my brother and I dont live there so I dont ever have to deal with it. But its horrible, my mom told me today that they don't even talk anymore... he doesn't even look at her in the eyes, they even went on vacation together and they barely talked! Now how is that possible? It just breaks my heart to see my mom so hurt... I dont know what to do... it hurts me so much and for the fact that my dad says NOTHING AT ALL when I ask him what the heck is going on?

 

[wlh22]

Hi tbone22,

I am sorry you have to see/face such moments. I can somewhat relate. My family is somewhat like yours (at least the mom-dad relationship part)... My dad was almost exactly like yours. One thing I have learned (or trying to learn) from my sister is to maintain separate relationships with mom and dad (we can't make a combined relationship with them because they are not on the best term between them). so it's like 'accept the situation' and 'behave like an adult and maintain separate relationships with both of them'.

 

I know its difficutl and sometimes emotionally frustrating. Give your best; slowly it will get better.

 

PM me if you ever feel like sharing/talking.

 

Best wishes

[Creative]

Sometimes, a family have so much resentment built in between each other due to the little things that happened, or because of something someone said, that accumulates over time and it's just more comfortable not talking.

 

The other thing is your dad becoming his default self without being aware that communication is a part of what binds family together.

 

I don't know what roles you play in a family, but if you're opinionated, then you can take on a role and prepare a mini speech about the importance of communication and sit your dad down for 30 minutes and find out exactly what's going on.

[tbone22]

Thanks,

I will try to talk to him... I dont know if it will work. It seems like communication in our family doesn't exist at all and I find it hard myself to communicate in my own relationships which is such a downfall! I am trying to better myself slowly and have a few setbacks at times but someday I hope to regain my confidence.

How do you communicate with someone that you really haven't had a serious conversation with? I find it so hard to talk to my dad or someone of higher authority normally, I get so intimidated and start getting nervous and shy...

[swlilbit84]

this is gonna sound really cold hearted, but you honestly need to get yourself put together and learn to communicate. if you let your other family problems drag you down you will spend the rest of your life miserable(just like your mother). you need to better yourself in your own life and relationships before you think about helping someone else. your mom and dad have been together so long that if they never communicated on a regular basis it was always bound to be like this. i know you hate to see your mom hurt, but she needs to grow a backbone and stand up for herself. if shes not happy she needs to find a way to make herself happy. eventually that happiness will rub off on your dad. you cant force him to communicate but you can make him see what happiness he is missing out on. take your mom out to lunch on regular basis and start by communicating with her, happiness is infectous it is bound to catch on eventually, if not atleast your mom will know you love her and care for her.