councelling??

[ehart]

I absolutly can not move on from my ex. I do good one day then the next I go crazy. He has not helped me move on either. He still contacts me once and a while even after I have asked him to respect that I am heart broken and need to move on. I tried deleting him off facebook but it doesnt help because his profile is public and I can easily just type in his name and see his wall and everything!! I even asked him to change his privacy so only his friends can see it and he didnt respond and hasnt, I want to change my cell phone number but a part of me is holding back and also it is on my moms plan so I have no authority to and she lives in a different city I am so heart broken and struggling more than I ever thought possible, I am miserable. I am 22 years old and I should be happy but im not. I truly feel like no one will love me and that I wont love again. The thought of other guys makes me ill, even though he is with girls constantly. I think the worst is feeling abandoned, thrown away and he doesnt even care. 4 years we were together and he isnt suffering like me. Has anyone after a breakup gone to councelling for some guidence? I am nervouse because my two best friends live me but at the end of this month they are moving back home and I am in a house all by myself in a strange city.. If I dont get better I worry about my mental health being in a city where i know no one and living alone.. Please anyone any advice? councelling?

[ehart]

do councellors do break up help?

[Vince99]

You can get counseling for just about anything, especially for your situation. But it will probably cost you.

[whattodo...]

of course they do!! i highly suggest you see a therapist. its perfectly okay to see someone. you will be fine, you need someone to talk to and help you through this, especially if your friends will be gone.

[JohnTheMan]

i would absolutely look into therapy... i lived with my ex for 3 yrs and dated for 2.5. she broke up with me suddenly, and its been a long road. very long. i realized that i had made her my life cause afterwards i was left with little friends and no plans. i'm unemployed right now and i have found therapy on a sliding scale. it may cost some money, but if your going through what I went through, its abs. requirement for survival. its been 8 months since she broke up with me. i would say i'm at about 70%... but before I was at 0%. so its progress.

 

my ex also seemed to move on quickly. in fact, she left me for someone else. dealing with the fact that the other person just doesn't care nearly as much as you is very very hard to swallow. therapy will help, but wont be a fix all. perhaps medication will be in order... but the real fix is time. the more you loved this person the harder it will be. it will hurt... a lot; so give it time.

 

best of luck

[shes2smart]

Actually, I've found that a good therapist/counselor can provide the fast track to getting through a break-up.

 

The only thing that will slow it down is if you're not willing to do the work. If you're not willing to do the work that effective therapy requires, you may as well save your money until you are ready.

 

But if you are ready to take a brutally honest look at yourself - your thoughts and behavoirs - and are willing to make the necessary changes to make a healthier, happier you, then a good therapist really can be your express ticket through the worst of a break-up.

[ehart]

I really do want to see someone for help. Shes2smart what exactly do they do to help you?

[shes2smart]

Mostly what mine did was listen. But it's a different kind of listening than if you were to talk to a friend or family member, because a therapist won't have the kind of biases that a friend or family member likely does. The focus will be on you, there won't be the kind of give-and-take that goes on in a conversation you may have with a friend or family member -- where you may talk a little about you, then they talk a little bit about themselves, then you talk about inconsequential stuff you may both be interested in. Nope, a therapy session is 45-50 minutes where you get to talk about yourself and what's going on in your head as much as you want.

 

You talk...and the therapist may point out some things they noticed you talking about that you weren't aware of. Sometimes we are so close to our own situations that we don't see larger patterns or we are so used to looking at things a certain way that we don't realize there are other ways to look at them. So the therapist may suggest other, healthier ways to look at things.

 

They don't fix things for you. Therapy is, and always has been a do-it-yourself job to a large degree. But rather than a hired handyman, who comes in and does a specific job while you mostly stay out of the way, a therapist is more like a trail guide -- they'll walk along with you...but you need to decide where you want to go, and do your own walking to get there.

[jenmar]

Therapy will challenge your thoughts. I have been going to therapy for about 5 weeks. I go once a week for an hour.

I enjoy it because it puts things in prospective. In my situation I thought that it was all my fault, but she made me realize a lot of it was NOT my fault.. it helps so much.

I would recommend it for anyone going through a break up, or just life in general.