need a little help.......................

[essex boy]

Just over a month ago I asked my wife to leave.....long story short, she was evil to me, but on occasions showed me love but I knew it was all mind games.

 

now she is playing more mind games....telling me she deeply loved me one minute....then the next week i see her to get my little girl and she cant look at me, but text me to say she loved me then she messes around with when she wants littlun back ....ends up in a blinding row.....yet another mind game! Now she has me finally admitting to myself that i still have feelings for her.

 

I spoke to my dad tonight he said she has always played with your head be strong, dont let her get to you, you will come through this the other side....how do you do that. Anyone got any hope for me or ideas...I really need it right now, i was doing fine until today? or was I?

[essex boy]

no one got any input?

[lambmonster]

It sounds like a very difficult situation. Is this one where if you two perhaps take some time apart, allow yourselves to regroup and then maybe give it another go?

 

If she has been playing these mind games with you since the beginning, maybe it's time you let her know that you are done with them once and for all. And if she really loves you, she has to quit the games otherwise there is no chance of your relationship working.

 

You say you still have feelings for her, so I'm assuming you would ideally like for things to work out? Take some time apart, spend time with the child and maybe really figure out what you want in all this. If you can see her changing and things working out, give it another go? But if you feel that she cannot change and that the mind games will continue, you know what you have to do and that is let go of the past and just wait it out. It's difficult now - but you can push through it and come out on the other end as a better person.

 

Best of luck.

[AutumnBorn]

Sure, I've got input. You are blind. She can't look at you because it breaks her freakin' heart! It's torture.

 

Fighting? Yeah - that happens when one feels threatened, especially when there's a child involved. Her family is under attack and she's fighting mad. Those aren't "mind games". It's hell.

 

You have to read Al Turtle's blog. Start here:

 

link removed

 

and hit continue until you're done. It'll explain everything. Pay close attention to the section on Safety.

[essex boy]

Sure, I've got input. You are blind. She can't look at you because it breaks her freakin' heart! It's torture.

 

Fighting? Yeah - that happens when one feels threatened, especially when there's a child involved. Her family is under attack and she's fighting mad. Those aren't "mind games". It's hell.

 

You have to read Al Turtle's blog. Start here:

 

link removed

 

and hit continue until you're done. It'll explain everything. Pay close attention to the section on Safety.

 

Thankyou, thankyou thankyou! Yep i was blind!! I dont mean that flippantly.....i kept telling myself for a long time she didnt love me an believed it an so i shutdown completely, self preservation that was all i could do!

 

definitely food for thought. what i mean is thinking carefully before acting in this delicate situation

[AutumnBorn]

I'd love to hear some updates on this. After you read Al Turtles blog and get to the part about the rough patch between Romantic Love and Vintage Love, you might actually have some hope for a much better future.

 

Please, please, please take the time to read what he has to say. It could change the course of your life. Ending a marriage is traumatic and, trust me, the grass is not greener on the other side, it's just different.

[essex boy]

Update: I stayed up til 5 am reading the blog, what an eye opener!! It also made me realise some of the things i had done wrong....that I previously wouldn't admit to even myself.

 

today, me and my wife met up for coffee and had a long serious chat about both of us putting our pride to one side and then going through where we had gone wrong. I figured if we were both prepared to do this we could this then we stand a chance.....from this we agreed to sit down and read the blog later in the week and bit by bit. we also agreed not to assume anything as there is too much at stake...mainly littlun but also our own futures!

 

So thankyou again for the link, even if this doesn't help (fail to see how it can do anything else!) then we will be richer for it.

will keep you updated on how we get on......right now we are both tired and need to consume what we achieved so far.

 

Thankyou.

 

Rob

[AutumnBorn]

Happy to be of service.

 

I wish I'd found it before my marriage ended.

[essex boy]

well its a long road and who knows what we will find, my worry is that we tried for so many years.......it will take 100% commitment from both of us also my family and friends are against her, so if we get somewhere we have a lot to sort out!!

 

Rob

[essex boy]

Update: After trying to work things out I have come to the conclusion that it will never work. To be blunt if things arent her way then its no way! she wants me to move to her, even though I've recently bought another house and its not a good time to sell, she doesnt care so long as she is near her horses thats all she is interested in. She didnt once ask me what i wanted, when i told her she just said oh well it work then will it!!

 

there is more than that, because she made my life hell because I refused to buy her a horse, and trust me it was hell, I find it hard to forgive her, I cant help but bite her head off at a lot of oppurtunities, I dont mean to it just floods out. I think we have reached the end of the road.

 

I am now just going to concentrate on me and my lil girl for now!

 

Thanks for all the advice, I have tried believe me but it has to be a two way street!

 

Rob

[SadAndy]

I had a similar sort of comment from my ex.

 

Long story short, after 14 yrs and 1 child together she blew me out for a younger man. After 5 weeks she asked me back and sacked him. After less than 24hrs she said that she missed him and was undecided which one she wanted and would let me know at the end of the week. Bloody cheek!

 

Anyway, during the week I saw her together with the new guy and texted her to say that if she genuinely felt the same about both of us having known him for 3 months and me for 14 yrs then the decision was simple and that I would save her the trouble and make it for her.

Her reply........'well i'm not going to beg!' Once I had that reply I knew what her decision would be. Surely if you have sacked someone and made the biggest mistake of your life then you will do whatever is needed, begging if thats what would do it.

 

Sure enough, she plumped for new boy and after another 7 weeks everything is bliss and I'm the to55er!

 

There you go, you are not alone! Sadly!!!

 

Take care

 

Andy

[essex boy]

Hey andy,

I'm sorry to hear about that. I actually went through the same scenario with my wife years earlier, like an idiot I took her back but it was never the same. when everything has settled you will realise that if you did end up back together you would never trust her and would be looking out for signs of it recurring, I know I did! I did manage to let that go, then it was something else....... but she sounds sellfish,just like my wife....... that's no good to you!

 

All the best

 

Rob