I want her back

[JJay]

She is the most beautiful, sexy, sweet and intelligent women I've ever met. We've been apart for over a month. We had a fight because I called her Mom a retard, but only as a joke. She took it personally and asked me not to do that again which annoyed me because she should know by now after being together 9 months that I mean no harm.

 

Last week she texted me to see if I was ok. I felt bad about the whole thing, but then she confronted me that she found out I lied about my age (I'm really 43 I was 41) and that I lied about having a facebook page. She said she thinks it's real sketchy that I would tell her that I not on facebook when I really am.

 

I couldn't really see the big deal in why she would be so concerned about that stuff. I apologized the next day anyway. Then two days later I texted her this, "I really do miss you...muah!" This was her response:

 

-I'm insulted that you kept me out of that part of your life. If you think that makes you so cool like you're some kind of player, you need to get over yourself. Everyone else has his girlfriend on his facebook. I'm not the only one who thinks that’s sketchy. On the surface you acted like i was your girl but behind my back you were not devoted. How dare you not be devoted to me. Who do you think you are.

 

I can have any man I want. There are so many men who are just dying to worship the ground I walk on and serve me the world on a silver platter. I go out to the clubs and everyone worships me. I am honored and held in the highest regard where ever I step foot. I also know dam well that I am the best thing that will ever happen to you and I feel that the way you showed your appreciation was by sporting me to prove that you can have someone as hot as me.

 

I'm disgusted to think that I trusted you only to learn again that you cannot be trusted just like the last time you lied about not acting like a wanna be player on pof meanwhile, I'm the one that gave you all the confidence to even think that you were such an eligible bachelor.

 

Bottom line is that I deserve the best and I deserve a man who will commit his life to me will never want to risk the chance of losing me…and you say you miss me?

 

As much as I think its real sad that you think you need to act this way, I'm disgusted and right now I feel that our whole relationship was built on bull * * * * . I want someone who lives in the real world. I don't know who can possibly think that what you've done is no big deal. It seems as if you don’t know the difference between right and wrong in some significant things and that is scary for you and for anyone who chooses to be with you.

--------------------------------------…

I now feel so dejected and I feel like a loser. How can I overcome this feeling?

[sahasupa]

Tell her that you are not one of those ready to worship the ground she walks on, wish her the very best and move on. I would never date a gal with that mindset no matter how pretty she might be. Do not lie to your next gal, many of them will see that as a big deal (IMHO rightly so).

[HeartGoesOn]

If you called my Mom a "retard", I would have reacted in the same way that she did. Using the word "retard" is an insult to anyone who has a handicap, and that term seems to be used by high school kids...you're 43?

 

And, since you were together for 9 months, I can certainly see her point as to why she wasn't told that you were on Facebook, since it appeared that you were hiding something. Not to sound harsh here, but why did you feel that you couldn't be truthful to her?

[JJay]

Tell her that you are not one of those ready to worship the ground she walks on, wish her the very best and move on. I would never date a gal with that mindset no matter how pretty she might be. Do not lie to your next gal, many of them will see that as a big deal (IMHO rightly so).

 

...but all the other types of girls are boring and insecure and they don't turn me on.

[aurevoir]

Sorry, but your title just reminded me of a song I really needed to download.

 

LOL!!!

 

But anyways............. call her

[JJay]

If you called my Mom a "retard", I would have reacted in the same way that she did. Using the word "retard" is an insult to anyone who has a handicap, and that term seems to be used by high school kids...you're 43?

 

And, since you were together for 9 months, I can certainly see her point as to why she wasn't told that you were on Facebook, since it appeared that you were hiding something. Not to sound harsh here, but why did you feel that you couldn't be truthful to her?

 

I just don't see the big deal. Why does she need to know so much information about me? I let her have her own life.

[jenny_mcs]

I just don't see the big deal. Why does she need to know so much information about me? I let her have her own life.

 

Because you lied to her- about your age and about having a Facebook page. I think both of those things are sketchy also.

[sahasupa]

...but all the other types of girls are boring and insecure and they don't turn me on.

 

Then good luck worshipping the ground she walks on.

[JJay]

Then good luck worshipping the ground she walks on.

 

How do you interpret worshipping the ground she walks on? One of my friends who's a girl says that it means that she just wants unconditional love.

[sahasupa]

How do you interpret worshipping the ground she walks on? One of my friends who's a girl says that it means that she just wants unconditional love.

 

I would not even bother trying to interpret it. At this point her desires and wants would be irrelevant to me. Who cares?

[AlphaFemme]

By worshipping the ground she walks on, she means she wants you to make sure that she is a priority and that you treat her like a queen. I agree with her reaction to the lie, the retard comment, and the FB issue. Really, she's saying you don't deserve her because you will not treat her the way she requires from a mate. Since you can't meet her needs, you have to move on.

 

And really, why would you lie about FB? I tell my dates that I have one but won't add anyone I'm dating because I need a place to vent to friends. But lying? That's just ridiculous because it's simple enough to check.

[ToF]

Why did you lie and hide your facebook?

 

It sounds like you didn't value the relationship quite as much at the time, and now you regret it.

[squirl]

I mean no harm.

 

I couldn't really see the big deal in why she would be so concerned about that stuff. I apologized the next day anyway. Then two days later I texted her this, "I really do miss you...muah!" This was her response:

 

-I'm insulted that you kept me out of that part of your life. If you think that makes you so cool like you're some kind of player, you need to get over yourself. Everyone else has his girlfriend on his facebook. I'm not the only one who thinks that’s sketchy. On the surface you acted like i was your girl but behind my back you were not devoted. How dare you not be devoted to me. Who do you think you are.

 

I now feel so dejected and I feel like a loser. How can I overcome this feeling?

 

I must admit I was blown away at the lack of empathy you describe in your actions. The things you did are a huge deal to her. You must accept this if you expct her to accept you or your apology.

 

It's a huge problem that you cannot accept that things are

important to her even if they do not seem important to you. You cannot have a relationship with a person when you do not respect their values.

 

The facebooking behind her back is a huge problem. In her opinion, you disrespected her. No healthy person will put up with being disrespected and having information withheld.

 

Take a look at your control issues and think about why you would rather lie than be with her on her quite reasonable terms of honesty and respect. It's not her, these issues will continue to occur as long as you attempt to deal with your partners this way. No one is obligated to stay in a relationship despite apologies.

 

By rationalizing these things are no big deal the person you hurt most is yourself.

[JJay]

When we got involved I wasn't looking for a long term relationship. It just happened and I wasn't prepared.

[1guygirl]

When we got involved I wasn't looking for a long term relationship. It just happened and I wasn't prepared.

 

thats abit of a cop out isnt it....and i think you know it

 

lying about your age, calling ANYONE a retard and hiding a FB is BS behaviour...i wouldnt trust someone who lied about their age or a fb account...

 

i think she went OTT on the worshipping thing tho...but i guess she was jus bigging herself up albeit a lil arrogant. but yes, we all deserve honesty and respect regardless of whether we are hot or not

[yonanz]

ok u were wrong to call her mum a retard, and u were wrong to 'hide her away.' to any girl who are serious in a r/s, what they hate most is for their bf to not introduce them to his family, friends, buddies, and for the bf not to put the r/s up on facebook etc etc. this is a big NO-NO as the girl will think ur either 1]fooling around and not serious 2] two timing 3] shady. girls want commitment, and for that to happen girls want guys to show that by generously and gentlemanly showing the world instead of hiding her away as if u have a closet full of dirty secrets.

 

but having read her reply, i do think her character is questionable. many parts of the text shows an overinflated ego and choice of words are ridiculously overblown. however, it might be because she was angry and hurt, and as a result she said those words. these words were a reaction to the way you have hurt her.

 

reply gentlemenly. if u tink u love her and u still cherish her, do the right thing. firstly apologize, secondly agree with her. dont argue with her, dont resist just agree. 3rdly state that you are sincere and serous about wanting to amend things. 4thly if shes ok then do what you say, and mean it! stop lying, stop hiding. its not right to lie about your age, its not right to lie about not having face book, so do the right thing if u still cherish her

[squirl]

When we got involved I wasn't looking for a long term relationship. It just happened and I wasn't prepared.

 

So what? It's irrelevant.

 

You said you want her back. if you really feel she is that awesome and special, then you need to convince her of that.

 

I'm guessing, but perhaps you started the relationship on some half-truths and little white lies and you never thought it was a good time to come clean.

 

Guess what . . . that never works. The truth has a way of coming out one way or another, even if it's just "bad vibes" that build to a breakup.

 

Either go back to her, come clean with everything, apologize for the time wasted with the omissions and partial-truths and see if she'll have you back. Or chalk it up as a lesson learned and be more honest with the next person you date from the beginning.