No spark?

[Firiel]

In theory, I would give it three dates. I actually gave my fiance the you're-a-great-guy-but-I-only-see-you-as-a-friend speech twice before I finally felt that "spark."

[lavenderdove]

Sometimes you need something to ignite the spark.

 

Perhaps he's shy or afraid you'll accuse him of just wanting sex, or pressuring for sex too soon, so he's not sparking in your direction.

 

I'd try to get in a kiss on the next date... see how it goes. If it feels like you're kissing your brother or you still feel nothing, then i'd stop dating him. But sometimes you feel nothing until SOMEONE initiaties some physical contact, then the it sparks alive.

 

I just watched a funny re-run of Friends where Monica was dating a guy she said was perfect for her, except she felt no spark. So they finally kissed, and WHAM she ignited! It really is true, that sometimes you need a good kiss to get things going. And if it doesn't get things going, then no big loss, time to move no.

[adamt]

i think expecting an instant spark is over emphasised and much hyped. yes it does happen but plenty of people get together after knowing each other for a while first. you need a few dates for you both to feel more relaxed and the personalities to shine through. too busy wanting a spark to just enjoy the date and have a good time. its not all about love at first sight.

[orchidrose]

An update: I've gotten several texts from this guy in the last week, and always replied to them and planned on seeing him at least once more. I guess he could tell that I wasn't really feeling it, since he sent me this text a few days ago:

 

"Say, I really enjoy hanging out. For what it's worth, it'd be cool to hang out again, in any capacity."

 

I replied, "Hey, I do too. As for the capacity, let's see what happens, if that's cool with you."

 

He replied, "That's totally fine with me. Whatever shape it takes is fine by me; no expectations."

 

Funnily enough, that whole exchange made me like him a lot more! I was glad that he acknowledged everything and seemed to handle it so well. I'm hoping I can make plans with him for sometime soon and see if that makes hanging out in person any different.

[nutbrownhare]

I'd go for someone like this. Sounds like there's lots of space to be yourself with no pressure and no unrealistic expectations.

[orchidrose]

Sigh. He was texted me nonstop in the days after our second date, but now I haven't heard from him in over a week. I texted him last Wednesday to say "hey, what's up?" and got a brief response back about how busy work was. That's it.

 

Kind of makes me sad.

[orchidrose]

Texted him randomly the other day and he immediately asked if I wanted to get together soon. So we went to a bar last night. We always manage to talk for hours on end - we do have that connection - but man, I just cannot make the sparks or the attraction fly. I feel like it's grown a bit each time I see him, but not enough to pursue any sort of relationship. I'm glad I went out with him once more, though, especially since I wasn't in NC with my ex the last time I saw him.

[annie24]

yeah, i would tell him that you're feeling a friendship, but not more.