Advice

[confusedhelp]

Hi

 

I split up with my BF 2 months ago we had been together for 3 years had a good relationship but I have issues with commitment I got scared & finished it. During the time we were together his ex was still in contact with him, ringing while I was with him & he clearly told her that he was with me & happy & to leave him alone, he always told me that if he wanted to be with her he would be, he had moved on & met me.

 

We haven't had any contact since we split up as NC is the best, but I went out yesterday & went somewhere completely different & bumped into him in a pub, he's never been there so it was completely random. He came over to me & there was so much chemistry it was very difficult not to feel attracted to him & I know he felt the same. It was my opportunity to ask those questions that we all want answered when you split up with someone. I'd guessed he had got back with his ex so I asked him & he confirmed he had, his excuse was that he's taken the easy route, he desperately wants children & unfortuantely I can't have them. He said the usual stuff men say, that he loves me, misses me, that i'm the only person who knows him & understands him etc etc but I told him obviously I'm just not good enough for him which then made him cry as he said that isn't the case but he wants a child & if I could give him one we would work. We are both as bad as each other & don't show emotions but It hurts that I wasn't good enough for him & I know I should move on but how? how could we still feel so attracted surely that says something. How do I move on, there is NC I won't allow it & I won't contact him but I don't want to lose him but he's made his choice. Do men say they love you etc when they don't mean it especially when they have someone else. Please help, am I being played like a fool!!

[DN]

I'm not clear here - you said you ended it because you had a fear of commitment but now it seems it is his fault you broke up?

[confusedhelp]

Sorry, it is my fault we broke up but its hard to deal with knowing he's gone back to his ex after everything so quickly, I don't have anyone lined up & it makes me feel like I was used.

[DN]

What do you think might have happened had you not broken up with him?

[confusedhelp]

After hearing he is desperate for children & I can't give him that then probably we would have still broken up. I asked him why he had never mentioned this before & he replied saying he didn't want to hurt me as he knows how hard it all is for me. The problem is he isn't the first person i've split up with because of the children issue, I feel like i'm being penalised for something out of my control. I am honest from the beginning.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Sorry, it is my fault we broke up but its hard to deal with knowing he's gone back to his ex after everything so quickly, I don't have anyone lined up & it makes me feel like I was used.

 

Actually, the only person being used here is the ex he went back to. I feel sorry for her...she thinks he has had a change of heart and came back because he realized how much she means to him...and yet he only went back because you dumped him and he wants a baby machine. How sad is that.

 

I am not sure how you can be upset with him when you say you dumped him over your own commitment issues.

[MikNomis]

Yeah, it sounds like you want him more because he is now unavailable to you. Anyhow, men and women throw I love you's all the time very easily to their exes and tell them they miss them, even though it's over and they have a new SO.

[confusedhelp]

I panicked and the easiest thing to do was end it, I regretted it straight away but had made my decision. Your probably right with me wanting him back becase he is now with someone else, I suppose like everyone I wanted him to prove he cared instead he did what we all do and found someone else. The sad part is I'm on my own while he is happy! Serves me right, lesson learned.