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A stressed and exasperated rant...


Kerrian

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This is going to come accross as just a ramble. A disorganised, annoyed ramble.

 

I'm currently feeling overwhelmed with stress, laden with it in fact...if I were a camel, one more straw would be too much.

 

I'm having to find a work placement abroad with no help from my university at all, which isn't going well - and proves to be more and more stressful every day, I'm currently visiting home, which isn't helping because all my parents seem able to do is pick constantly at little faults I have, such as my hair needing cutting, or alternatively - I get told to do things, and pressured into social family events that I have little interest in.

I see my family a lot, and I do a lot of things with them...I don't want to be doing something 24/7 though. I need some time to myself...and right now, all of my personal time has been spent job hunting.

Which is really, really dragging me down.

 

I have two essays that I want to get written in the next two weeks, which is incredibly frustrating since I can't get at the resources until Tuesday...and I'm having trouble getting any motivation to actually sit down and write them.

Not just that, but my research question needs to be changed, but that can't be done until I have a job placement finalised. Oh yes, and I need to find a house next year too.

Which, guess what, can't be done until I have a job placement.

So, there's a big circle of things that must be done...that all ride on one, impossibly stressful thing.

 

And nobody around me is really helping with my being stressed, since it's my parents...my brother, and my brother's girlfriend.

None of whom are particularly good at being un-stressful. They're pretty focused on their own things - and my brother is probably the most unsympathetic person I've ever met.

 

Additionally, my partner is currently at home as well, about 5-6 hours away - we get to talk on Skype once a day for a couple of hours...and this afternoon, his brother stayed in the room the whole time...playing a loud computer game so I couldn't really talk to him at all.

And when I finally got to talk, he got worried about me being stressed, and then descended into being really upset about it.

So essentially, one of the main people who lets me escape from being stressed....I can't show that I'm stressed.

Otherwise it affects him, and he dwells on it a lot. I hate making him worry, and upsetting him, especially when we're apart. He has hereditary depression, so when he starts dwelling on something, he spirals fairly quickly - but sometimes, that makes me feel like I can't ever be upset around him. As soon as something is affecting me, it affects him - and I end up comforting him and helping him out of spirals...but it leaves nobody helping me with what caused it in the first place.

 

 

Which I must say...is just a little bit stressful!

 

(See a pattern here?)

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