Is NC the only way out of pain?

[JAZZROCK]

Right now im in alot of pain and Im tempted to call my ex. I understand NC is for you to move on and forget about things but what if you cant forget about things even when trying NC?

 

I realized NC isn't for everybody. I rather tell the truth on how I feel besides keeping my feelings inside. Its over when a person dies, so if the person is alive y go NC when deep in your heart u want to tell them you love them?

 

There has to be otha ways to cope with the pain of a breakup with out NC.

 

So what are your thoughts on NC?

Is NC the only way out pain after a break up?

[GenoGeno]

Well didn't you say your ex called you and said she missed you? isn't there maybe a chance it was a mistake by her?

[jenmar]

NC hurts,, it hurts a lot, but seriously it is the only way to get over it.

The person clearly knows that you love them care for them.. but now it doesn't matter since the relationship is over. you can profess your feelings until you are blue in the face, but that will not change the situation.

 

NC will help your heart and ego heal.. with time it will get easier.

 

i hope anyway..

I broke NC today and texted him.. no response. again.. two weeks since he has talked to me.

 

it hurts like heck.

[JAZZROCK]

No it wasnt a mistake which lead to me making this thread I barely did NC and there's already hope. I wont lie and say im not in pain but maybe NC is overratted

[GenoGeno]

I dunno i'm kind of with and against the no contact thing. It really depends on your situation. Some are going to have it harder than others. Some have different reasons why their ex left them...different times of how long people were together. I think you really just gotta pick what suits you best. Just quitting with NC isn't getting you what you really want. I mean given the situation of some where the ex is ignoring you...obviously no contact is the best choice...but i dunno i'd say some should venture from that a little.

[JAZZROCK]

Exactly Geno it depends on the situation but wouldnt u rather tell them the truth as oppose to keep quiet? hey if it doesnt go ur way at least u tried its betta than nothing. Plus ppl are dying with pain even wen thy do NC so my point is get over it any way u can even if it makes u look desperate. if callin a million times until u have the heart to stop is ur way then do it...

[GenoGeno]

Well i do believe in giving them their space but do nice things for them...tell them you're worried about them when they go out still...just be that guy they liked from the start. I seriously think you would have a lot better chance....but the hard part is keeping that act together cause underneath it's hurting big time.

[JAZZROCK]

True but sometimes pain breeds pleasure. If it's hard its worth it sometimes..

[JAZZROCK]

Nothing good comes easy..

[GenoGeno]

I think you'd feel a lot better when you know you put in the time and heartache for this person and they did come back because of it. You just have to always remember while doing so....things may not work in your favor.

[JAZZROCK]

right so u with me against the whole NC thing for every situation.

[smile4you]

Going straight to NC didn't work for me. I had to know for certain we wouldn't get back together and I had to get stuff off my chest.

[GenoGeno]

Well the way I'm going to do it is...I'm going to be very caring and loving with her up until the end of April and if she shows no signs of affection or wanting to fix things by then....I think I'm just going to cut her loose. And I'm not going to even say i am....I'm just going to instantly stop contacting her.

[JAZZROCK]

thts the way to go geno b tru. Smile4you also did it right get thingz off ur chest dont jus stand there..

[GenoGeno]

Yeah exactly, and like smile said...You gotta know for sure....i'd hate to go no contact and think...well what if i just put in the time....

[JAZZROCK]

Yea thts wat i was thinking

[yonanz]

let me offer you my point of view.

 

NC is not overrated. I have been on NC for more than 3 weeks, almost a month. i started strict NC about 4 days after our breakup during the 4 days in between, i did all the things one would naturally do - bawl, cry,beg, plead, text, call, ask for 2nd chance, write "heartfelt letters", convince her she's wrong, let her "know my feelings", but none worked. she was even repulsed by my pleadiness, saying that i should respect her decision instead of pushing her and pressuring her. at day 4 after breakup i sucked up all the pain [it hurts like mad trust me] and commenced NC.

 

it hurts, yea, its hurts like mad. my girlfriend is my high school sweet heart, my first love, and we were together for 4 years. so i think i can say i understand how painful it is. but you just have to bite the bullet! the first few days, or weeks might be difficult, but hey, i've survived more than 3 weeks of NC, and im alive and well, and looking back, boy am i glad that i have chosen this path. why do i say that?

 

firstly, NC is something that requires discipline and focus, and also logical understnading. you need to understand a couple of things. firstly, she has already made a decision. RESPECT IT. your partner, in my case my gf, mus have spent some times thinking about it already, so your pleadings and "Telling her my feelings" are not going to work. what they want you, and what you should do, is to respect it and understand her decision, not to add to her guilt, push her, pressurize her, basically go against the decision. a decision as big as this must have been something very difficult for him/her as well, and must have taken alot of courage to make. put yourself in his/her shoes. what they want to hear is not how much you love them, or how wrong they are, or for them to give you 2nd chances. what the want to see is you accepting their decision.

 

sometmes in life we must learn that we cannot have what we want. we must learn not to have our way sometimes, and we mus also realize that certain things we have no control over. our parters have a change of heart, had made up their mind, their feelings have faded etc whatever it is, they have decided already. we cant change it. you can say how much you still love them etc, but its irrelevant. how you feel matters less than how THEY feel.

 

sometimes going forcefully against the course of events will only aggravate the issue. dont argue, dont ressist, respect her decision. go with the flow, dont fight it. you are too weak to fight the tide of events. trying to change her decision is like pushing against a wall; its a waste of energy and time. why try to change sth you have no control over? learn to accept the state of things.

 

lastly, it smight be useful to ponder and reflect on lessons learnt rather than stuck in the emotional rut. yes i know you love her, i know you miss her, but look at the larger picture. what lessons have you lerant? what mistakes did you make? how are u going to imrpove your flaws? was she a great partner, which areas were you guys actually not compatible? does thiking about her benefit me in any tangible way, or does it actually hinder me? am i being fair to my friends and family if i continue in my state of despair?

 

these are ultimately more important questions. one has to really learn to let go of things sometimes. learning to let go in life is very important. some things in life you just cant have it. be contented with the times you have had with her, and no one can ever take those special moments away from both of you. if you truly love a person, you respect her decision, give her time and space, let her go, and use this time and space to improve yourself in various aspects, so in time to come, you can be a better partner and person, whether she comes back or not, or even with the next girl/guy. dont you want her to be happy? its obvious shes unhappy in the r/s, thats why she chose to breakup. would u rather her to be unhappy together with you, or happy away from you?

 

if you love her give her the time and space she needs.

 

loooking back im so glad i did NC, simply because it pulled me out of my emotional rut! i stopped pining for her excessively, stopped having hte urge to call/text her, stopped having crazy thoughts in my mind 24/7 etc. and having this distractions out helped me move on, even if the process is slow, but i am moving on. i am quite a rational person and despite the pain and ache, i know i have a future out there and i have other parts of life to attend to. life isnt just about one person, or love, its about your friends, family, career, education, leisure,health sports etc. life is wholesome and holistic, and most importantly, life waits for no one. i will not want to let one failed r/s further ruin me in other aspects. that is why i force myself to be disciplined and move on in life, despite the pain and hurt that still eats at me everyday. i dont know if she will ever come back, but that is not the point. the point is i want to get better, and i am. i want to be happy on my own, without ever needing anyone to be that medium of happiness. i want to be stronger and better as a person, and i want to live a life that is more meaningful than before. last but not least, NC also helped me become less emotional and more rational, and what i have penned down here will not have been possible wihout the few weeks of NC that gave me the clarity of thought. sometimes taking one step back is like moving 2 steps forward. you see things much clearer when you take a step back.

[Elsewhere]

NC is the easiest and fastest way. Out of sight, out of mind? not really - but that's the least painful way to heal.

 

If you keep contact, your desire for reconciling never stops. Hope always is the last one to die. Seriously, you think you care about contacting this person for any other reason? I doubt it. Their friendship and company is replacable - there are other people willing to fill your time. What you really miss is their love and they're not willing to give this anymore. So why contact them?

 

Sorry, I just learned the hard way, I don't want anyone to suffer that way.

[GenoGeno]

I just maybe am naive but i believe there thoughts can be changed in due time. Almost as in they made a mistake.

[paintedblue]

Amen!!! Ive recently learned this and its SO true.

[doiiiieeezie]

I just maybe am naive but i believe there thoughts can be changed in due time. Almost as in they made a mistake.

 

Even if they do change their mind (and they sometimes do)... it comes on their time. Not yours. I know that NC is hard, it's simple avoidance but unwanted contact from someone is not pleasant either. You have to let this one play out, no matter the outcome.

[yonanz]

Even if they do change their mind (and they sometimes do)... it comes on their time. Not yours. I know that NC is hard, it's simple avoidance but unwanted contact from someone is not pleasant either. You have to let this one play out, no matter the outcome.

 

let him realize this over time, on his own. it's too difficult for him to see this simple fact now

[Elsewhere]

beautiful word of wisdom!!!

[GenoGeno]

Yeah i do see it but I'm just too stubborn to believe that she may have left me for good. I am all about hope and faith and if i truly believed this girl was the girl i wanted to be with for the rest of my life. I feel ridiculous sitting around doing nothing like I always did. The best things in life are the things you work for. If it doesn't turn out, lesson learned and i get stronger.

[cheeseboy]

Here's a dilemma then. I spoke to an ex (didn't work out but easier to deal after trying a second time) about my current situation and they told me not to give up so easily and at the time with them, they had wanted me to fight for them - this certainly was not obvious at the time.

 

My current ex said she felt like she gave more in the relationship ( be that true or not) and felt like she had become a chore and said i had a funny way of showing that she was the most important thing in my life.

 

I dispute to a point some of these reasons but also understand where she was coming from, but it's all I have to go on - yet i'm NC and this seems to go against any advice and information i've had.

 

I don't know, nothing from her end - but logically (haha!!) ignoring does not seem to be the obvious thing to do.