My boyfriend treats me so badly, I can't take it anymore...

[mitnord]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 8 years. He is much older than me, he has children from his first marriage and does not want them to know that we have a relationship.

 

I'm home alone for holidays, he's called me to tell about his plans with his family, then he asked me if I could talk dirty to him, so he could get himself off in the bathroom.

 

I feel like a trash, sitting here crying, how come my life has come to this?

 

Please help...

[HouseKitten]

Eight years!

 

I feel very sorry for you. This must feel absolutely horrible.

 

Even just based on what you've said there briefly, I think you should leave him. After 8 years, him still not wanting you to meet his kids is ridiculous. You know how bad you feel - use that awful feeling and leave him. You want a man who's proud to have you in his life, not one who hides you from his family.

 

Has he ever given you a reason why he won't introduce you? I hate to ask but he is definitely not in his first marriage anymore, right?

[annie24]

i am confused - on another thread you said you have been with him for 1 year.

[mitnord]

i am confused - on another thread you said you have been with him for 1 year.

 

I'm back together with my old bf, the one I met in high school..

[annie24]

I'm back together with my old bf, the one I met in high school..

 

you met him in high school but he is 8 years older than you? you guys just recently got back together?

[mitnord]

you met him in high school but he is 8 years older than you? you guys just recently got back together?

 

He's 32 years older than me... We'd been together for almost 8 years before we broke up. I've been seeing him again the last 2 months.

[annie24]

sorry - i am asking so many questions but i'm trying to figure things out. why did you guys get back together? why didn't you marry when you dated the first time around. and you were how old when you met and started dating? 18 or younger? i guess that might be legal in denmark, but i'm wondering why a 50 year old man would want to date seriously an 18 year old. sounds like he wants arm candy more than a serious relationship with you. (as evidenced by him not wanting you to meet his kids, who are likely older than you, right? or maybe around your age?)

[doiiiieeezie]

I understand him not wanting to introduce his kids to you or anyone new until it gets serious at least... so you shouldn't be upset at that. But really:

 

1- Are you sure that he isn't married?

2- You don't sound like his gf, you sound like his call girl.

 

If he isn't giving you respect now, then he never will. Break up and go it solo for a while. You deserve much better.

[MinziGirl]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 8 years. He is much older than me, he has children from his first marriage and does not want them to know that we have a relationship.

 

I'm home alone for holidays, he's called me to tell about his plans with his family, then he asked me if I could talk dirty to him, so he could get himself off in the bathroom.

 

I feel like a trash, sitting here crying, how come my life has come to this?

 

Please help...

 

Are you sure that he is divorced? Your situation would be a RED flag for me. If a man is open, honest and serious with you, he would want to introduce you to his family sooner or later. If you haven't seen them for the last 8 years, chances are that he is still married to the children's mother or he is attached to someone else... and of course he doesn't respect you as his girlfriend: Because you ain't his girlfriend in the first place.

 

You are the 3rd (or 4th & counting?) party.

[mitnord]

sorry - i am asking so many questions but i'm trying to figure things out. why did you guys get back together? why didn't you marry when you dated the first time around. and you were how old when you met and started dating? 18 or younger? i guess that might be legal in denmark, but i'm wondering why a 50 year old man would want to date seriously an 18 year old. sounds like he wants arm candy more than a serious relationship with you. (as evidenced by him not wanting you to meet his kids, who are likely older than you, right? or maybe around your age?)

 

In the beginning I didn't know it'd get so far, so it was not an issue with his children (yes, they are roughly my age). We've got very close to each other, I tried to meet others, when we broke up, but I just couldn't. His family is the most important part of his life, he is a very good father. He says we should keep things as they are... given the age difference and that I'm from a bad family.

[mitnord]

He is not married, the children's mother is married and lives in another country. We more or less live together, just when his children or other family, friends are around, I go back to my place. I'm also sure he's been exclusively with me all those years...

[MinziGirl]

In the beginning I didn't know it'd get so far, so it was not an issue with his children (yes, they are roughly my age). We've got very close to each other, I tried to meet others, when we broke up, but I just couldn't. His family is the most important part of his life, he is a very good father. He says we should keep things as they are... given the age difference and that I'm from a bad family.

 

Sister, you are not seeing the point.

 

Just 1 question: Tomorrow is easter Sunday... Will you both be spending some loving time together? With whose family then? Yours or his?

 

You don't have to answer it here... but your answer will tell you if you are as important in his life as he is in yours.

 

P.S: Bad family? Since when a guy who is truly in love with a girl minds that she is from a bad family?

[agent1607307371]

He says we should keep things as they are... given the age difference and that I'm from a bad family.

 

Trans: You're not good enough for me, but if I keep you feeling like it's your fault you'll take all my crap, thank me and ask for more.

 

No offence, but you're his shag when he wants you. You're not someone he wants to be a part of his life.

 

Why exaclty are you doing this to yourself?

[mitnord]

Trans: You're not good enough for me, but if I keep you feeling like it's your fault you'll take all my crap, thank me and ask for more.

 

No offence, but you're his shag when he wants you. You're not someone he wants to be a part of his life.

 

Why exaclty are you doing this to yourself?

 

I know, I'm so broken right now, he is the only one I have, my family and I are not close, no real friends.

[Kumatora]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 8 years. He is much older than me, he has children from his first marriage and does not want them to know that we have a relationship.

I personally wouldn't put up with this. Especially not for a year. If this man was serious, he would tell his children. If he wants to marry you, he would include you and his children as family.

 

I'm home alone for holidays, he's called me to tell about his plans with his family, then he asked me if I could talk dirty to him, so he could get himself off in the bathroom.

AW HELL NO!!!!!!!!!!! Girl, get out of there. This guy is a total loser! Don't put up with him treating you like some phone sex service. Dump his ass.

 

I know, I'm so broken right now, he is the only one I have, my family and I are not close, no real friends.

And THIS reason alone is why 90% of the people who come here feel trapped. They don't work on their social life, jump into a relationship and expect their partners, better or worse, to fill that void.

 

Get out some. Go to local clubs (fitness classes, library book clubs, etc).Go to local bar parties. Start taking care of yourself. You will meet people. In fact go get a pedicure/manicure/haircut/highlights and complain about your man sucks and that you NEED to feel sexy to find a new guy . I promise you that! Don't feel that this guy has to be your ONLY source of social contact. He treats you like crap and brings you down... STAND UP FOR YOURSELF AND SAY SCREW YOU.

[DN]

Try to simplify this rather complicated situation and look at the bottom line - this guy is making you unhappy, that situation will not change and your only reasonable option is to dump him and move on.

[agent1607307371]

I know, I'm so broken right now, he is the only one I have, my family and I are not close, no real friends.

 

 

But you don't have him and he's telling you very clearly that you are not important to him and never will be.

 

 

You need to start putting your life back together. You can do that, the pain of it will still be less than the pain of wasting your life on him.

[MikNomis]

Don't do this to yourself, leave him. He's using you, you know he's using you, but you're just letting yourself be weak and not doing anything about it.

[Hermes]

Mitnord:

 

With this sort of individual you can never be sure of anything. All you know is what he tells you, and in all likelihood he is a pathological liar.

Why are you doing this to yourself? What do you get out of it? He treats you worse than trash, has no respect for you, whatsoever, and he definitely is not "all you have got". He will ruin your life, if you let him. Sorry to be so forthright, but that is how it is.

You need to get help and support, see a counsellor, starting retrieving yourself, your self-esteem, and your SELF-RESPECT.

 

I fully echo Kumatora's post.

 

All the best

Hermes