Very complex problems in my life and I need advice

[Dave2010]

Hello everyone. The last 5 years I have been suffering from a lot of emotional pain due to many problems in my life which I will explain below. I need to get some 3rd party insight and advice on what I should do in my situation.

 

I am 24 year old, about 4-5 years ago my parents informed me that due to failed investments our family is 750K in debt and if we don't pay the debt we will lose everything. Ever since hearing the news my parents and I have been working hard every week to combine our salaries and pay back the bank. We have done well the last 4-5 years to survive but are still heavily in debt.

 

I have a lot of insecurities caused by this financial debt, both my parents are in their LATE 60's and if one day one of them was to become sick and not be able to work anymore I have no idea what will happen to us, we will probably get kicked out of our home by the bank.

 

During working full-time I am still studying part-time 1 day a week at university, due to not being able to study full-time because of work commitments my course is going to take a long time to finish. I have already been at uni for 5 years and I still have many more years to go. I feel very angry and bitter that people around me got the chance to study and be who they wanted to be but I couldn't. At the same time I feel so sorry and bad for my parents, they worked hard their entire lives and did not deserve to be financially in ruins especially at this stage of their life.

 

What makes me feel ever more insecure is the fact that a lot of people my age around me are finding girlfriends and moving out of home and getting married. I will never have the chance to do any of these things because I have to look after my parents until the financial situation is settled down (this could be 5-10 years from now).

 

What makes my situation even more complex is that I think i am a Asexual, I have never in my life had any sexual interest in another female. The few times which I have had sex it was not enjoyable for me and I did not get the natural drive which normal people seem to get. I am convinced that I am a Asexual and I feel pressured that I must find a female partner who is also a Asexual. This is very rare to find such a partner and required a lot of exploring. I currently do not have this time for exploring and I feel that when I finally do have the time it will be too late.

 

A lot of pain has built up inside me through all of these years and I never expressed my problems with anyone in real life because it is too embarrassing for me. I'd really appreciate any advice anyone here can give me. Thanks for your time.

[ClementineK]

It's very noble of you to help your parents out. I don't think most people do that sort of thing. You should be proud of yourself.

 

Can your parents file for bankruptcy or negotiate with the bank to reduce their monthly payments? Do they have anything that is worth a lot of money that they could sell? If they could get a better handle on their situation you could devote more time to studying.

 

Are you sure you are asexual? If I'm not mistaken being asexual is pretty rare. You may have just not liked the girl you were with. Or perhaps you like men? Again, if your parents got a handle on their debt you would have time to explore this part of your life. Even if explore just means thinking about it. I know when I am busy I don't even have time to think about my problems.

 

Good luck! And hang in there.

[Dave2010]

Thanks for the reply.

 

I am still not 100% sure if i am Asexual, I know i am attracted to woman but just have no drive or desire to have a sexual relationship, its very weird. There is a local group of Asexuals in my city who meet every month, i am going to try and attend their next meeting and see how that goes.

 

Thanks for labeling me as noble although to be honest I don't really see it that I way, i believe that 9 out of 10 people would do the same thing if they were in my situation. It just a unfortunate situation and there is no quick fix solution. I am going to take your advice and 'hang in there' and hope for the best.

 

Thanks again.

[ClementineK]

I think the group meeting is a great idea! Asexuality is kind of mind-blowing for me to think about. I'm very bi-polar-esque when it comes to me and sexuality. I do remember thinking the same thought you mentioned ("having no drive or desire to have a sexual relationship") when I was in high school. I also felt it was weird to feel that way. So, I kind of understand... but prolly not completely. Hopefully, you can make some new friends and learn some more about yourself at the meeting.

 

I think we should take an anonymous poll on: would you help your parents in a time of huge financial crisis and sacrifice your own social life and post-pone your dreams for them? I still think that's quite a noble undertaking. You can already write down a tally for no, for me 'cause I know I wouldn't do it. Or perhaps I'm that random one person who wouldn't haha.

[wlh22]

OP... I am not sure if you follow Dave Ramsey (his website/podcast)... Maybe you can call him up and ask him his advice on the best solution for your family would be - bankrputcy or something else... Look him up... You are doing a great thing. Be yourself and be strong.