Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudge this shyt!!!

[HateThatILoveU]

I been in this relationship for 4 years. We have two kids. I have forgiven and learned to trust again 2 times in the past. Enough is enough! I bought him a bus ticket (hell yeah I actually paid for him to leave my life!!!) and just when I start to feel strong and hopeful that I can do this on my own, he calls and acts like it's all good; When I start to hold on to the false hope of our relationship actually working, my heart screams NOOOOOOOOOOO, RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!! But then I realize I fudging LOVE him, for better or worse, the good, the bad and the ugly; that is unconditional love. Riiiiight? Or is it stupidity? He has taken that for granted, assuming that I will always be there... NEWSFLASH, it doesn't work that way!!! He calls me using emotional blackmail and saying that he is going to die. Tonight. He has severe emotional issues. I don't believe for one second that he won't do it. He tried to in the past. I've been researching the symptoms of a sociopath and he may have that problem too! I am scared, I am so scared. I am not sure what to do. He says he will do whatever he has to do. He begs. Literally. In my heart of hearts I feel that this will never work. I feel that he will eventually hurt me and because of his past mistakes, I will never take my wall down again, EVER and that I will end up pushing him away. I also feel in my heart of hearts that I love him, want to help him, nurture him and protect him from himself - but you can lead a horse to the water, you just can't make it drink, right??? He has to want the help. I don't know if I should be hopeful in therapy, counseling, medication, SOME SHYT, that can help him... Could really use someone (nonjudgemental) to relate to right now. Does anyone have a similiar situation?

 

 

[sidehop]

He's trying to get your attention by threatening suicide and not knowing how to deal with his own emotions. I doubt he will commit suicide but in either case a person like him will never bring a healthy relationship. He needs help first.

[HouseKitten]

I agree with Sidehop, this is attention seeking behaviour, He's seen you trying to move on without him so he's resorting to cheap guilt tricks to try and get you back under his control.

 

He's not your responsibility. If you are honestly scared that he might try to do something to himself then contact his family and let them know what he's been saying so that they can keep an eye on him and try to get him help, but at the end of the day you cannot be with someone just because you're scared they might kill themselves. That's not love, that's just fear and guilt, and it'll end up ruining whatever relationship you have left anyway. Make other people close to him aware of what he's been saying, then try to distance yourself from him. Obviously with kids that'll be less easy, but you don't need to see him other than when he's spending time with them.

[Speranza]

He'll do whatever he has to do - except change.

 

This is emotional blackmail and you can't be swayed, not when you have had such clarity of insight.

 

He MAY kill himself. You would then need help to see WHY that was not your responsibility. For now you don't know whether or not he will, just that he is prrepared to go to those lengths to scare you into having him.

 

However, you KNOW you are much much better off without him. The WORST case scenario is that he dies and you have to learn to live with it. Which you will.

 

Or is the worst case scenario that you take him back, set up a pattern for life, forget all the insight you've had, and have your kids grow up around an emotionally stunted, blackmailing, selfish, cowardly cheater?

 

Your call.

 

BTW it's really unlikely that he'll ever access counselling, but it would be extremely helpful for YOU right now.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I agree with the other posters. He is the owner of his behaviours and it is his choice to continue with dysfunctional behaviours. You gave it your best shot but he took advantage of you and has tried to drag you down with him. He is an empty shell of a person and you are far better off without him around. Yes, you may love him, but sometimes love just isn't enough. You need to save yourself from this sinking ship that he chooses to stay on. If you stay with him then 20 years from now you will still be going through the same crap with him.

[CatsMeeoow]

If he threatens to hurt himself again... AND you know where he is at... call 911 and give them the information.

 

You can care about him - especially since you have children together but ultimately your needs for a life outside this drama are more important.

 

I wish you luck in holding to your decisions. Think of your future and your kids.

[simple_girl]

I'm sorry you are going through this hun. It sounds like he is tugging at your heart strings by stating that he is going to kill himself. Stating the obvious here but that is a classic symptom of someone who is depressed and emotionally unstable. You did the right thing by sending him out of the house. Your children do not need to see that kind of behavior exhibited by their parents/caregivers. You need to contact his family, friends, or a medical caregiver for depression. Whoever you think will have the most impact on him is who you should tell first. If you have someone in your life that is suffering from depression, the more your family and friends know, the better equipped they will be at saving his life. Even if they think it is a ruse, IMO I think it should be addressed ASAP.

 

For you personally. First off, you need to make the decision whether to let him back into your life or not. Secondly, once you decide that, you need to understand that he will always be in your life EVEN if you two split up because you have children together. Lastly, if you do decide to forgive and forget, you both will have to make some serious changes in how the relationship operates and how you relate to each other. If he is in a state of depression, that alone could be why he is exhibiting this behavior. There is also a possibility that he is a sociopath.

 

I have a couple of books you should read when you get the chance:

 

"The Sociopath Next Door" by Martha Stout

"Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You" by Susan Forward

"Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us" by Robert D. Hare PhD

 

Having been previously married to a Sociopath/Narcissist, these will definitely shed some insight as to what you are dealing with. You should really do some soul searching as well, maybe find a good counselor if you choose. Don't let him destroy what you are, just help him and help yourself.

 

Just my $0.02

 

Good Luck Hun!

[Fudgie]

It sounds like he's manipulating you. I had an ex boyfriend do the exact same thing to me.

 

I'll suggest to you what I did for my ex and it may work for you: Next time he threatens it, be calm, and say "I care about you and your health. When you say that, it bothers me. If you are feeling suicidal, I will call 911 to get you help, no matter what you say."

 

He's probably going to yell and protest...he wouldn't you to do that because he's not really suicidal. I am sure of this because I have had friends who have been that way in the past and let me tell you - if you are seriously depressed and suicidal, that isn't something you wave around like a flag to manipulate people. I really do think he's manipulating you. The fact that you feel he may be a sociopath speaks volumes.

 

I know you love him, but he's not going to change and he'll keep hurting you. Sociopaths are not good people to ever associate with. Your kids deserve a good father who isn't mental.