first date since the break up

[cntrofthestorm]

haha i wasn't ready yet. none of my friends are awake so i'm going to type here. i feel like crap now. the new guy is fun though and he's nice and i don't think he's looking for a relationship which is good because i'm not at all. we went to the movies and about half way through he put his arm around me, i almost burst into tears right there. i'm not one to kiss on a first day anyway haha but def. made sure to avoid that one. today was exactly two months since the break up and since we last spoke. i miss him a lot and i guess it was time to end the relationship but i still miss him like crazy. i wish he was coming back but i know he's not.

 

broken hearts are rough. but it's all part of growing up, i guess i just have to take it as a learning experience and keep moving forward

[eggplant47]

I think it's a good thing that you were willing to go out on this date. I know it hurts but part of recovery is being able to begin to see yourself being with someone besides your ex.

 

I'm sorry you feel so sad tonight. But at least you cleared the first-date-post-break up hurdle. Hang in there!

[Sn0man]

I find it funny, if not somewhat rediculous, that you femmes will freak out if your ex-bf goes on a date with another woman within a yaer of breaking up with you, yet you all jump back into the dating scene the following week.

 

It's unfair to the guys you're meeting - you're not over your ex, and you're using some other poor sucker to make you feel better about yourself while he's totally clueless as to just how dis-interested you are with him (as he foots the bill for your 'date').

 

Mind numbing stuff, I tell ya.

[eggplant47]

I find it funny, if not somewhat rediculous, that you femmes will freak out if your ex-bf goes on a date with another woman within a yaer of breaking up with you, yet you all jump back into the dating scene the following week.

 

It's unfair to the guys you're meeting - you're not over your ex, and you're using some other poor sucker to make you feel better about yourself while he's totally clueless as to just how dis-interested you are with him (as he foots the bill for your 'date').

 

Mind numbing stuff, I tell ya.

 

Gee, make assumptions & generalizations much?

 

And don't say your speaking figuratively- that excuse only works once or twice.

[Sad-in-Sacto]

I'm not entirely sure if I agree with Sn0man in this area. Both guys and girls go back out there to test the water as soon as they feel up to it. The big question is are you misleading or leaving an impression that there is more to the situation. Are you candid about just getting of a relationship and you are just out to have some fun?

[Mee-chelle]

I don't think dating two months after her break up is bad. Is she supposed to sit around and mope about it for months. Dating others is a part of the healing process. I agree that both sexes do it as well.

[nomad0792]

Well, I'm a dude and I waited about 3 months before I went out on a date. I told her that I was coming out of a hard BU...and she was fine with it. She was nice and see her every now and then, but that first date was so effin hard. I cried after I dropped her off. It's been 4.5 months and I'm still missing the crap out of her. Am I using these girls I've dated (2)? No, cos I'm honest with them, but I don't think they know how deeply I hurt...so, maybe I'm not being completely honest, but I'm paying for the dinner and drinks and I'm a good time, so as long as they have fun, I don't see the pt in telling them how much I miss my ex...ugggghh.

 

So, she went out on her first date. She had to do it sometime...and props to you for going out. It's a first step.

[Mee-chelle]

You won't feel so hurt when you actually go on a date with someone you have the right chemistry with. But we can't continue to see someone unless we have some sort of interest in them. I don't think there was a spark between you and any of the girls you have dated yet.

 

Love doesn't fade. It transfers.

 

Just my opinion.

[cntrofthestorm]

thanks i think it was a good first step too. i feel a little better about it now.

 

 

to sn0man: I feel like I need to say that I paid for myself, thank you very much.

 

 

dating isn't always about looking for the next relationship, it can just be to have fun. i don't feel like i need to punish myself and not hang out if someone who i think is really nice and fun asks me to just because i don't want to start a relationship with them. if he starts acting in way that makes me think i gave him the wrong impression, i will for sure let him know that i'm not thinking about that. but for a first date i think it's unnecessary to tell him my life story and that i'm not ready to be in a relationship. who even knows if that is what he wants (which i'm assuming its not bc we don't even live in the same area right now, i'm just in town for the weekend) i didn't kiss him, he didn't try because i didn't act in a way to make him think i wanted that. so i don't think i was leading him on. it was a casual thing. (and he did know i was just out of a break up)

[nomad0792]

You won't feel so hurt when you actually go on a date with someone you have the right chemistry with. But we can't continue to see someone unless we have some sort of interest in them. I don't think there was a spark between you and any of the girls you have dated yet.

 

Love doesn't fade. It transfers.

 

Just my opinion.

 

True...the difficult part is I don't feel like many women will compare to my ex. I loved her more than any woman in a long time. I think it might be a blessing in disguise that I don't meet a girl that I really like until I feel that I've healed some more. I'm around the 50/50 stage. I had been hanging onto hope for her to come back, but now I'm coming to the realization that it's just wishful thinking...sad really. Oh well, we gotta move forward right?

[nomad0792]

Keep doing it cntr*...you will find yourself having a little more fun each time, but keep it light and let them know, as you have, that you are still trying to work thru things with your last RS.

[Sn0man]

Gee, make assumptions & generalizations much?

 

And don't say your speaking figuratively- that excuse only works once or twice.

I always speak figuratively - it gets the point accross. That is, when I don't employ other tactics such as sarcasm or plain buffoonery - whatever it takes.

 

I've been here long enough to know that sincere, honest responses are most often ignored. Only those that give you pause get read once or twice, serving to get the 'moral of the story' into the mind of the reader.

 

Plus i'm a grump, and thus like to grumble about stuff.

[Sn0man]

 

 

dating isn't always about looking for the next relationship, it can just be to have fun.

And that's perfectly fine as long as your 'date' is completely aware of this.

 

Which they 'usually' aren't.

[thebluest]

After a break up, you just have to work on yourself. And I understand not wanting your ex to think you've moved on quickly, but at the end of the day, s/he doesn't have a say in how you spend your time anymore. It comes down to what you're ready for, not what it looks like to someone else.

 

There's nothing wrong with meeting people. It helps to realise that there are many many people in the world, and the next one you meet may be the one who loves you.

 

A date shouldn't generate immediate expectations of a relationship. It's silly to think that it's unfair on the date that you've had a break up and just want to meet people. If you have a fun date and enjoy getting to know each other, it's not hurting anyone, your date included.

[nomad0792]

My first date seemed to set me back some, but then after a couple of weeks I was ready to try it again, and we had a little bit better of a time. The hard part for me is none of them really measure up so it makes me feel as if I'm going to have such a hard time finding someone that will make me feel like my ex...yes, yes, I know it's early and I can't expect to meet the next love of my life, but who the hell is rational after a really hard BU?

[Sn0man]

A date shouldn't generate immediate expectations of a relationship. It's silly to think that it's unfair on the date that you've had a break up and just want to meet people. If you have a fun date and enjoy getting to know each other, it's not hurting anyone, your date included.

Really? I'll bet you a lot of fictional money that if you told your potential 'date' that you were just out of a breakup and are just looking to 'meet new people', 99.999% of these potential dates would walk.

 

And you're right, it doesn't hurt anyone as long as this 'date' is informed of your intention to 'meet new people' and you're buying your own dinner/lunch/coffee/movie etc.

[marshmlofluff]

Really? I'll bet you a lot of fictional money that if you told your potential 'date' that you were just out of a breakup and are just looking to 'meet new people', 99.999% of these potential dates would walk.

 

That so? I bet you'd lose that fictional money. That or my guy is the 0.001%. I initially declined to date him, saying I was eight weeks out of a breakup, wasn't ready to date, didn't think we were a fit, was uncomfortable with his rather unconventional job, and felt our personalities were entirely incompatible. (How's that for an introduction?)

 

Well, I'll just say he is a patient and determined guy, and also that I had misjudged him on many counts. He convinced me to give him a chance, and was OK with meeting just as friends. Things went uphill from there.

 

We spent a couple of purely platonic days together. He grew on me, and by the third time he came to visit I was suddenly quite ready to date. He's my boyfriend now--and he's a wonderful man, and although it is too early to say, I definitely see potential. And if now and then I think of my ex it is more "gee, I'm really glad he's gone."

[eggplant47]

Really? I'll bet you a lot of fictional money that if you told your potential 'date' that you were just out of a breakup and are just looking to 'meet new people', 99.999% of these potential dates would walk.

 

And you're right, it doesn't hurt anyone as long as this 'date' is informed of your intention to 'meet new people' and you're buying your own dinner/lunch/coffee/movie etc.

 

 

Hahaha! See, you're so hard on women... but I can not tell you how many guys have dated me, my friends, my sisters ect.. and after 2 dates or 2 months revealed that they're not really "looking for a relationship". In fact, this forum is filled with women posting about how they met a guy but he doesn't want anything serious. The hard thing sometimes seems to be finding someone who wants to settle down.

 

I know you just like to grumble but I think your still making a lot of generalizations. And I think if you wanna be grumpy all the time, you should have to change your profile pick to Grumpy Bear, my favorite!