Why can everyone find someone else but not me?!

[GarnetRed]

I am so frustrated! A friend emailed about going to dinner tonight with a guy she has a crush on. This friend just got divorced a few months ago and already she's interested in someone else.

 

I've been single for FOUR years, and I can't seem to find anyone I'm interested in. No, that's not true, but the only guys I meet who seem genuinely interesting are never single.

 

I have not meant ONE guy in four years who I'd like to date. And yet ALL of my friends who have broken relationships, or even gotten divorced, in that time have been able to easily move onto someone else. It's so easy for THEM to meet people- they seem to practically trip over them.

 

What the hell is wrong with me?! I don't get it. I've really tried to meet people, really tried to be interested in the guys who have been interested in me, but no matter what I do, I just can't force myself to be interested in any of them. I've pursued my interests, my hobbies, joined clubs, gone to parties, made myself availlable to as many social groups as I can- NOTHING.

 

I feel like a complete and utter freak all the time and I don't understand what's wrong with me. I'm either seriously screwed up or I have the worst luck in the whole world.

 

And I am so tired of hearing about everyone else's prospects and luck!!!

[Blue Shark]

I do not think there is anything wrong with you. I think that you are just selective in who you choose to date. You mentioned that some of your friends are in broken relationships or are divorced. Maybe they are in these situations because they are not as selective as you are. That means that when you do find someone available that you are interested in, it may be a better relationship then what all theirs were.

[Vince99]

There's probably nothing wrong with you. At least not more than is wrong with anyone else. Everyone seems to think it's a numbers game...just gotta keep looking looking looking. I've been looking for 12 years and not one girl I've liked has liked me. I even tried lowering my standards. So relax! It could be much worse

[GarnetRed]

And yet I feel like I'm in a shoe store and they have every kind but nothing in my size.

 

It wouldn't be so bad if like every time I went out with a new group of people, someone bursts out "this girl is so awesome". It's almost a joke now, how I seem to charm people, none who are ever available of course. I'm not saying this to be conceited, I'm actually ridiculously modest, but it's so frustrating for all these people to like me, but yet, no relationship, not even a good solid crush, all while life rolls on for others.

 

It's just all so frustrating when I hear about everyone else!!!!! And I guess I just need to vent that every once in a while.

 

>scream!

[beatlesfan77]

I know exactly how you feel. Not since high school have I had a girlfriend and I'm 32 now. My best friend got married two years ago and I was one of his groomsmen. I felt the same way you do where he would constantly be with someone and easily find another in short time when things didn't work. Then here I am wondering when something good is going to come my way for once. Like you I have also tried social groups, online dating, friends don't care or want to set me up with anyone, and just being out and about living my life. If you ever want to talk feel free to send me a message.

 

- Kevin

[annie24]

why do you think you are having this problem? i think if you are very quiet, and listen to your gut, you will know the answer.

[glegend]

I feel the same way.

 

Its very hard to see everyone else being in a relationship and still stuck being single. I've been single for 2 years and its a pain in the butt. I go to things like weddings and I practically cry. Everyone has one thing that I had, something that I really want.

 

It kind of hard being in this single position, where you know you can make the sea turn purple, you can make the sea turn turtle, you can turn wine into water, turn sadness into laughter.

 

They say that the right person is out there. I'm starting to choose to not believe it.

 

I'm pretty sure you're not a freak.

[Green Mile]

There are plenty of people in your situation, I know that doesn't help you but it's nice to know you're not alone! It sounds similar to me, as I always find myself attracted to people I can't have, I think someone being in a relationship/married heightens my attraction of them.

[BriarRose]

Garnet, I know how you feel. With the exception of a few short-term flings that really didn't mean anything in the end, I've been single for a few years.

 

I don't know why it's so easy for some people. I think you just have to try to stay positive and keep putting yourself out there. It's easy to get frustrated and not want to date anymore. But that is not the answer. I wish I knew the answer!

[Zerohero]

Many people share your position. You ever get those moments while your watching a couple have their moment you wish you could have something like that again? Especially if you havent had it in years.

 

On the flip side, not all these couples you see around are not all what you perceive them to be. There might be smiles on the outside, but what goes on at home..... well you know the divorce rate.

[george237]

If you haven't been on a date in 4 years I would imagine there is something wrong. Either your too standoffish for guys to approach, your too picky, you aren't presenting your self well, or your not putting yourself out there. Go out as much as possible, have fun, be flirty, and you'll meet someone.

[Zerohero]

If you haven't been on a date in 4 years I would imagine there is something wrong. Either your too standoffish for guys to approach, your too picky, you aren't presenting your self well, or your not putting yourself out there. Go out as much as possible, have fun, be flirty, and you'll meet someone.

 

 

I think she said she does put herself out there.

[Batya33]

Ask the people who think you are so awesome whether they have any friends to set you up with. Also "so awesome" ironically enough doesn't always translate to interest in dating. Many people don't want someone who is "so awesome" in the sense of putting the person on a pedestal - they want someone who they feel comfy with, at home with, for the long term, that is.

 

Also you might have the typical problem of being reflexively bored by anyone who shows a sincere interest in you - some part of you loves the challenge of an unavailable man.

[aurevoir]

Maybe you need to put yourself out their more.

Maybe you are lacking in confidence... therefore many people don't see it.

Maybe YOU should start asking guys out..

 

I can't understand why you haven't been asked out in four years....

 

unless you are selling yourself short in some way.

[GarnetRed]

Actually, a lot of guys have been interested in me, but no one I've been interested. I'm not standoffish AT ALL- I'll pretty much socialize with anyone, I enjoy just talking with people.

 

And I don't think my standards are high at all-I just want someone I click with and who isn't into drama. It just seems like all those guys are already taken (and no, I don't pursue or even fall for taken guys, I just realize that in many cases, IF these guys were available, they'd be interesting to me).

 

And I know not every relationship I see is great- actually I know several that we're all just waiting for the inevitable explosion of drama. That doesn't really make me feel any better though, because as I said, it seems like everyone else just has someone else lined up and ready to go with no time at all.

[GarnetRed]

I can't understand why you haven't been asked out in four years....

 

unless you are selling yourself short in some way.

 

 

I have been asked out plenty, but not by anyone I've liked. In most cases, it's been by someone I've known long enough (weeks, months, of even YEARS in one case) to see fundamental reasons why we wouldn't work. For example, one guy friend who asked me out openly admitted he didn't like to put much time into a girlfriend...uh, right, no thanks (also he was a huge pothead, which I dont like). Another example is a really nice guy who taught philosophy and loved to talk about it- I HATE philosophy, and why would anyone want to date someone who really disliked your biggest passion in life? I wouldn't!

 

Again, the irony is I've met guys I have good conversations with, similar passions, and have a good time with... but they're all taken!

[george237]

Why not just go out on dates with the guys you described above. You never know how they really are till you get to know them.

[Batya33]

I have been asked out plenty, but not by anyone I've liked. In most cases, it's been by someone I've known long enough (weeks, months, of even YEARS in one case) to see fundamental reasons why we wouldn't work. For example, one guy friend who asked me out openly admitted he didn't like to put much time into a girlfriend...uh, right, no thanks (also he was a huge pothead, which I dont like). Another example is a really nice guy who taught philosophy and loved to talk about it- I HATE philosophy, and why would anyone want to date someone who really disliked your biggest passion in life? I wouldn't!

 

Again, the irony is I've met guys I have good conversations with, similar passions, and have a good time with... but they're all taken!

 

Are you involved in enough activities with single people? Not sure what you mean by "not into drama" - why would you assume that many people would be?

[GarnetRed]

Why not just go out on dates with the guys you described above. You never know how they really are till you get to know them.

 

Because I knew them long enough to get to know them and realize there was no spark on my end. I mean, if people can tell after a couple of dates that there's no spark, certainly I can tell after knowing someone socially for months.

 

I'm so frustated. I just got an email from a friend talking about getting a raise and now she can buy the condo she wants. This person lies and cheats her way through life and relationships- apparently that is the only way for good things to happen to you!

[Batya33]

Because I knew them long enough to get to know them and realize there was no spark on my end. I mean, if people can tell after a couple of dates that there's no spark, certainly I can tell after knowing someone socially for months.

 

I'm so frustated. I just got an email from a friend talking about getting a raise and now she can buy the condo she wants. This person lies and cheats her way through life and relationships- apparently that is the only way for good things to happen to you!

 

I knew someone socially for a year and a half - no sparks, and not even a question about it - he just wasn't my type so I thought (I admit, I think mostly it was because he was very obese). It took two dates to realize that not only was I wrong but there were sparks through the roof. Sometimes it's about seeing someone in a different context.

 

Also it sounds like you're in a cynical mood- if this is typical for you, that might be turning people off and might be messing with your ability to be turned on.

[GarnetRed]

Also it sounds like you're in a cynical mood- if this is typical for you, that might be turning people off and might be messing with your ability to be turned on.

 

AGAIN, it's not about people being after me, it's me not find anyone I have sparks with. I have tried, it hasn't happened. Attraction can't be forced. WHat good is a realtionship if it is? I don't want to have to just settle, but more and more, that's what it's looking like it's going to have to be for me.

[Vince99]

Everyone settles in one respect or another.

[Batya33]

AGAIN, it's not about people being after me, it's me not find anyone I have sparks with. I have tried, it hasn't happened. Attraction can't be forced. WHat good is a realtionship if it is? I don't want to have to just settle, but more and more, that's what it's looking like it's going to have to be for me.

 

No, I did read what you wrote. And, again, my opinion is that your negativity might be hampering the sparks. Attraction cannot be forced but you can make sure that you are as open as possible to the sparks and negativity is a sure way to close yourself off.

[GarnetRed]

I'm not negative around other people. But if I don't feel anything, even when I do try to force it, then I don't feel anything.

 

ANd I don't believe negativity is ultimately a factor. If that were true, being positive all the time would cause positive things to happen and I KNOW that's not how it works.

[adamt]

i've been single for about 11 months. with the last 4 months making efforts to find someone new. it isnt easy and very frustating. you like them they dont like you or the otherway round, but there are plenty of single poeple out there. the hard part is finding out where they all hang out or what the do in their spare time. more than likely there will be many others attracted to you who are thinking the same, its just finding where they are hiding