conflicted over texts

[Charis1978]

I wasn;t really sure where to post this. This guy left me six months ago after a fight and ignored all my texts and calls. He did write me a letter about how we dont mix (even though we seemed to for 2 years). I then find out that he has had been dating this girl the whole time while telling me he wanted to be friends for now but maybe more in the future. (To tell you the truth I dont know if she even exists bc he spent so much time with me when did he have time to date her)

 

Anyways, Im upset he lead me on but im more upset about ignoring me for six months. Now he is texting me telling him that no contact was hard on him too but he has a breaking point when it comes to arguments and i know how to push his buttons and shutting people out is how he copes. He still maintains that he didnt lead me on bc he is 23 and plans to date alot in his life so maybe in the future we will date....argh if you want to solidify a friendship why say * * * * like that when you have no intentions of dating.

 

Anyways at this point part of me really doesn't trust him or believe a word he says but the other part does. I don't know how we could ever be friends again. I thought maybe he was dumped and was hardup for friends but he maintains they are still seeing each other. What do you guys think????

[ToF]

I think you should move on, as difficult as that sounds.

 

This guy found someone else and didn't even have the decency to let you know. Granted, he was well within his rights not to, but since you were so close I think he should have mentioned it.

 

Some people need space after a break up, so you can't do anything about that. And he IS free to date whoever he wants, so I don't think you should tell him about how hurt you are about that anymore.

 

Essentially, you are broken up, so his business is his business and vice versa. While it didn't go down very well and you ended up getting hurt, in the end the situation is the same.

 

My advice? Just cut your losses and get a move on. You'll heal in time

[G-Snap]

I'm sorry to make it sound so simplified, but this one is simple. He is dating someone else, he tried to let you off the easiest way he could (the easiest on him rather), and he has no interest in dating you. What more answer could you really need here? Why on earth would you be interested in maintaining a friendship with this guy? And sounds like he likely started seeing this other girl before it was even over with you and used the argument as an excuse to not contact you anymore.

 

He isn't real friendship worthy it would seem. And this other girl will likely experience the same treatment when he tires of her and moves on to the next.

 

And if you still have attraction for him a friendship will only be painful for you.

[Charis1978]

but I did move on. what I dont get is why he even wants to be friends if he has her.

[G-Snap]

Wow just realized you said he ignored you for SIX MONTHS. Tell me again why you would want to keep this guy as a friend and why you are even letting this concern you?

 

He isn't interested in friendship. He is just saying that to appease you. You don't ignore someone for six months after leaving them for another person and honestly view them as a friend. Would YOU treat a friend that way? I doubt it.

[G-Snap]

but I did move on. what I dont get is why he even wants to be friends if he has her.

 

But what I don't get is why you are allowing this to concern you? Who cares if he came back asking to be friends. You don't have to be his friend.

[Charis1978]

Because i want to make sure I do the right thing. Any other time yes I would tell them to go fly a kite but this is how he copes with things that really upsets him - he shuts it out. he learned it from his father who actually shut out his sister for years.

[G-Snap]

Because i want to make sure I do the right thing. Any other time yes I would tell them to go fly a kite but this is how he copes with things that really upsets him - he shuts it out. he learned it from his father who actually shut out his sister for years.

 

But sweetie, that isn't your problem. Everyone has a sad story of some type or another, just because he shuts things out or learned that from his dad doesnt mean you have one bit of obligation to befriend him. I'd actually suggest not doing so.

[Charis1978]

thanks for your help G-Snap. I just texted him using pretty much what you said - what kind of friend ignores you for six months. I told him he has ditched me twice already and i cant keep going through the friend not friend cycle. Its too emotionally draining for anyone. I guess I just needed some validation bc he is a good manipulator and I end up thinking he did nothing wrong when he talks to me and im a bad friend if i leave. thanks so much

[G-Snap]

I think you did the right thing. Now try not to let it worry you, and there is no requirement for you to respond back to him if he texts back trying to get you to change your mind.

[Charis1978]

i doubt he will respond