Why is he so selfish?

[kt_belle]

Last night i turned to my ex as a friend (not as an ex) because i needed help. I needed someone to talk to. Well i found out what he is truly like.

 

And he is a selfish jerk!!

 

Apparently since I am in NC that gives me no right to turn to him when I really need help and since we are not getting back together him caring about me or loving me no longer matters.

 

What the hell did he expect? What does he want from me?

 

He keeps telling me that apparently i want everything my way or no way and yet EVERYTHING has been his decision. He chose to be single (because of his commitment issues). I didn't have a choice. I just had to cope with it as best I could.

 

What is his problem??

[hexaemeron]

Problem isn't with him, it's with you. You can't decide to end NC just because it benefits you at that time. He was right to tell you to take a hike. I would too. If you want NC, you got NC.

[agent1607307371]

Last night i turned to my ex as a friend (not as an ex) because i needed help.

 

But he's not your friend, he's your ex.

 

And he has a point. Friends are people you speak to and spend time with. They are not activites you engage in with an ex you are in NC with.

[DN]

If you are saying that you can go NC when it suits you but expect him to be there for you when you want him to - then I think he is in the right.

[kt_belle]

I know its wrong of me to expect him to be there for me.

 

I guess i just thought when he said he would always be there for me if i needed it, that he actually meant it.

 

I guess the part i forgot to leave out of this post is how he's messed me around for months since our break up. Even telling me that we were going to get back together when he knew it wasn't going to happen.

 

I never wanted NC but he's kept changing his mind about everything and its hard to keep up sometimes. It seems like whatever i do i'm in the wrong.

 

I know i did the wrong thing but at the same time how would you all feel if you ex gave you hope when in reality there was none? If they continue to tell you that they love you and mean the world to you and yet they are willing to kick you out of their lives completely.

 

I guess i hate people being inconsistent (and yes i know i did that). I wish they would just be like "hey i dont feel the same about you as you do about me, i dont want you in my life" instead of mind games where they make themselves feel better by saying you dont have a chance but oh you are everything to them and they love you more than anything.... sorry end rant.

[HeartGoesOn]

That's the point of "NC", meaning to heal and move on with your life.

[ForumGuy]

I never wanted NC but he's kept changing his mind about everything and its hard to keep up sometimes.

Sorry to be harsh since you are obviouly hurting, but if you decide to go NC, you have to MEAN IT!!!! Otherwise, your ex will be laughing at you, knowing you are not serious.

 

It looks to me as though you are using NC as a manipulative tool rather than a self-preservation tool.

[HeartGoesOn]

^ ^ ^

 

That's not a quote from my post!

[redherring]

I think when people say to each other things like "I'll always love you...I'll always be there for you" etc. it needs to be taken with a pinch of salt.

When they say it, in that moment they mean it- at the moment they WANT to always love you, be there for you. Its less a promise, more an expression of a deep seated feeling from that moment.

The fact that things change, and they may feel otherwise later on (lets face it, relationships do break down and its in everybodys interests to stop hurting) doesn't detract from that moment- it meant what it meant at the time and no future events can change that.

 

I can understand you feel betrayed- a lot of people do when things like this happen, and I know how tempting it is to turn to an ex for comfort when things are rough but if you need to stay away from each other, you need to stay away from each other no matter what you told them in the past.

[Justrandom]

I think you guys are being a tad harsh. I don't think I'd ever contact my ex about

problems in my life, just because I'd rather she not know if things are going bad with me.

However, if I ever really had a problem and I needed her.. I know she would at least listen

and probably attempt to help me, and vice versa. But every relationship is different and

so are people. So sorry, that sucks.. Hopefully you got the help you needed from someone.