I feel i'm going to break the NC...

[GenoGeno]

But i don't feel it's for a bad cause....I know it could potentially make me really upset to hear from her again and it's definitely not going to be what I want to hear cause i know she doesn't want me back right now. But...I can't help but think about her and hope that she's happy and i said i didn't want to talk to her anymore 4 days ago. And she respected it....ever since the break up she's been talking to me and i felt like I just couldn't take it anymore so told her to stop. I know she really wanted to keep talking to me it was just be hard for me....I think i'm going to just suck up my feelings and be nice to her though cause she was the best to me in the relationship and i feel like if she want's friendship I do owe it to her and I care a lot so i want her to be able to talk to me if she's in need.....I kind of feel like a wimp for doing this but I also feel there is more potential to get back with her with keeping in contact...cause a big part of it was me never acting like i cared...so maybe me showing her I really do care for her will bring her around eventually...what do you guys think? I just have a big heart for her.

 

I'm kind of skeptical but i almost felt more joy in just talking to her as friends than her not being in my life at all. But at the same time I love her so much.

[fLuiD]

Put it off for another 24 hours. If after 24 hours you still feel like you want to break NC, then do it. But be prepared for ANY response from her, if you get one at all.

[minou]

This sounds like a situation in which to go for it. If that will feel better to you, that is the thing to do, especially since she felt that you didn't show her your care enough.

[GenoGeno]

I'm really hesitant, but i just feel like by doing nothing and not contacting her I'll just prove to her i haven't changed one bit.

I'm going to send her an Easter E-card i think and it will say this...is this bad do you guys think? As in to much emphases on wanting to be friends part? i want her to know i still want to work things out eventually.

 

It's been a couple days now and I've been doing good and I hope you are too. I've kind of come to the realization through these last couple days of not hearing from you or taking any initiative to speak with you that I did get a lot of joy in still talking to you and that's all i really needed to find out. Even though it made me sad, It also made me really happy at the same time to be talking to my favorite person, I'd just be happy if we talked a lot more now than we ever did when we were going out and maybe could eventually hang out and start fresh with a good solid friendship. I probably won't reach out too much because I am trying to feel better but I don't want you to feel shut out or anything of that sort. I find myself thinking about you a lot and wanting you to be extremely happy so I take back not contacting me if you want, that's kind of immature, I'll suck it up. So if you need to talk to somebody at anytime (doesn't matter what time it is) I'm still always going to be here for you not matter what.

 

Party like it's 3013!

HAPPY EASTER DINGUS

 

 

FEEL FREE TO RE-WRITE THIS A BIT FOR ME TO GIVE ME IDEAS haha

[GenoGeno]

I need some help with this guys please! haha

[darwi]

Hi Geno

 

> cause a big part of it was me never acting like i cared.

 

Then, why don't you tell her you really care about her, but don't know how to show it.

It's probably what she really wants to hear.

 

Then, maybe, you'll both start to talk (and listen) to each other.

[iBroken]

You are going through withdrawal....you think if you just get a hit, it will help you feel better for just a bit. But the problem is, what you are doing is causing more harm then good.

 

Like any drug, you got to quit that ish........if you do coke and want to break the habit, doing a line every 4 days isnt staying clean?

 

You might think it will help you here, but it wont. Remaining in contact with her allows her to "Friendzone" you. Then what happens when she starts dating again. You become the explosive, psycho ex.

 

If you truly want to be "friends" with her, back off and and give it time. You can only be a friend once you have removed yourself from the situation to let all romantic feelings dissolve.

 

You feel like your silence is sending the wrong message, but it sending the right message. She has said you cannot get back together........your silence shows respect of her decision while standing up for something you believe in......yourself. It shows confidence.

 

Dont think of your silence as pushing her away. NC doesnt change that. I keep saying, if the dumpers want to come back, they will move water to do it...and if they dont come back, then they never wanted to come back to begin with.

 

I encourage to stay NC.....good luck

[Live-N-Learn]

Ok my friend. I know exactly how you are feeling. You really need to read the link I have attached. It will give you a game plan if you are going to go down this very dangerous path of "Fake Friendship".

 

I am not in any way judging you and know how hard it is to not contact your X. Read the post and let me know what you decide. Good luck.

 

 

[GenoGeno]

Yeah what you're saying is true, but i do believe under certain circumstances and with certain people situations differ. If i was never one to seem like I cared and she loved me. You never know what could happen when you actually do show you care...I think people are just scared of what they don't know. It's true NC will help you feel better over time...but i also somewhat believe you should fight for what you want and in my case...maybe not others. I never cared enough. (obviously if you were to clingy NC would be the best bet)

 

Who knows, a change of heart could spark that feeling in her that she's always wanted from me...I'd love to come back on here in a month or something and say to all of you that going with my gut feeling was right and now I'm happier than ever. Probably very far fetched but....miracles do happen. It may be a good month or two or three of feeling not so great because I'm in the friendzone but i could use that to better tactic myself. If i see she is moving towards it slowly then I'm making progress, If i see that she isn't then I can break it off at that time. I just think it's good to pursue into the friendzone a bit to see if anything can come out of that...you can back out at anytime you want you just have to be able to endure a little bit of prolonged pain. It's really a gamble in my opinion.

[Live-N-Learn]

Check out the link I posted Geno. Let me know your thoughts. I think it will help you.

[ForumGuy]

You really should stay in NC even though it is terribly hard.

 

Believe me, I have been NC for about 5 weeks now and I have had several bouts of weakness like you are having right now. I psyched myself into oblivion more than once but resisted the urge and felt much better about remaining NC afterward.

 

She emailed me a couple of days ago concerning details about our house that she is moving out of and I am moving into. I would not have replied except was absolutely necessary. I replied with confident answers and threw in a hint of how good life was treating me these days. She wrote back very nicely and thanked me.

 

I am sure the "thanks" was for leaving her alone and I feel good about that. I would not have heard back from her at all (the 2nd time) if I had not remained NC for several weeks prior. I am continuing NC and after this amount of time am feeling better than ever since the split.

 

Like one poster said, NC makes you look confident and secure in living without her. Whereas breaking NC, especially after you initiated it makes you look like a game player of sorts. If you don't follow through with your decisions, no one will respect them.

[darwi]

Yeah what you're saying is true, but i do believe under certain circumstances and with certain people situations differ. If i was never one to seem like I cared and she loved me. You never know what could happen when you actually do show you care

 

take the chance, maybe she loves you and will respond to the care.

 

 

...I think people are just scared of what they don't know.

 

yes, everyone is, but sometimes it's great to just go for it,

you get knocked back? ok, it hurts, feel down, but then,

at least you'll know you tried.

 

It's true NC will help you feel better over time...but i also somewhat believe you should fight for what you want and in my case...maybe not others. I never cared enough. (obviously if you were to clingy NC would be the best bet)

 

then fight, sweetie.

 

Who knows, a change of heart could spark that feeling in her that she's always wanted from me.

 

yep, but, do you want to light that spark?

 

 

..I'd love to come back on here in a month or something and say to all of you that going with my gut feeling was right and now I'm happier than ever. Probably very far fetched but....miracles do happen.

 

not miracles, just people stuff - you make it happen or not.

 

It may be a good month or two or three of feeling not so great because I'm in the friendzone

 

what is this friendzone stuff?

 

but i could use that to better tactic myself. If i see she is moving towards it slowly then I'm making progress, If i see that she isn't then I can break it off at that time. I just think it's good to pursue into the friendzone a bit to see if anything can come out of that...you can back out at anytime you want you just have to be able to endure a little bit of prolonged pain. It's really a gamble in my opinion.

 

Why not just tell her how you feel?

 

no games.

[GenoGeno]

I checked that article out scott and it's a good read thanks for that. I just can't help but feeling like it's wrong. Who knows you guys are probably right and i'd just be prolonging my pain but i dunno....in a way i put her through a lot of pain i feel like giving back a bit even if it means for me to be hurt. Kind of messed up.

[GenoGeno]

Oh i've told her how i feel and she wasn't having it...i just don't think she believe i'd change. Since she's given me so many chances..I think I'm just going to stop with the asking and just start being a genuine person again.

[darwi]

Oh i've told her how i feel and she wasn't having it...i just don't think she believe i'd change. Since she's given me so many chances..I think I'm just going to stop with the asking and just start being a genuine person again.

 

then go for it, geno,

be you, be true to yourself.

 

with all the doubts, uncertainties, that all of us have,

 

but, if you meet someone, who loves you,

don't let your walls keep them out.

[Live-N-Learn]

How long has the breakup been? It takes time for people to believe you have changed. Depending on circumstances, it could be months if the right set of circumstances do not evolve to allow you to show the growth.

 

I say go for it! It will be the hardest test you have ever put yourself through emotionally, I promise. I say it is worth it, if you can handle it. Not for the faint of heart. However, there is a possible payoff. you win her back over time. Anything short of that will kill you. Or the friendship thing dies off over time. For sure it will happen as soon as she replaces you. Be prepared this may be the outcome.

 

Lastly you check out on her cuz you are not getting your needs met, and the dumpee dumps the emotional vampire.

 

I will tell you a little bout my story because it is similar. I was dumped 10 weeks ago, I mess it up and much of the breakup was my fault. I worked the next 5 weeks trying to "fix it". Well I did make changes in those 5 weeks that were noticeable. These were not real character issues, more circumstantial.

 

So the following week I found this site and like all of us read day and night for the next week! So I tried all kinds of theories on my ex. I went LC, I went NC for 11 days, I went into friendship zone 4 days ago. I broke NC on day 11. I just as you had this instinct that my situation, breakup and relationship was not like most on this site.

 

Although I have learned a tremendous amount from reading the post, and feel the advice that is giving is solid, I believe it is in 98% of the cases. But I feel mine is one of the 2%. I called her broke NC, it was a hard convesation because I had set up the NC. Now breaking it if I am wrong in my gut that I am in the 2%, I am going regret this call.

 

Well I think I was right. First call tough one. We thave been texting back and forth all week, really sharing our emotions with each other. She is being very open and honest and caring. I text her last night and she text back she is having a hard day. I tell he she can call if she wants. She calls and we talk for 3 hours straight last night.

 

We talk about everything. It was a very healing conversations. We both have some wounds from the breakup. Well it went to well that she and I have set up the times to hang together over the next 3 months. One is trip with me to California...

 

So I am saying if I stayed NC, I know this girl well, she was never contacting me. She has the ability to turn off her feelings, especially if she feels she was wronged. I am willing to risk it...wish me well LOL

[GenoGeno]

Yeah dude I think I'm going to go for it as well...before i initiated NC she was still contacting me a lot and we talked for 3 hours laughing on the phone also. I mean maybe that's just friend like i don't know but it seems like there may be more to it..I know if she still has feelings for me she's not going to tell me, she's going to try to put up a wall for me but I intend to break it down.... Wish me luck as well. We're doing what could possible hurt as a lot! but I do want to take this on an endure it. What hurts you only makes you stronger right...so even if i am wrong. I'll learn from it.

 

I may be looking to heavy into things now but i check her facebook sometimes and see this guy liking her statuses a lot and she likes his a lot....and I may be to late...which sucks.....We've only been broken up for 6 weeks at this point though.