Should i be worried? (guys perspective)?

[jayne27]

my boyfriend and i have been on rough waters lately. some things: we have been together over 5 years; we are long distance because he chose to go to school somewhere 10 hours away; he fancies the female for friendship

 

a few months ago i was looking at his phone and i found he was texting this girl nonstop. some were harmless but others made me curious. she would ask if he was awake at 2 in the morning, they would tell each other to hang out/go over at times where i thought he was sleeping. he swears they're just friends (she is a coworker, and her roommate also dates his bandmate) so they hang out a lot.

 

now, again, we have been fighting lately and i have not talked to him for almost a week now. he has tried sorry excuses for communication.

 

last night i saw he messaged this to a girl

 

"Hey, GIRL'S SISTER ! I'm GIRL's friend from SF and she has told me to inform you that her flight was delayed. She will not be arriving until 8:50! Take care!"

 

 

now i know it seems harmless, but from my perspective i am a little annoyed because 1. he did not try to communicate with me, but he could send this? 2. why is he the one informing the sister? is it his duty? and that means that the girl has been talking to my boyfriend

 

i'm thinking he dropped her off at the airport or something.. i don't know

 

am i just being really insecure/paranoid?

 

remember, i'm very angry/disappointed in him for his lack of effort on communication.... yet i cannot talk to him yet...

[JAZZROCK]

If it were flip side i bet he would b mad. me personally i would b upset. so u r not being paranoid to me that is messed up...

[jayne27]

so do you think it could possibly be more than a friendship?

[JAZZROCK]

yea i do...

[SongCoyote]

Worrying and wondering will not help, nor will avoiding the situation by not talking about it. Communication is the key to any good relationship.

 

Talk to your boyfriend. Ask him what's up, and really listen to the answer; don't accuse him of anything, but offer honesty and ask for it in return. Share your concerns, but don't project them on him - just because you think it doesn't mean it's so. Choose your questions and words with compassion for yourself and for him - sometimes life is challenging and we don't know what to do with it, and a little caring and openness can make a real difference.

 

Don't jump to too many conclusions, don't make decisions about what to do or say to him too quickly, and remember that you, too, may one day be distracted or bothered by something unrelated to your relationship that will nonetheless impact it.

 

I hope you find the peace you need and the joy you hope for.

 

Light and laughter,

SongCoyote

[oceanblue535]

follow your gut. the female intuition is acute.

[jayne27]

when we do talk, i gently bring things up and he never wants to discuss anything. he thinks i'm being annoying then he doesn't want to talk on the phone anymore because he "can't talk for more than 10 minutes at a time" ... i feel like i never get a chance because he never has time for me, and when he comes home and i can be face to face he makes me feel stupid for wasting time....

 

there is so much more, i hate complaining. i believe there is good but the other girls and texting ex girls he misses them and not trying his absolute best to communicate with me hurts.

[oceanblue535]

There's only so much u'll be able to take

[mikem]

when we do talk, i gently bring things up and he never wants to discuss anything. he thinks i'm being annoying then he doesn't want to talk on the phone anymore because he "can't talk for more than 10 minutes at a time" ... i feel like i never get a chance because he never has time for me, and when he comes home and i can be face to face he makes me feel stupid for wasting time....

 

there is so much more, i hate complaining. i believe there is good but the other girls and texting ex girls he misses them and not trying his absolute best to communicate with me hurts.

 

Doesn't sound good. When they start shortening their conversations with you on the phone, it's an indicatotor that 'something is up'. He might be seeing someonelse. Keep an eye on this.