Is it possible to remove our perception filters and see reality for what it is?

[Mauxly]

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about who I am, and how I interact with significant others. I’ve been in failed relationship after failed relationship. Of course, it has been easy for me to spatter this forum with what he did wrong or how he’s an asshat. And I’m not going to retract any of it. He did a lot of things wrong and in the end, at least so far as romance goes…he’s a giant asshat from Asshat land.

 

It is over. And I’m grateful for that.

 

But I do realize that I am the common denominator in all of these failed relationships. And they seem to keep getting worse. So I’m trying to take a good long look at where I went wrong. The obvious answer is that I’m a poor judge of character, and I hold on too tightly to things that are destined to the garbage heap. But what else? Do I posses some major character flaw that forces man to want to cheat on me or otherwise mistreat me?

 

Do I have a perception issue? Do I perceive mistreatment where other people would perceive it as normal behavior? Am I too sensitive? Too needy? Or do I simply fear being too needy and sensitive so I justify/excuse bad behavior on their parts?

 

The most difficult thing about this is that self assessment is extremely difficult because I’m clouded by expectations, emotions, wishful thinking. I can perceive myself as the person I want to be, maybe not who I really am. Other times, I can perceive myself as deeply flawed and blame myself for things that have been completely out of my control. The men I’ve dated happily oblige that one.

 

What is the truth? How do you sift through all of that emotion and get to an objective truth?

 

You know that question, “If you could have any superpower, what would it be?”

 

I think, for right now, my answer would be, “To have the ability to see true reality beyond personal perception and preconceived notions”

 

I suspect this may either relieve me of most of my anxiety. Or drive me to eat a bullet.

 

Thoughts?

[statler]

the thing is, there is no 'true' reality....Reality is subjective. You can, however, try to take yourself (or your ego) out of the equation when possible, take the "I" out of things, and try to see things as a detached observer. You might find much happens for reasons that actually have nothing to do with you, but your worries and anxieties that they do lead you to believe otherwise.

[JonasWaingaro]

 

I think, for right now, my answer would be, “To have the ability to see true reality beyond personal perception and preconceived notions”

 

I suspect this may either relieve me of most of my anxiety. Or drive me to eat a bullet.

 

Thoughts?

 

Seeing the world that way would be chaos. (well more chaotic =p ) Your personal perceptions and notions give you a frame to see the world in some 'order'. Okay okay, I know you actually mean see people for what they are! hehe Thing is people are easy. They tell you in the first hour who they are and what they are capable of, we just don't listen. Or they hit us with those puppy dog eyes and we think 'oooh he/she would never be an asshat to me.' haha Wrong.

[Mauxly]

Thing is people are easy. They tell you in the first hour who they are and what they are capable of, we just don't listen. Or they hit us with those puppy dog eyes and we think 'oooh he/she would never be an asshat to me.' haha Wrong.

 

Lol, TOTALLY!

 

That wishful thinking nails me every time.

But this isn't even about being able to perceive others, it is self perception.

 

Who am I really??

 

No one thinks THEY are the asshat....

[JonasWaingaro]

Lol, TOTALLY!

 

That wishful thinking nails me every time.

But this isn't even about being able to perceive others, it is self perception.

 

Who am I really??

 

No one thinks THEY are the asshat....

 

haha well yeah, I generally assume I wasn't the asshat. Anyhoo, in a way we all are, everyone has bad/dumb days. I sure do and did. But your last guy was, is, an asshat. I hate to stereotype, I really do, but he fits into that surfbum/skatepunk/skibum/bikebum/riverguide asshat catagory. Ya know, guys who never quite grow up and figure the world is just a season to play in. Which is fine, helluva lotta fun if you can pull it off, but don't bring others along for that ride because it's a selfish lifestyle. Pretty hard to commit to another when you've committed to a lifestyle first and foremost.

[Creative]

No one thinks THEY are the asshat....

 

This is the first time I came accross this word.

 

Some people are just more prone to see things as it is. It's not like they don't exist around you, but you may not have met too many of them because they tend to be more private. But if you know one or two of them in your life, they'll be able to tell you it like it is.

 

Buddhism follows the way of truth, but unfortunately, there is no good representative who can teach you without you falling asleep, and people don't actually understand that Buddhism is not a religion. Perhaps you can be a learner from Buddhist wisdom.

Find a balance between associating with the world and learning from this philosophy.

[livelarge]

I think we spend too much time analyzing others in our failed relationships rather than analyzing ourselves. I've dated many crappy people, but the issue isn't whether they are crappy or not, but why I choose them over and over and over again.

 

For me, I totally understand that I want my relationships to fail and I don't want it to be my fault so I find totally unavailable people to fall madly in love with. And surprise! they are unable to commit and love me the way I CLAIM I want to be loved. But in fact they are doing exactly what I want them to do and they are loving me exactly how I subconsciously want them to.

 

Knowing it is half the battle. Now the trick is to change the pattern.

[Naru]

Well thats another way of saying love is blind maybe you fall for someone so hard you become blind(not literally) maybe relaxing more often is what u need, love is love, ok ok im young what do i know right?, well the answer is a hell of a lot otherwise i would have blocked my age to insure there were no prejudice against me, but back to wat i was sayin, subconscious behaviors arent entirely accurate, i would say.....less than 35 percent of it being possible in any giving situation. Relax and live life for urself and mr or miss right well come alone just fine. People tend to analyse everything around them so much that they dont notice the walls there putting up around them, im pretty sure youve heard this one....the one will find you you wont find the one, but also there is a downside to that if no one is looking then what...lol joking

[jettison]

You think a lot like I do in this post. And I lend the "common denominator" line occasionally. That said, I have to take exception with your superpower. There is simply no way you can pass on invisibility or flying. No freaking way. If you had either quality, you'd have so many scores of suitors to choose from that you wouldn't even have to think about your character flaws any longer. ;-)

 

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[quirky]

I don't think there's an objective truth. There's too many parameters uknown to us to define that. Even if you find truth it can quickly change. I would try and view the past relationships not as failed but as experiences that brought me closer to understanding myself, life and love. It is our ability for memory that goes hand in hand with our ability of logical thinking and self awareness.

 

The secret is living in the present and trusting that you will handle anything that comes your way.

 

I don't know your background but intuition has a lot to do with making good choices. Self awareness helps understand others quicker and better. So does having lived life, taken risks, understanding the good and the bad. When you've been "bad" you can see that in someone easier. Speaking up is another good one, first and foremost to yourself. Trusting your intuition+being true to yourself=noone will take advantage of you.

[Creative]

I think the issue with intuition is that not everyone have the natural knack for it. It's something that takes years to develop and perhaps a way to do it as well.

[pinecone]

There is a true reality I think.. but we'll never see it. We are a product of our past experiences and so will always be influenced by things other than the present truth. It doesn't really matter anyway though, what matters is the way you percieve things, and how that makes you feel.

 

Shame that.

[minou]

If you think you may have been too needy, there may be some truth there... which isn't to say he wasn't also at fault in some way.. I don't know your story... Being too needy does tend to generate the opposite reaction in the other, they'll want to pull away or act out unless they are conscious enough to talk to you about it and help you work it through... unless they are happily codependent. The goal of short-term therapy is to help you remove the filters, understand how they came to exist and transform how you exist in the world.