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Last summer, I went through a horrible break up with my high school sweetheart. The end came because he couldn't take any more years of an LDR (it had already been for three and a half yrs), and he found someone else right down the road. Also, he lied to me about this girl, so he probably cheated on me before the breakup.


I also found someone else down the road at college. We've been inseparable the past six months and might as well be living together. He seems to get me more than even my friends do. Out of the blue, his mom tells him is being forced to come home for school, which is going to be seven hrs away from me. We would be LDR for probably 2 1/2 yrs. Even during the summer, we would be apart.


I am having a panic attack. I can't stop crying, while he is in complete denial. I've already done the distance thing and I know how hard it is. He hasn't. I can't imagine being at this school without him, and my heart feels broken. My friends just tell me to break up with him and not drag it out, but I know I can't. It would be too painful. He is also a one-of-a-kind person. I will have all these memories of us doing things together on campus next year... and I just can't imagine how much that is going to hurt


Is there any chance for us? How are we going to survive the transition to seeing each other all the time to once a month?

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Well, there are two things to address. The first is something you probably won't like me saying, but I feel like it's important to look at. You said you dated your ex starting in high school and then 3+ years after? And then within just a few months, you were dating someone new? I know that there is no magic number about how long to give yourself to get over an ex, but a relationship lasting that long would warrant more time than you took. So you're not going to like this, but this guy is a rebound. That doesn't mean that he isn't the one for you. It's just important to realize that often the old feelings were never dealt with, and that in rebound relationships, you often become dependent on the new person because they were what effectively took away the pain. The problem is those feelings didn't just go away, they were buried. So if it doesn't work out, they'll all flood back to the surface, but now you'll have another breakup to deal with on top of it. This can be hugely painful.


I could go on and on forever, but the issue now is that you have already caught feelings for this person and feel like there is something really there. That's good news. And in my eyes, rather than looking at this as a repeat of the past, I think it might be a blessing in disguise. This time apart could give you the time you need to deal with everything and start building an identity of your own. You would have the love and support of this new guy, and at the same time, the freedom to become the strong independent person that I'm sure you'd love to be.


Does that mean it's going to be easy? No. Definitely not. I'm in a long distance relationship myself, and at times, it feels like my heart is missing, but in the end, if you can fight all the battles that come up, you will be able to win the war, and things will come out so much better on the other side.


Just my two cents.

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Thanks JJMAC. That was def helpful. I tried going through every precaution possible to make sure this guy wasn't a rebound. Maybe he was in the beginning and my feelings have grown immensely. I think the independent part will be good for me too. I'm trying remember I've done it before, so I can do it again. how long until you won't be LDR anymore?

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Yeah, no worries. Good luck with everything. I hope it all works out.


My girlfriend is studying abroad in France, but she'll be coming back sometime next month. Unfortunately, her family needs her to go home for the summer, so she'll be about 250 miles away for another couple of months. I was of course a little bummed to hear that, but I love that her family is so important to her. Besides being super hot, it's one of the many things that makes her so special. And, 250 miles is nothing. After a couple 6000 mile treks to Europe, this is cake.


So, to answer your question - next month, we'll be done with the really far long distance, and then probably around August, we'll be completely done with any distance.


Where do you live, and where is he moving to?

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