Solutions to staying hard

[mdl]

I am a 22 year old virgin and my girlfriend and we attempted to have sex last night. Everything was going well with the foreplay and I was rock hard almost the entire time. When I first tried entering her I could not get it in. On my second attempt I went completely soft. After many attempts of getting hard and then getting soft when trying to enter, we ended up calling it quits. I discussed it a little bit with her and she thinks it is because i was nervous and she is completely understanding about the whole situation. I find her extremely attractive, so that is not the problem. I would like to get a few questions answered.

 

1.) Has anyone else had this problem?

2.) What is the best way to solve this problem?

3.) Could too much foreplay be related to this problem?

[Catdancer]

1. yes

2. blow your first load during foreplay, then you'll be ready to go for round 2 inside her

3. see # 2

[Cognitive_Canine]

Have you ejaculated in front of her with oral sex or hand job?

[mdl]

No, I have not ejaculated in front of her. Would it help if I did that?

[Catdancer]

No, I have not ejaculated in front of her. Would it help if I did that?

 

Yes it would. ALot of the nervousness comes from performance anxiety. That's why I said to cum first during foreplay. It kind of gets it overwith (so to speak) and sets your confidence so that you can have vaginal sex.

[KeepMe]

Oddly enough my boyfriend was the exact same age, with exact same problem. Of course he thought he was impotent, and E.D at 22. If you are nervous then it really will be a problem, as long as she is understanding.

Mainly it takes time according to him, and luckily we haven't had any problems since. Getting practice in would help, you can't expect to be the best on your first shot. Then you have the ironic thing that hits you. It's best that you concentrate and try to stay focused, however too much concentrating and focusing can work against you and not get you anywhere. Take things slow, and don't expect too much of yourself. You'll be fine after a few times, and it gets better.

[Cognitive_Canine]

No, I have not ejaculated in front of her. Would it help if I did that?

 

Yes, definitely. Once you've done more, the nervousness goes down.

 

I'd tell her that you think you need to take more baby steps before you can be less nervous about having sex. Ask if you can go down on her and if she can go down on you. You may need to masturbate in front of her though. My boyfriend couldn't ejaculate through oral sex and I suggested that he just try ejaculating by masturbation in front of me. Of course...I helped. But, it was easier to use a more familiar method to ejaculate. Then we had zero problem when it came to oral sex.

[Organs]

Well, once I'm in a girl, I try to alternate my thinking between something that gets me horny and something that is the farthest thing from sex I can imagine. Maybe it'd be a scene from "Jacob's Ladder"? Maybe it'd be a disturbing news item? Maybe it'd be something annoying my dad said to me? Then I'd get horny again and go back and forth a little.

 

I don't try to blow my load until I know she came at least twice.

[mdl]

Basically what i have gotten from this is that i should ejaculate in front of her to calm my nerves.

[abitbroken]

I think its performance anxiety. You are so set on wanting to do it that it doesn't happen. Lubrication might also be an issue. Use a condom that has a spermicidal lubricant and use a lubricant inside her too. Also, if SHE is nervous, her vagina and cervix will tighten up so you won't be able to get in at all. I would normally say masturbate beforehand but your problem ISN"t premature ejaculation so that may not help it.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Basically what i have gotten from this is that i should ejaculate in front of her to calm my nerves.

 

Ejaculation, and just doing more things with her. Once you've done everything except for sex, sex is just another drop in the bucket of intimate acts.

[Cardinal]

And also, just the idea of thinking that things will work the first time would be misguided.

 

Consistent effort will pay off as long as neither of you harbor any kind of negative emotion about the experience.

 

Definitely, get used to having orgasms with her. That might as well go both ways to where she is comfortable with both achieving orgasm by your efforts and also with being easily penetrated with you there.

 

Sometimes the girl is a little tense too and things tighten up like you wouldn't believe. Driving a nail straight through a brick wall is a lot of fun once you are experienced, but can lead to a shocking failure for the guy the first time he tries it. You can go from excited to 'thinking' 'why didn't it go right in'. Once you start any kind of thinking process, you shift from being turned on by your primal urges to thinking with logical brain and that combined with performance anxiety kills many erections. There is no reason to even feel bad about it. In fact, it might as well be considered an expected response based on circumstances.

 

Definitely blow your load the first time before you have actual intercourse with her. You'll stand a chance at lasting more than a minute. Just echoing advice already stated that too many virgins don't take.