Nc with kids

[Sonicxman]

First I would like tell everyone that I have gotten alot of information and good advice from this site, so thank you. I am not sure if I am doing the right thing or not but here is my situation, ex and myself have been divorced for 2 years now after 9 years of marriage and I have 3 kids with her (The oldest is 11). For the past 2 years, after our divorce I have been trying to get back with her. Finally I realised it just wasnt going to happen and I needed to break away from her emotionally so I went no cotact. I am on day 29 of no contact with her which includes my children, which I severly miss. The reason why I went so long without seeing my kids and no contact with her, was everytime I see her, she acts like we are a couple again, I end up spending the night, we become intimate and I am back where I started from, I'm chasing after her again and where she breaks my heart by saying something like "I love but I'm not in love with you". I am thinking about contacting her briefly today to ask if I can have the children this weekend. I hate waiting a month to see my kids, but would every other week work better? I would like to note that I use to pick up the kids every weekend. The thought keeps racing through my mind that my kids think that I have abandoned them. Thanks for your help.

[guynextdoor]

Sonic, I'm in your situation and I'm in LC with the ex. I have my 2 kids every weekend and a few days during the week. Don't spend the night, and keep any conversation that you have with the ex about the kids and nothing else. GL my friend.

[Sonicxman]

Thanks for your reply guynextdoor.

[Catdancer]

Honey, NC with kids is impossible. I have tried. And there is always a reason to talk to the ex, namely spending time with the kids. My ex and I are kind of like you and your ex, we will get together and he'll spend the night and we'll have sex, but the difference is that we both know that we are not together. And in fact we are in a custody fight with our trial date approaching. I have to admit he fought me relentlessly to see his son more and that told me that he is serious. So, we have worked out a schedule that works for us. He has him every Mon night through Wed morning, every thurs night thru fri morning and every other sat night thru sun evening.

 

My advice is to set up a schedule and take someone with you when you go to pick up the kids, so that you are not tempted back into her bed. She is playing with you, whether she knows it or not.

 

Oh and all this back and forth between you is confusing as hell to the kids, who are the most important ones in this situation.

[AutumnBorn]

Never, never, never go NC with kids. That is cruel. They do not understand and should not be punished because you choose to hop into bed with her. Just say no to the ex, grab the kids and go. Easy.

 

How are you going to get back with her if you act like a couple? It's your choice, too. Grow a pair and say "no" to yourself! She couldn't possibly miss you under these circumstances.

[catfeeder]

Never, never, never go NC with kids. That is cruel. They do not understand and should not be punished because you choose to hop into bed with her. Just say no to the ex, grab the kids and go. Easy.

 

How are you going to get back with her if you act like a couple? It's your choice, too. Grow a pair and say "no" to yourself! She couldn't possibly miss you under these circumstances.

 

I agree. Your kids are counting on you to be the grownup. Don't go NC with your kids under ANY circumstances.

[Sonicxman]

Thanks everyone for your advice. I dont know, it's just everytime I see her I want to talk. I just think it's better that I dont see her. I wish I had family nearby so she could just drop the kids off with or a friend that I knew very well that would help to pick and drop off my kids so I dont have to see her.

[Shortpants]

Yes, please don't hurt your kids in the process of figuring out how to deal with the situation with your ex-wife. They are more perceptive than most parents give them credit for, and this must be terribly confusing for them.

 

What about meeting for pick up and drop off at a public place rather than at her house? That would remove the chance of "staying over" at least. You can still go NC with the ex, just keep any conversations you have with her about the kids, period. If she tries to bring up something else, just say I'm sorry, we need to stick to safe topics, and at this time that is the kids and that's it. When you call the house, just ask for the kids, skip the talking to her. If she tries to bait you into chatting, stick to your guns and ask for the kids again.

 

So, find someplace convenient and public to meet her, get the kids, and make up for the almost 30 days you haven't seen them. You need to focus on yourself and your kids, fixing that relationship and moving ahead. Continuing this way with your ex is doing no one any good... you or your kids.

 

Good luck and go see your kids!

[catfeeder]

Thanks everyone for your advice. I dont know, it's just everytime I see her I want to talk. I just think it's better that I dont see her. I wish I had family nearby so she could just drop the kids off with or a friend that I knew very well that would help to pick and drop off my kids so I dont have to see her.

 

This isn't your kids' problem, and frankly, it's a cop out. You're not going to win any points with your ex by turning into a lousy father, and you're not going to gain any strength by being self-indulgent with your weaknesses.

 

Your kids didn't ask for any of this, and they need their father to be their Dad--not their mothers' lover. Everything else takes low priority to being a good parent.