Feeling low and thinking about life changes

[mca1975]

Hi all, as some of you may know, I suffered a miscarriage recently, 6 weeks ago.

 

I am feeling quite low and depressed and extremely irritable. I am trying my best to fight it, but its a struggle at the moment. Everything seems like a struggle, going to work, getting up in the morning, any small life frustrations throw me into a small rage.

 

I'm thinking about my life actually and my lifestyle and how I don't do any exercise, probably don't get enough sun/sunlight (living in this country), so I have ordered one of the SAD lamps to try out.

 

I have always had anxiety and mild depression problems, but I have noticed myself becoming very bitter about all the horrible things that have happened. I am jealous of people aswell, because it seems like nothing goes right for me and I don't have any luck.

 

Could this negative episode be a consequence of losing our baby and having to go back to the humdrum of normal life? because my boyf and I's life greatly improved, or out outlook, once we knew we were expecting, and now that's gone. It's so depressing. We are unhappy where we live and I don't really go out much anymore which is mostly due to location, money and just growing apart a little from friends who are all mostly single still.

 

I'm thinking about what changes I could make to my life because I am sure thre are things I could do to improve my mood.

 

Maybe long walks, getting more sunlight, maybe some light exercise, eating well and not too late in the evening. Being more active really.... I dont seem to have any motivation right now though.

[CatsMeeoow]

Have you discussed these feelings with your boyfriend? The miscarriage affects his life as well - how is he handling it?

 

Exercise will help fight depression... and full spectrum light (sun or artificial can help as well)... but sometimes we still need to talk to someone about what is happening in our lives.

 

I can understand the lack of motivation which is why you should ask your boyfriend to join you... perhaps each of you can motivate the other. I'm sure he sees your hurt and if you let him know you'd like to try some long walks he'd be happy to help you get out there...

 

HUGS

[mca1975]

Thank you, he knows I am hurting and we do discuss it. I know he hurts too about it, but maybe to a lesser extent than me I dont know, I only say that because he doesnt have the hormones to deal with, I feel very hormonal and irrational right now, though he is a little used to me being like that to be honest. I do suffer with them.

 

He does try to cheer me up, I dont know, I feel in a funk and can't escape. I feel lonely almost and I long for the baby. I feel really negative and am thinking why me a lot. Have been having horrible nightmares too recently. I handled it all so well at the time and just after! But now its all creeping up on me.

 

I think you are right, long walks together, or alone, will help plus my lamp when I receive it. It's not the first time I've felt like this, I suffered grief before, I know it will pass in time. Just got to keep pushing on I suppose. Thanks for the kind words.

 

You know when you just want to shout out IM FEELING AWFUL, HELP! to everyone but you cant do that.

[lavenderdove]

You could have a hormone letdown from the pregnancy, a mini-post partum type depression from the hormone changes, since a miscarriage is a 'chemical' shock to the body in a way similar to giving birth.

 

And it is extremely common to get depressed after a miscarriage. But i read recently that think something like one in 3 pregnancies ends in miscarriage, just usually early enough that it happens around the time of a woman's period so she doesn't realize it. So miscarriage a natural body process, and you have every chance of going onto a normal pregnancy as soon as you desire to try again.

 

You might try taking some 5-HTP, which is a nutritional supplement that is the precursor to serotonin in the brain (and a 'natural' antidepressant/anti-anxiety/anti-irritability remedy). Drug stores carry it, and it is non-prescription. Also take a good multivitamin to replenish your body, and prepare for a new pregnancy if you want to pursue one.

[mca1975]

Thank you for that tip. Would that drug be a replacement for serotonin being lacking in me?

[lavenderdove]

It is a nutritional precursor, which means your body will take it an use it to manufacture serotonin. Lack of sufficient serotonin in the brain can lead to depression, anxiety, and irritability, feeling of dissatisfaction etc., so taking this makes sure your body has what it needs to manufacture more serotonin and hence reduce those symptoms.

 

You can google it to find more info...

[mca1975]

I will thanks, all of those things are what I have, anxiety, worrying obsessively, depression and overall feeling of disatisfaction and restlesness.

[Seraphim]

Remember too, losing a baby is just not losing the physical child you have lost all your hopes and dreams for that particular child and your life you would have had with it. That is an extremely significant loss. And as people have said it is also a big hormonal change. Your body is also going through shock too. I know I was stunned at what happened with my body after mine even though I had had a baby and I should have known. It took 6 weeks to not look pregnant anymore, my milk came in after a few days, and with no baby to give it to. People still asked me when I was due. I could not even look at a pregnant woman without having a panic attack and feeling extremely bitter and angry. I had to stop going into public at all because it made me so angry. I know it is so hard to hear it now, but time really does heal a lot of things. Time does not mean we forget our little one but just that we can cope better and make peace with what happened. It does not mean that there wont be days that are a little harder than others. Be kind to yourself and care for yourself.

 

Thinking of you.

Vic

[mca1975]

thank you so much for your post, it brought a tear to my eye. Our little one never forgotten. How many weeks pregnant were you if you don't mind me asking. That sounds very hard for you Victoria. I was 10 weeks missed miscarriage, but had already started to show a tiny bit, which I just loved.

[Seraphim]

I was 16 weeks when he passed away. I did not know but he had died on the Sunday or Saturday. I felt him move on the Saturday night so he was alive then....but he was "born" on the Monday. It is getting close to that time of year now,(May, he passed away)

I am so sorry for your loss, I can feel your pain in mine. It is so sad that so many women have to live this.Life is so precarious and we do not even realise it. HUGS.

[mca1975]

I was 16 weeks when he passed away. I did not know but he had died on the Sunday or Saturday. I felt him move on the Saturday night so he was alive then....but he was "born" on the Monday. It is getting close to that time of year now,(May, he passed away)

I am so sorry for your loss, I can feel your pain in mine. It is so sad that so many women have to live this.Life is so precarious and we do not even realise it. HUGS.

 

Oh I am so sorry for you, being able to feel your baby and then for it to be gone, is just heartbreaking. I felt terrible even KNOWING that I had the baby inside me and then it was gone, let alone feeling it. I bet you went over and over in your mind those last few days like I did. Hugs back to you. xx

[Seraphim]

Oh I am so sorry for you, being able to feel your baby and then for it to be gone, is just heartbreaking. I felt terrible even KNOWING that I had the baby inside me and then it was gone, let alone feeling it. I bet you went over and over in your mind those last few days like I did. Hugs back to you. xx

 

Yes. I still have those days where I feel down and wonder what I did wrong and if I could have done to save him like I am sure you did. I felt horrible guilt.I think that is part of our grief however misplaced it is, cause it is NO one's "fault", it just happens for mostly whatever unknown reason. Just know it takes time, it really does. Share those feelings though and you find they are all normal and it does feel better to know that people care and that your pain is shared.