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Am I making too big of a deal about sex?

LightbulbSun

By LightbulbSun
in Sex and Romance

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Capricorn3 Grand Master

Capricorn3

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...okay this is my last attempt at trying to make myself sound like I'm making sense.

 

when people get raped by their family members, they can enjoy it because the body is a physical thing and your body responds to it, even if your mind is screaming at you "no this is horrible and wrong!!"

 

God, I feel like a genius on something I've never even done myself right now...

Maybe it's just me, but I find the above comment incredibly offensive and no doubt any women who have been raped by a family member, or anyone else for that matter certainly did not "enjoy" it.

 

If that makes sense to you, and makes you feel like a genius, then I think you need some help.

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IphigeniaSaysHi Enthusiast

IphigeniaSaysHi

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DreamerGirl has apparently watched an Oprah special on incest. Thay may not quantify genius, but ok.

 

There is an ocean of space between enjoying incest and being physiologically aroused by sexual stimuli, regardless of trauma associated with it.

 

 

I will throw another chip on the table for girls who like giving oral. I'm one.

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LightbulbSun Rising Star

LightbulbSun

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Wow, just...wow. Dreamergirl lost me at 'sex is for procreation.'

 

This is why I don't go to a Christian church anymore. It messes with your head. Anyone that can say that child abuse victims enjoyed the abuse is messed up.

 

As far as me, I'm not holding out because I think sex is a sin. I just want my first time to be special. I haven't met a special enough girl for me to consider losing my virginity yet (and no, hookers and women off craigslist don't count!)

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Amore Collaborator

Amore

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Skipping past all the other posts, I could post a lot but don't want to get involved..

 

LightbulbSun, I think your views are incredibly respectable and no, I don't think you're making too big of a deal about sex. While I'm sure sex can still be very pleasurable when it's just with someone you have a lot of lust for (I wouldn't know, I've only had sex in a long-term relationship), the emotional connection and being intimate with the person you love is absolutely amazing.

 

Hold on to your values and don't let society's pressures change your views

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Cognitive_Canine Enthusiast

Cognitive_Canine

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It's funny you've brought up the bible. I have read the old testament from cover to cover. Nothing in there about waiting for marriage, a heck of a lot of prostitutes and a few that God actually favours, and some of the greatest religious figures had a ton of concubines. Solomon had 300, for example.

 

Yes, you can eat chocolate and know you'll like it...if you've tried that kind before. I, many a times, have tried French delicate chocolate. But, chocolate is chocolate, right? Well, I haven't found a chocolate that satisfies me as well as my precious hershey's with almonds. In fact, some brands are down right disgusting. If I would have committed myself to only eating one brand of chocolate without tasting it first, I'd pretty much be stuck with crappy chocolate for the rest of my life.

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Organs Rookie

Organs

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Hey now. Don't be tainting my chocolate. This stuff is to good to corrupt.

 

Besides, silly, you use chocolate syrup for that.

 

Oh, very well. I'll just get myself some popcorn and maybe save the syrup (chocolate or raspberry) for sex.

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HouseKitten Contributor

HouseKitten

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God, I feel like a genius on something I've never even done myself right now...

 

Don't worry, that feeling will pass.

 

I'm interested - have you ever had a long-term relationship? Far aside from having sex - have you ever even had a boyfriend? Because you're displaying a whole buffet of naivety regarding men and relationships in general, which suggests your 'genius' isn't gained from any actual experience in dating.

 

People change. You can be with someone for a year, 5 years, 15 years, and one day they can turn around and tell you they're not happy anymore. They can change in different situations. Some people behave radically differently in a sexual or intimate situation than they would in church or on a date. I don't mean differently just in their actual actions, but in their attitude - some men enjoy very rough, dirty sex, but can incredibly loving and kind partners in all other aspects. Quite a lot of people have sexual fantasies that display sides of them that they won't normally show. So how on earth can you know if you are compatible with someone on those levels, if you refuse to engage in anything remotely sexual before marriage?

 

I'm sure people do it, and some people make it work. But some people also find they have irreparable differences, and they end up divorced. I know I'd rather know my boyfriend fully and completely before deciding he's the person I want to be with forever, than taking a risk and assuming we'll probably be compatible because we seem to get on in other ways.

 

(And while I'm here - I enjoy oral).

 

OP - sex is as important as you make it. The best you can do is try to relax and enjoy looking for the person you might end up sleeping with. If it doesn't happen right now, it's not the end of the world, you're still a young guy. But don't build it up to much - it's both an important thing in a relationship, but not the only thing in a relationship - the odd failure to launch or embarrassing moment is again, not the end of the world!

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DreamerGirl27 Enthusiast

DreamerGirl27

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Dear God, I'm glad I've never been molested, because with the way you guys reacted to me bringing it up, I'd commit suicide over that, too. It's called a physical reaction. Duh. I read it and I didn't think anything weird of the girl at all...I was curious and when I read it, it made sense.

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Cognitive_Canine Enthusiast

Cognitive_Canine

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I don't have the post anymore, but I just read a post by a girl who was molested by here cousin when she was 9 and actually enjoyed it at the time. Nobody said she was weird or anything, they used the same reasoning I did.

 

Her body responded to sexual stimuli but she was emotionally and mentally scared. Sex with someone you love is far more emotional than physical. You're post about it is extremely offensive.

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DreamerGirl27 Enthusiast

DreamerGirl27

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Don't worry, that feeling will pass.

 

No, it really hasn't, especially with people's reactions to me. I never have a reaction to people like that, I hear them out first.

 

Question: If you have an orgasm while you're raped, does that still mean you're sick? Or is it a physical reaction?

 

Think, people, think. It's not that difficult.

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DreamerGirl27 Enthusiast

DreamerGirl27

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Her body responded to sexual stimuli but she was emotionally and mentally scared. Sex with someone you love is far more emotional than physical. You're post about it is extremely offensive.

 

Which is why I wouldn't want to have sex with someone unless I knew I wanted to marry them. Thank you for confirming that I'm right.

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Cognitive_Canine Enthusiast

Cognitive_Canine

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Don't worry, that feeling will pass.

 

No, it really hasn't, especially with people's reactions to me. I never have a reaction to people like that, I hear them out first.

 

Question: If you have an orgasm while you're raped, does that still mean you're sick? Or is it a physical reaction?

 

Think, people, think. It's not that difficult.

 

Wow. You need to stop.

 

Orgasm does not mean that you liked it. It's called being emotionally and mentally scared.

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DreamerGirl27 Enthusiast

DreamerGirl27

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When I said chocolate, I meant the same damn chocolate they sell everywhere in every grocery store. Hersheys, Reeses, Rolos...it's all milk chocolate and tastes the same and is sold everywhere. I'm not getting into dark chocolate/semi-sweet chocolate, I'm talkin' about the good ole stuff you can get ANYWHERE AND EVERYWHERE.

 

You're all not seeing the bigger picture...

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Sparkly Eyes Collaborator

Sparkly Eyes

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and wow, all of you need to stop trying to talk me out of waiting for marriage, or waiting for the person I want to marry as if it's the dumbest thing in the world.

 

Nobody tried to say that. We just told you that love alone doesn't mean that you will have a good marriage. There should be compatibility in many aspects such as sex.

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