Am I making too big of a deal about sex?

[LightbulbSun]

This is related to the "Is Sex Overrated?" thread, although it's not exactly the same.

 

I'm a virgin who believes in waiting for the right person. I've also never experienced anything resembling a relationship, or even a first kiss. I consider myself to be a freak because of this, although I'm wondering...am I making a bigger deal out of sex than I should? Does it really even matter that I'm a virgin?

 

Should I just hold off and wait for the right person, and screw society's ideals that say that a 27 year old virgin is flawed in some way?

[Cognitive_Canine]

This is related to the "Is Sex Overrated?" thread, although it's not exactly the same.

 

I'm a virgin who believes in waiting for the right person. I've also never experienced anything resembling a relationship, or even a first kiss. I consider myself to be a freak because of this, although I'm wondering...am I making a bigger deal out of sex than I should? Does it really even matter that I'm a virgin?

 

Should I just hold off and wait for the right person, and screw society's ideals that say that a 27 year old virgin is flawed in some way?

 

If you do, sex isn't overrated.

 

I think the pleasure of sex varies from who you happen to be sleeping with. It can be great or a huge disappointment. But, if you really love and trust a partner, it's more about intimacy than getting off. That's unbelievably satisfying.

[Theblueman123]

The act is overrated but the connection isn't. If that answers your question.

[LightbulbSun]

Well, what really hurts the most isn't the fact that I've never had sex. That to me is just a physical act. What hurts the most is that I've never kissed a girl - or held a girl's hand (in a non-friendship manner) - or cuddled.

 

I frankly don't care that much about sex. Yes, sure, I have a huge sex drive, but I could easily go forever just masturbating. What I really miss is an intimate connection with another human being.

 

I've long considered myself a freak because I haven't found someone that fits that yet. Am I wrong for feeling that way?

[Taikero]

Am I wrong for feeling that way?

 

I think feeling like a freak is a bit extreme but it's natural to want that connection with someone else, I think.

[DreamerGirl27]

I'm 25 and feel like I am getting "too old", too. I also feel like a freak. I also feel like a freak when people ask me or tell me "I don't believe you'd wait until you were married, because what if the sex is horrible?". I don't understand comments like that, because to me, if you really love a person, how can the sex be horrible? Why do we base a relationship off of sex? Isn't it about the person you're with, whether you have a connection with them, whether you really truly LOVE them.

 

I'm not even waiting for marriage, I'm just simply waiting for someone I can see myself marrying. Someone that I want to spend the rest of my life with. Someone that I can't imagine ever not being in my life.

 

To me, that's what makes sex awesome. Not whether or not each person "got off" or not.

 

Maybe I am old fashioned and stupid for thinking this, but generally, in my heart, it just means I am too good for most of the men I've been falling for, because I haven't found the right one yet.

 

That being said, I have a feeling I'm going to be waiting a REALLY long time before I'm not a virgin anymore, because 1) I am picky AS ALL HECK and 2) I am just NOW getting over a crush on a guy I have somehow gotten really close to (talked to A LOT) who just recently told me he doesn't like me (like that).

 

I'm heartbroken, and I haven't even been on an official date with this guy. That's the other reason I am saving myself, because I have been crying and sleeping more than usual just over a CRUSH. What am I gonna do when I actually do finally sleep with a guy, and he dumps me afterward...you wanna talk about depression. I'll probably commit suicide if that ever happens. (I seriously won't, I would never consider that, EVER)

 

But the point is, is I'm sensitive. REALLY sensitive. I'm going to have to trust someone A WHOLE LOT before I EVER give myself to them in every way. I already give myself to people too much and that's why I get so heartbroken.

 

But anyway...if you go about it the way you are, sex is NOT overrated.

 

It's overrated if you go about it any other way than the way you are.

 

and I know this for a fact and I've never had sex.

 

Hope that helps.

[Sparkly Eyes]

if by sex you mean "intercourse", yes it is overrated. But the whole intimacy experience is not overrated and is very awesome imo.

 

Don't feel like a freak, you just haven't had sex yet. I actually respect you more than a guy who is willing to do just about anything to be done with his virginity. However, maybe you should try more to find a girl you can connect with, because like I said it can be an amazing experience and you better be able to enjoy it as long as you're young and have the drive and energy.

 

Dreamgirl, I warn you, Love is NOT enough for having a good sex life. It definitely makes the sex a lot better, but the couple should also have almost the same sex drives and desires to be able to have great sex.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Dreamgirl, I warn you, Love is NOT enough for having a good sex life. It definitely makes the sex a lot better, but the couple should also have almost the same sex drives and desires to be able to have great sex.

 

Yep. You can love each other all you want but if you aren't compatible...you aren't compatible.

[In the Dark]

Yes that's right.

The World will see you as having something wrong due to still being a virgin.

 

But the thing is, for some people, many men who will not admit.....they are still virgins.

 

Some men NEVER get the chance to lose their virginity to someone they truly love for the first time.

 

Many men and women just cave into the desire of wanting to get laid.

 

You haven't.

 

You have higher morals than some, and or have not been given the chance with someone you have had feelings for.

[greywolf]

Dreamergirl, there is nothing wrong with waiting to have sex with someone, or even waiting until marriage. However, I do think you're underestimating how important sex is. Sexual incompatibility can really ruin a relationship.

 

Although, I have to ask, when you say that you're waiting to have sex, do you mean physical intimacy in general, or just sexual intercourse? Because I think you can get a good idea of what a person is like sexually without having intercourse with them. Although that's probably because I don't think sex means penis inserted in vagina.

[Sparkly Eyes]

 

Although, I have to ask, when you say that you're waiting to have sex, do you mean physical intimacy in general, or just sexual intercourse? Because I think you can get a good idea of what a person is like sexually without having intercourse with them. Although that's probably because I don't think sex means penis inserted in vagina.

 

I agree with you here. People who do everything but sexual intercourse make me laugh tho. I have a lot of friends that say "oh, I didn't have sex with him" like they are good innocent girls and then it turns out they went down on the guy and did other things.

[Organs]

This is related to the "Is Sex Overrated?" thread, although it's not exactly the same.

 

I'm a virgin who believes in waiting for the right person. I've also never experienced anything resembling a relationship, or even a first kiss. I consider myself to be a freak because of this, although I'm wondering...am I making a bigger deal out of sex than I should? Does it really even matter that I'm a virgin?

 

Should I just hold off and wait for the right person, and screw society's ideals that say that a 27 year old virgin is flawed in some way?

 

I saw screw it and do what you can to get it, but that's me. It's a lot of people, really.

 

Honestly, though, if you've never had it and you want it, it's impossible to have a casual view on it. Don't worry if you sound like you're griping or anything. It's not easy to help.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I saw screw it and do what you can to get it, but that's me. It's a lot of people, really.

Honestly, though, if you've never had it and you want it, it's impossible to have a casual view on it. Don't worry if you sound like you're griping or anything. It's not easy to help.

 

I agree with this. OP, you seem very down about your virginity. I think that if you were to just have sex, it'd take away your barrier that is psyching you out and keeping from finding you a relationship.

 

I mean, unless you think you'll have emotional problems with it, then what do you have to lose?

[arcadefire]

Dreamergirl> I feel like the typical female gender stereotype of sex (may I say misogynist) is probably fueling your insecurities around it. For example, you use words like "give myself" "save myself", which historically have only been applied to women to make them feel less about themselves when they do have sex (as opposed to men) when in fact stems from an out dated tradition of fathers marrying off their daughters (who always remains a man's "property") and thus having a better "price" if they are kept virginal. If her husband strays, abuses her, etc then she is shunned and unwanted - the blame is solely on her.

 

To me, sex until marriage is a personal choice. But as times have changed (and rightly so), marrying age has increased to around 25-27 as opposed to 18-19, it is no longer deemed as sensible to wait.

 

It may be an unrelated issue, but to hear someone say that they will commit suicide if they choose to have sex with someone for their first time then get dumped... it seems like you need to examine your own insecurities about the importance you place on sex before you even get into a relationship with someone. Believe me, sex is not a reason to commit suicide over. There are people in this world who have suffered far more atrocious crimes and are clinging to survive.

[DreamerGirl27]

Well thank you everyone, I feel like a freak even more.

[DreamerGirl27]

greywolf, I mean everything, the whole enchilada, I am waiting until I find the right person to do ANYTHING with.

[Cognitive_Canine]

You shouldn't feel like a freak. But, you need to realize that love isn't enough for a relationship. You need compatibility in personality, future goals, and in sexuality.

[DreamerGirl27]

You shouldn't feel like a freak. But, you need to realize that love isn't enough for a relationship. You need compatibility in personality, future goals, and in sexuality.

 

I disagree. You can feel a connection with someone whether or not you like the same movies, are going after the same career, and as far as sex is concerned, all you need is to love that person enough.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I disagree. You can feel a connection with someone whether or not you like the same movies, are going after the same career, and as far as sex is concerned, all you need is to love that person enough.

 

If this were true, there'd be no gays or lesbians having a huge issue when they are kids with feeling frustrated with trying to be heterosexual.

 

As someone who has gone through being sexually incompatible, I can assure you that love is not enough.

[greywolf]

I disagree. You can feel a connection with someone whether or not you like the same movies, are going after the same career, and as far as sex is concerned, all you need is to love that person enough.

 

I think that it is possible to get past sexual incompatibility with love. However, it'd be extremely difficult and would involve a lot of sacrifice. What if he wants more sex than you do? Would you be willing to make that sacrifice to have sex with him more often? Or what if you want to start trying kinkier sex while he only likes vanilla?

[DreamerGirl27]

If this were true, there'd be no gays or lesbians having a huge issue when they are kids with feeling frustrated with trying to be heterosexual.

 

As someone who has gone through being sexually incompatible, I can assure you that love is not enough.

 

I don't want to start a gay/lesbian debate here, but I believe being gay is a choice, not something someone is born with.

[DreamerGirl27]

I think that it is possible to get past sexual incompatibility with love. However, it'd be extremely difficult and would involve a lot of sacrifice. What if he wants more sex than you do? Would you be willing to make that sacrifice to have sex with him more often? Or what if you want to start trying kinkier sex while he only likes vanilla?

 

 

what if he wants more sex than you do...

 

first off, ALL guys want more sex than women and secondly, if I wanted to try something my partner was uncomfortable with or vice versa, I wouldn't pressure them to try anything and would expect the same in return. It's not important to me. I'd prefer to just have regular sex always and never try anything "bizarre" or "kinky".

 

Why do you think oral sex decreases after people get married? Because most women don't like it (if they say they do, they are lying...trust me) and they do it to please and attract men to them because men demand it.

 

Once you get married, and have been married for a long time, you'll eventually stop having sex, too. My parents certainly don't...my friend's parents don't...and if they do...they are pretty good at hiding the fact that they do. There is more to life than sex.

 

Also, not to bring up the bible, but sex is designed A) for marriage ONLY and the reason for that is because B) it's to PROCREATE.

 

to have babies. yes, there is pleasure involved, but that's because God didn't create humans to torture them...

[ibu]

Men DEMAND oral sex?

Women don't like it and they're lying if they say they do?

 

Sex is designed for marriage only?

 

 

 

 

Wow, just for once I'm speechless.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Lol. I must either be a man or extremely strange.

 

Love sex. High sex drive. Love giving oral. Plan on always having sex. Don't plan on having kids any time soon.

 

You better tell a guy you're going to marry that you plan on completely stopping sex and oral once you are married. That's called "Tricking" if you don't.

[DreamerGirl27]

I don't plan on starting until I am at least with a guy I plan on marrying, but I will let him know that the idea of giving oral creeps the hell out of me.