more loving less stress

[loving]

I have a beautiful sexy girlfriend that I have been with for 6 years. For the first 5 years we had a great sex life. Over the last year, she still climaxes (and yes she does, no faking with what her body does) but the amount sex we have has dwindled to maybe 3 times a month. In addition to sex, she masturbates as well. So I know its not a complete lack of sex drive. She says its less messy, ie she can just do it and clean up and go on with her day. It is killing me slowly since I could make love to her 3 times a day. We do not live together, so when it hits her she does it. And since she does that by her self, it lessons her desires for it when its complicated due to schedules, work, and kids. I know it may seem selfish, but its part of what I want in a relationship. And this woman became the only woman in the world the day I met her and my desires for her have only grown. What can I do to raise her drive or at least make it seem less a scheduled event. I have tried to talk about it and it has only added to the stress surrounding sex. Any suggestions for making her want me more and making her want to wait for me to be there?

[Sanesoul]

Stress and ease of completion are the key points here. I think if you lived together things would be a lot different. Maybe it's time to think about the next stage in your relationship.

[NR498E]

Look into "sexual polarity". The depolarization of the sexes is the main reason most women lose their attaraction for their S.O. unfortunately you wanting to "talk about it" is only adding to the problem. Your best bet at this point is to go and get a book or two on the subject. I would start with "The Way Of The Superior Man" by David Deida.

[Mauxly]

Sounds like its time to mix it up a bit. you don't have to get crazy kinky or anythimg, but since she's open yo telling you she masturbates, maybe she's open to telling you her fantasies?

 

Some of my best sex memories (the ones I keep in the spankbank) are from a six year relationship where the sex had dwindled due to monotony. He was hands down the sexiest guy I've dated, and we were truly I'm love. But sadly, after years with the same body, we knew each other so well it was like mutual masturbation.

 

He got me to open up about my deepest fantasies and happily obliged. The result was years more of the hottest sex I've ever had.

 

Good luck!

[loving]

We used to have steamy 12 hr events. Crazy nights. And I know a portion of her fantasies. But it's like I know I used to be more aggressive, but after it no longer being welcomed I stopped. Eventually it became negotiations with her schedule. Then it became something that must be done x numbers of times and wait no longer than x or he (I) will be pissed. I used to have the upper hand. She couldn't even bring herself to climax without me.

 

I don't know how to explain how it is or how it feels to be like this. I can't be without her but I can't feel disconnected from my lover either. Women can be so weird. I am probly one the great guys to have....I am a gentleman...yet I am the bad boy. I love her son as if he were my own. I go to great lengths to make her life better. The fact I even have energy to want her is amazing. So why do women flake out?

[Sanesoul]

This sentence right here shows your true feelings for her. Please think about this.

[loving]

Ok...still not sure what you mean though

[Sanesoul]

Ok...still not sure what you mean though

 

You think you are better than her and think it's too much work to be with her. That's what I got from that sentence. I'd feel sick to my stomach if my supposed SO felt that way about me.

[mca1975]

I think this woman is normal and just has her own life, I dont think there are a lot of relationships that continue to have sex every night. Three times a month sounds ok if you're busy and she has the right to masturbate when she wants, dont you?

[loving]

You think you are better than her and think it's too much work to be with her. That's what I got from that sentence. I'd feel sick to my stomach if my supposed SO felt that way about me.

Actually its probably the other way around. I can see why you might see that from it. What I was trying to convey was that I pretty much worship the ground she and her son walk on. I spend a massive amount of energy making things easier, fun, and exciting for her on top of a rather stressful job. I was trying to express that after all of that the fact I have energy to desire is out of ordinary.

 

As far as equality...I look up to her and she looks down on me. I feel more of a indentured servant that an equal. She is a very domineering person to compensate for her low self esteem. The only thing that I would say, other than my patience level that I am per say better than her is that I focus more on the us (both her and I as well as her, her son, and I). It is my fault for allowing it, but she is self consumed in all aspects of her life and I am not. I am not saying I am better. I just hold my relationships (love or friendship) in a brighter light that I do my own. So what you took as me thinking I am better than her is more that I feel I put more effort into support her and us than I feel is reciprocated.

[loving]

I think this woman is normal and just has her own life, I dont think there are a lot of relationships that continue to have sex every night. Three times a month sounds ok if you're busy and she has the right to masturbate when she wants, dont you?

I never said masturbating was wrong. And not I don't really do it, and if I did, I would not allow it to interfere with our sex lives. What I am saying is that part of the excitement and intrigue to a relationship is the anticipation and being with that partner. To masturbate is for release, but if it affects the relationship then its an issue. When you have a partner begging to have more of you and you wait until they leave and masturbate then there is something deeper wrong. I feel its a bit selfish. And she doenst share that she does it, I know when she does. Its not bad sex, she litterally exploids and there is a bit of clean up afterwards, but thats just her body. So to masturbate in this situation is a bit selfish. If I were complaining that I wasnt getting enough and she need to satisfy me blah blah blah...that would be wrong and selfish too. What I am trying to find out is how to make her want me more, how can I be better at making her want me, how can I make her throw me down like she used to. I am not even saying 4 or 5 times a month isnt an ok number (8 would be better I want it be less of a chore and more needed.

[loving]

I think this may have strayed a bit. I guess what I was hoping the masses could help me understand is how to get back to primal need and desires for her. When we are intimate it is very much about her pleasure, which I encourage and please her happily. I just want it be more natural again. Maybe I am romanticizing this too much, but I want her to plot ways to find time because she wants me bad enough or be the way it used to be when sacrifices were made so that she could be with me.

 

Maybe I just love and want her too much? Women seem to want what they cant quite grasp easily. I dont know. I am just trying to be a better mate and find ways to find more overall satisfaction in my relationship beyond fulfilling her needs and sweating in the yard. I want to sweat more in bed. I want her want to wake me up a 4 am again because she wants me. or call me on the nights I dont stay over to get my butt back over so she can have her way with me.

 

Any advice is helpful and thank you all who replied.