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friends first?


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My ex and I are quickly becoming friends again. As of now we will stay friends - as he is in another relationship and I'm not ready for one anyway. But in the future could this lead to other things? It has been effortless for us to become friends again, its natural on both of our parts. He recently told me that he still cares deeply for me, just not in that way - and I feel the same towards him at the moment. Doesn't mean it couldn't change but right now I don't feel the need to pursue him. But it would be nice to know that maybe in the distant future it could turn into something else.

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perhaps, but be sure that you're okay *just* being friends if that's the way it works out. if, for example, in a year he confided in you that he was planning on proposing to his current gf, you need to be okay (and ideally happy for him!) with that. if you think that would crush you, though, then i think you need to re-think the being friends idea....

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Well if you become friends with her you will be hoping for more everytime you talk to her, or any crumb that you can mold into some kind of hope that a relationship is not far off, at least that's how it was with my ex. We broke up years ago and I always hoped for more so I became her friend and gave and gave, tried to be her dream, tried to be funny, my mind was always searching for someway to get her to want me again. I finally had to ask her if she was over me and I got the answer I was most afraid of, but you know what? That one word answer helped me to finally take the steps I needed to take to get over her, steps I needed to take years ago. It finally clicked and now I don't care anymore about trying to get her back, I let her go. She's dating someone now too so that helped as well.


It's amazing being her friend I tried every psychological game to try and win her back and nothing worked. Funny enough the only thing that really worked was NC because that always peaked her interest the most to where she almost wanted me back, but it was always short lived. Now I don't care about doing NC, I am but if she tries to talk to me I will answer at my own pace because she's not a priority anymore. It took me years to get to "I don't care anymore" but I'm so glad I'm here. You'll know when your at "I don't care" because it won't matter that much if she calls or texts or has a new lover or what she's doing anymore or crafting ways to get her back. You'll just be indifferent.


Sorry for rambling - I would use extreme caution being her friend, I had to learn the hard way that it doesn't work at all to get her back. She wants you as a friend because with you on the side she will feel complete because she has you and her boyfriend. If you really want the slightest chance to maybe get her back you gotta move on and go NC. You should only be her friend if you could listen to her tell stories about her and her man having sex or what if she told you she wanted you to be an usher at her wedding? Could you handle it?

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lol well, I'm a girl for one. And I'm only 17 and he is 19, so I doubt he will be getting married anytime soon.


As for talking to me about his girlfriend - if i didn't know that they were together before, I wouldn't know from talking to him. He doesn't mention her to me or any of his friends. So, I don't know. I'm just taking it day by day.

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