What do i know

[newlife03]

There have been some issues with trust in my long term relationship and some quite long time ago now, my bf was caught out having talked to other women online at low points in our relationship a long time ago now after coming up with lets say plausible stories on confrontation, that in time, proved out to be untrue.

Whilst he doesnt get out much and isnt a man around town, there always seems to be something now and again that crops up to cause doubt. We had a short split last year and we were quite honest about our situations whilst apart, although neither of us got with anyone else, he professed that as he didnt get out much, it was all about getting back with me and he was heartbroken.

 

Ive trusted him for many a year now, even at times when ive had doubt - and somehow he seems to be very unfortunate because, like with the last time, years ago, ive never had to snoop, this stuff just 'comes out of the woodwork'.

 

Tonite i was at my bfs and he was showing me stuff on his pc, which he uses for work, he did a search for something and up popped, out of the blue, nothing to do with his search, 3 files that i sorta recognised the type, one was my email addy and there were two others, womens names, one that sort of sounded a bit, how can i say, trampy title? I noted the file type, and didnt say anything at the time, although he did sort of seem to switch the search function off quickly and wasnt happy to go make a drink and leave me in front of the pc, then didnt do the search again, and i suppose the tension in the room increased a bit. It only popped up for a short while but as i was watching the screen intently (we both were) it was hard not to take in some detail.

After a short while of sitting there thinking, and yes i felt a bit uncomfortable in myself, i realised that the files that i had recognised were saved online conversations.

I have really learned to trust this man again, after a big breech of trust in our earlier years, we live apart, we have been through an awful lot together, and I tried to think of myself as being paranoid, i have in the past, questioned things, asked outright and been wrong, and yet sometimes right, (with the coming out of the woodwork thing), ive had trust again for the last couple of years and things have been so good with regards to trust with us in my eyes for such a long time, i wasnt prepared to just jump in.

 

Im quite pc proficient, so rather than go jumping in, making accusations, i thought id come home and check for myself on my pc. To begin with, i couldnt understand why this stuff would pop up under that specific search, as it wasnt relevant to the files that popped up.

When i came home i did find that i was right, that these were online chat files, and the other thing i found that it was in recent items which is why it had come up in that particular search.

My bf has told me he hates using online chat. Even with me. We havent seen eachother as much as i would like but have done so more recently. It could well be that these were old items that he was looking at, maybe deleting or it could be recent activity, regardless, 3 womens names pop up and i am one of them, and this is a guy that doesnt have any female friends, or many male for that matter. Especially as one of the names was somewhat suggestive, has sort of freaked me a bit.

I think he realised that something was amiss, and tried to get me to talk, saying that i seemed somewhat preoccupied after this. Well, hes not stupid i guess, he saw the search come up too, and maybe i should have just fronted it up, i dont know now why i didnt, but i suppose as trust has been fragile with us in the past, and things have been so good of late that i didnt want to go back there and in some ways, i didnt want to believe what id seen myself until i checked it out as he has always told me that he is very anti anything like that and i know he would have a problem with it if it was me talking to some guys online.

 

I know i should just talk to him about this, im just so shocked that weve fought through so much, and i guess it wouldnt bother me so much if he wasnt professing to be so anti all this sort of thing, online chat with me or generally with anyone, hates social networking, it all seems so against the grain of what i saw tonight, which popped up out of the blue. If it was in a long list of other stuff, loads of different contacts, i probably wouldnt have questioned it, but it was just the 3 that popped up, all women.

 

How do i approach this, i really dont like feeling this way.

[pumpkinmoon]

In my opinion, you have three option.

 

1. Snoop through his computer. Not a very honest thing to do but a good way of getting the truth.

 

2. Ignore it

 

3. Next time you are there, as him to perform that same search again in front of you. If those names come up, and I'm sure they will, ask if to show you why they are on there. If he has nothing to hide, he will have no problem with this.