Is self-love the key to happiness?

[tso]

I say yes. I see so many posts here about so many broken hearts, I think " you're all going about this the wrong way". First of all, depending on others for happiness makes you weak. Secondly, it won't ever truly make you happy. The key to happiness is to pamper yourself, remind yourself you are the most important person in the world and everybody else plays second fiddle to your dreams and desires.

 

It is a myth that that those who love others are selfless, and those who love themselves are selfish. Both are equally selfish, but the latter are just more honest.

[Night Pumpkin]

No, loving yourself won't make you any happier.

 

You just need to find the right person. Besides, don't you think that all the people who have broken hearts did it because they loved themselves?

[Tarkan]

I agree with the statement. If you have no love for yourself, what is left for others ?

 

It's like something you have to learn at school. Start loving yourself to get rid of frustrations, angryness and other negative feelings. Then you can focus on the harder task: Loving others. If everyone in the world would do this for themslves and the few persons they love, it would already be a much better world

 

You should read the Buddhist teachings ! They contain alot of wisdom and ways to reach happyness.

 

Besides, don't you think that all the people who have broken hearts did it because they loved themselves?

 

It's because they were selfish, or the victims of selfishness. You can love yourself, be happy with what you see in the mirror and still not be selfish.

[calorimeter]

I agree. Love for oneself is the most important love you'll ever experience. I also consider it a strong prerequisite for any love-based relationship be it a parent's love for a child or love for a mate.

 

However, loving yourself doesn't mean that you can't be broken hearted over the absence of another person's love. It just tends to mean that those who maintain a high degree of self love (and subsequently respect) will handle the situation better and move on faster. The people who post here over a broken heart are reaching out to others for support in finding that.

[Catdancer]

The only person that you can control in life...is yourself. I cannot control my ex. I cannot even control my infant son. They are their own person with their own goals, wants and needs. I can influence them, if they let me, but I cannot control them. This has been the hardest and simplest thing for me to learn, but applying it is a different story. In my relationship with my ex, I always felt like he could not balance and run his own life, so I wasnt going to let him be in control of "our" life. Looking back, this should have been a huge red flag for me. It says that I do not trust him to have his and my best interests at heart. So, why in the hell did I continue in a relationship with him? Because I love him. How wimpy is that? I didnt trust the guy, but because "I loved him" I was willing to sacrifice my own values. Maybe if I had been a little more self aware. Maybe if I had loved myself a little more. All the maybe's in the world will not undo the past. But I can say that I now know that I do not trust him completely. But I have to trust him to a certain degree. I have to. Otherwise I would literally go insane. I have backed off from him alot. I do not call him to come see our son. I do not schedule someone to provide transportation for our son. If my ex doesnt make it, then I dont sweat it anymore. it's a hassle, but I deal with it, because I know that I cant trust him or depend on him. I think that there are degrees of trust. And just because I trust him to not steal money out of my purse, doesnt mean that I trust him not to get drunk and cheat on me. I trust him to take care of our son when he has him, but I dont trust him when he says that he will do something because he forgets or it's not important enough, or he just doesnt feel like it.

 

I cannot keep trying to control his actions. And I have stopped. I cant care anymore. I cannot allow myself to. IF it does not affect me, my son or my mom or my cats, then I dont care. I'm not callous, I just have too much to worry about now and I cannot add his family drama to it. So, I have stopped controling everyone's life, but my own. I go about my life, enjoy my son, my home and all the blessings that I have and I do not worry about anyone else. I literally take it one day at a time.

[aurevoir]

You can love yourself, but doesn't mean you have to conceited and selfish.

But i agree with what you are saying to an extent.

[red_sky_girl]

im in the way to figure out what's loving yourself means...but i think it has not to do with being egoisic of being selfish at all....i guess it has to do with accepting yourself and loving even your weak sides of your character cause even those can teach u a lot..i think it means respecting the person u are and putting your efforts to be the best u can be for your own happiness and for other's as well.

[TasmineFr]

Loving yourself will enable u to love others , if you value yourself you will bring yourself on a positive level and you will spread positive enegergy which will attract people and the chain will go on

[Nixee]

I say yes. I see so many posts here about so many broken hearts, I think " you're all going about this the wrong way". First of all, depending on others for happiness makes you weak. Secondly, it won't ever truly make you happy. The key to happiness is to pamper yourself, remind yourself you are the most important person in the world and everybody else plays second fiddle to your dreams and desires.

 

It is a myth that that those who love others are selfless, and those who love themselves are selfish. Both are equally selfish, but the latter are just more honest.

 

Hmm.... I agree with the general sentiment, but I don't think I agree with the way you worded it.

 

I don't describe self-love as pampering myself, or acting like I am more important than others.

 

For me, making sure I love myself means truly knowing who I am, devoting time to my goals, my dreams, my pursuits. Sure occasionally it can be pampering, but I would hardly call it selfish. It means having the ability to stand up for myself, speak my mind, be my own person and find my own place in the world.

 

All of this prepares me for many things - career, family, friends ...and yes, hopefully a partner who is equally self-aware.

 

Key to happiness? Hmm... well so far so good. Take care of yourself.. keep yourself healthy, and you are far more likely to be happy.

At a time in my life where I wasn't quite so self-aware, secure and independent, I was far more dependent and latched onto my partner at the time... and it was not healthy for either of us.