I Have An Addiction, Just Want To Talk About It...

[InvisibleWound]

My credit card currently is maxed and it is my fault. Prior to all this happening I had 5,000 and something on the credit card, and now its maxed over the 8,000 limit that it has.

 

So all this took place when I started my job at the corner store. The addiction did not become an addiction until late summer, 2009.

 

I have been gambling basically. Buying scratch tickets, break opens, and 649's and lotto max’s, you name it and I played it.... It is one thing to buy a 649 once a week, or a maybe spend 10 bucks on scratch tickets if you have the money but I was going over board. I was spending 20 bucks on tickets, rarely did I win all of the money and over back. I have had times where I spend 20 and only won 2 of it back. And anytime I won 20 - 50 I usually spent it on more tickets.

 

The odd time I walked away with my winnings and did not spend it but hardly. This was a daily routine. I would go to work and visit my co worker who was my best friend, and in front of him I would just be shelling out the money, never once did he try to stop me. It was not his problem anyways we just laughed about it and I made jokes about being “addicted” It got to the point that when I had my morning coffee or tea, I needed a scratch ticket, at least one. It was a terrible habit to put myself into.

 

My boyfriend knew I bought scratch tickets but he did not realize I was spending the money I was on them. He would ask every month if my credit card was getting down, I would always lie and say it was. When really it was increasing like wild fire with debt.

 

I kept this huge secret from him, even up until December when it finally got maxed out. The odd month we were not sure if we had enough money for certain things and he would always point out maybe using the card if need be and I would say ‘I guess” though it was maxed. It never came to that but whenever he mentioned it I would try to get off the topic as quick as possible.

 

Less than a week ago, we somehow lost $50.00 dollars from the rent money, neither of us know what it was spent on or if it was stolen... We needed that money for is phone bill which is now past due. He asked if we could use my card for it and at the point I just was shaking in my chair and blurted out “There is no money on it” I never thought I would tell him about it but then that day I begun to.

 

He sat down with me and asked me what was going on and I opened up to him about the whole situation. I told him I maxed out my credit card from gambling so now we no longer have a safety net with it. The worst part was that I was lying about the whole situation and to make things worse last year he gave me all his income tax to pay it down, so this was disappointing for him.

 

I felt horrible, he even started crying because of the fact that my best friend knew all this before him. So we sat down and decided to make a budget and he asked me to stop buying tickets entirely because obviously it is a problem. I told him I would try. And that is what I have been doing, I have been trying because that is all I can do. I have not gambled in slightly over a week now. I am trying and its hard. I work in a corner store so there are a bunch of tickets just sitting there. He told me to call whenever I had the urge to get one for we could talk about it, which will help.

 

I just wanted to share this because its been probably one of the hardest challenges I have ever faced in my life. Prior to this if I bought a scratch ticket I might of got maybe 10 a year at most. But what happened these past months was just ridicules, it was out of control.

 

My boyfriend believes its both of our issue and he said he plans on helping me pay down my credit card, so that is good. Though I told him I did not want his help with paying it. Truth though if I have no help it will take many years to pay off.

 

I feel stupid and ashamed of letting this happen. The only people who know are my sister, best friend and my boyfriend. I don’t plan on telling any other friends or family about it. I just want to stop and get the card payed down...

 

I was hoping that in a few years if I can control the urge, I was hoping I could buy maybe one a month, but my boyfriend beleives I should never scratch again otherwise I may get addicted again. I just always sort of thought that its not a bad thing when you can control it and there is no *urge*, *need*, or *desire* I know he is right though I think.

 

Well anyhow I just wanted to share this because it makes me feel a bit better just getting it out there and wrote out.

 

Thanks for reading

[Honey Pumpkin]

Good for you for taking the first step forward. Gambling is a tough addiction to crack, and there is help and support for you out there - I would recommend getting all the supports in place that you can, and make it as easy on yourself as possible.

[russ978]

You need to stop using your card 100%...cut it into pieces.

 

 

You also need to stop throwing money away gambling...since you're likely addicted, you might want to check out a GA meeting so that you can talk with other addicts like yourself.

 

Set a plan for yourself to pay down the debt, it isn't your boyfriend's responsibility and if you have respect for yourself, you'll assume responsibility for the debt you rang up and not hold him to it.

 

You need to adopt a little dicipline...once you have cash in the bank, it can build just as quickly as your debt but unlike debt, which lowers your life, assets generating cash can bring positive things.

 

Start to read, understand yourself and why you've done what you did. If you want to change, you will.

[SongCoyote]

Thank you for sharing this very scary and intimate thing here. My heart goes out to you. Congratulations on making it through a week - that's an important step. Here's to many more successful weeks ahead!

 

It is very good that you finally came clean, and you were fortunate that it was over a relatively small emergency (the late phone bill). I exhort you to continue the good work of resisting buying more lottery tickets - completely. Not even one. When you've recognized an addiction, even a small indulgence can be a slippery slope. It's tempting to think about being able to do so again in a few years, but put that thought out of your head. Holding it out as a carrot to yourself can compromise the process, as you can end up only pretending to do the work of overcoming your addiction in order to get a chance to indulge again.

 

I'm very glad you've started on a budget and are making plans on how to pay down your debt. It's not an easy thing, but it can save your sanity as well as your credit rating and your ability to improve your life and lifestyle. Your boyfriend's support and understanding is wonderful; please give him my regards I also recommend going to a support group that can help you deal with your addiction. You're not alone, and others' input can help.

 

One more important thing: be compassionate with yourself. Don't brood over what happened or beat yourself up mentally. We are all human, and we all have flaws. In the end, it's not our mistakes that define us - it's what we do about them. You're doing the right thing; keep it up and you will only grow stronger.

 

In case the subtext wasn't apparent, I've maxed out my credit due to addictive behavior in the past as well. It's hard to get out from under it, but you're nowhere near as deep as I've been, so I know you can make it.

 

Peace be with you, and give yourself a smile in the mirror. Then look yourself in the eye and say, "Good job. You can do it!" It seems silly, but it's a good exercise.

 

Light and laughter,

SongCoyote

[Call of The Zombie]

Hi, have you looked into a support group like Gambler's Anonymous? My father-in-law has a gambling problem, except he likes to go to the track and bet on the horses, or to the OTB and bet on sports games. He's put his family at risk of being homeless twice and the quick action of his wife has saved them both times. He's a good guy but likes to place bets.

 

Please look into GA if it's available in your area, support groups sound lame but can be helpful.

[InvisibleWound]

Good for you for taking the first step forward. Gambling is a tough addiction to crack, and there is help and support for you out there - I would recommend getting all the supports in place that you can, and make it as easy on yourself as possible.

 

Thank you. It is a tough addiction. I don't smoke and I drink maybe once a year, so I guess this was the addiction that just happened. it started as fun then went out of hand...

 

Yeah I am trying to find support and do what I can to get through this.

[InvisibleWound]

You need to stop using your card 100%...cut it into pieces.

 

 

You also need to stop throwing money away gambling...since you're likely addicted, you might want to check out a GA meeting so that you can talk with other addicts like yourself.

 

Set a plan for yourself to pay down the debt, it isn't your boyfriend's responsibility and if you have respect for yourself, you'll assume responsibility for the debt you rang up and not hold him to it.

 

You need to adopt a little dicipline...once you have cash in the bank, it can build just as quickly as your debt but unlike debt, which lowers your life, assets generating cash can bring positive things.

 

Start to read, understand yourself and why you've done what you did. If you want to change, you will.

 

Well I would cut my credit card, but I would rather not, I have it locked in my lock box acctually, that way I just leave it alone...

 

Your right it is not my boyfriends responsibility and I keep telling him I don't want his help but he refuses to reason with me. He believe's we both need to pay it down... He knows I don't want his help but he won't listen...

 

What do you suggest I read, books on addictions/gambleing/self help? Just need more understanding, sorry...

 

I want to change, I am trying, it just from I can see is going to be a long road...

[renaissancewoman101]

Just try to change and I think your bf is really cool and sweet to help you with your addiction.

 

Be happy he is willing to help you pay off your credit card. Accept it but be graceful.

 

I do agree with you about NOT cutting up the credit card. You might need it for emergencies down the road.

[InvisibleWound]

Thank you, a week is not much it is a start. I really think I can do it, I justt need to get the *need* out of my mind for the damnt things...

 

I agree, a small indulgence can cause a lot of problems. If in my life I can buy tickets for fun, sure. But that is like plaing with fire, esspecially now where I need to not buy them at all. I need to stop thinking I need them.

 

Yeah the budget thing has to be done, I need to get out of debt, I am only 23 so this really is not a good thing, all that debt, and the sad part is I wouldn';t be as ashamed if it was college related but its not, its gambleing.

 

Your right, I beat msyelf up easily over many things but I am trying not to in this situation. It makes it harder to recover period I think. If I sit here angry about it all the time.

 

Ah yes I have done a similar exercise that involved a mirror and smile but that was for something different, still a good idea though.

 

Thanks so much for your input!

[InvisibleWound]

Hi, have you looked into a support group like Gambler's Anonymous? My father-in-law has a gambling problem, except he likes to go to the track and bet on the horses, or to the OTB and bet on sports games. He's put his family at risk of being homeless twice and the quick action of his wife has saved them both times. He's a good guy but likes to place bets.

 

Please look into GA if it's available in your area, support groups sound lame but can be helpful.

 

I have not looked into Gambler's Anonymous, but I am thinking about it. Right now I mostly been reading and checking our forums on gamlbeing addiction and just addicitons in general. I am not sure if I would be willing to go to a support group of sorts, though it probably could help.

[InvisibleWound]

Just try to change and I think your bf is really cool and sweet to help you with your addiction.

 

Be happy he is willing to help you pay off your credit card. Accept it but be graceful.

 

I do agree with you about NOT cutting up the credit card. You might need it for emergencies down the road.

 

 

YEah my boyfriend was really upset about the secret/lieing part. Which I can understand. I love knowing he still wants to be with my down the road into when we are old, even though we have had so many problems relationship wise.

 

The only reason I won't cut that card is because I had since I graduated, so late 2005, seems silly to just cut it over gambleing debt, it could come in handy improvement wise later in life. Plus if I ever need to buy anything online or wahtever.

[russ978]

Well I would cut my credit card, but I would rather not, I have it locked in my lock box acctually, that way I just leave it alone...

 

 

 

You think you can control your addiction but admit that it was beyond your control. If you're putting it in a lock box, you can get access to it quite quickly. If you cut it up, in order to use it, you would need to make a call to the bank and wait multiple days for them to mail you the card before you used it.

 

You want to keep quick access to it but admit that you can't control your usage of it.

 

Are you actually serious about getting out of debt or are you going to lock it in a box for a couple of weeks and then run the balance back up after paying it down a couple hundred of dollars?

 

Destroy the card. Debt is toxic...if you want to keep toxic things that you are addicted to around you...that's your deal...but that also means that you aren't serious about dealing with your self admitted addiction.

 

An addict who does nothing is still an addict...and putting it in a box where you can still access it means that you're not serious.

[renaissancewoman101]

I think she wants to kick her addiction to GAMBLING not debt because she is not addicted to debt.

 

From her original post, it seems GAMBLING is her addiction.

 

No need to throw out the baby with the bathwater.

[candykisses]

OP:

 

I was in debt at one point in my life due to gambling. For me it was casino gambling. I have gotten over my addiction. PM me.

[InvisibleWound]

I won't be cutting my credit card up only because if I really do get in a bind it can help. When I gambled it did not always go on my credit card. A lot of the time I spent cash on hand to.

 

I never had an issue with spending and the card, it was only when gambleing came because if I did not have the money I used the card...

 

I appreciate your advice and warning, russ978, but the card won't be going.

 

renaissancewoman101 is right, debt and the credit card are not the problem, the gambleing was the problem.

[InvisibleWound]

OP:

 

I was in debt at one point in my life due to gambling. For me it was casino gambling. I have gotten over my addiction. PM me.

 

 

I PM'ed You =)

[lavenderdove]

You need to get in an environment where there is no gambling.

 

If you work at a store that sells lotto tickets, that is like an alcoholic working at a bar.

 

So the first thing you need to do is to try to find a new job where you are not exposed to seeing something that reminds you of gambling. And if you keep your job there, then you need to join Gamblers Anonymous. If you can't do it in person, perhaps there are online groups, chats, and forums you could join.

 

And right now, tell yourself that you won't just 'try', you'll DO it. You'll stop gambling, and never do it again. All research on addiction shows there's no such thing as doing a 'little' bit of what you are addicted to.. the brain just doesn't work that way. You need to accept this is something you can't do, and it could destroy your life and relationship, so best to just stop it entirely, and find a SAFE hobby that doesn't threaten your life like gambling does.

[InvisibleWound]

I agree that I probably should be in an environment away from gambleing. I can't just up and quit my job eaither though. I am trying to find work elsewhere but not much is hiring right now, and that is making it harder.

 

Yeah I have been checking out online addiction and gambleing forums and reading what I can on it.

 

Good point, I know I can't do it again. I would say that small part of my mind that tells me once I clean up my act I can go back is just the addiction talking. Well I have other hobbies, I suppose that was a hobby to but I just kept doing it because I wanted to win, thought I could win...

 

Thanks for the advice.