Almost like my parents WANT me around my ex...

[Seymore]

So as many of you may know, my emotionally abusive ex once again works at a restaurant I frequent with my folks after Sunday mass - this has been a tradition for my family all my life, and my father had been very pushy about me going, with the mentality of "if you don't go back there, she wins and has control over you", so I sucked it up and I go to the restaurant, and I get through it fine every Sunday. Even though I know she's there, I don't see her or look for her, let alone interact with her and I've gotten used to it.

 

Well, Easter is coming up. Every Easter my family (along with my grandma and aunts) gets together at this restaurant to have Easter brunch. Well, at Easter brunch, we always (and no exaggeration - ALWAYS, every single year) get seated in the section my ex happens to work. I'd rather have one of the nice waitresses on the other side of the restaurant that we always get on Sundays. So I brought this up to my folks and asked if on Easter we reserve a table in another waitresses' section, and my dad got huffy and said "Oh, come ON".

 

Now, this is really beginning to piss me off. At first he made it seem like I'm not a man if I don't go to the restaurant on Sundays while she works there, now that I'm doing exactly that, he's making it seem like I'm not a man if I don't want her waiting on me? Mom says "We all have to do hard things in life, and you have to be a man and stand up". I find this completely ridiculous, as my dad got charged at another restaurant once for plate-sharing and he actually gets UPSET when you mention that particular restaurant and swears he'll never go there again. Over plate sharing...sounds kinda hypocritical to me.

 

It almost feels like they WANT me to get back with her. Kinda like "Move closer or you're not facing your fears. Ok now move closer or you're not facing your fears. Ok now talk to her or you're not facing your fears." I do realize it's been over a year since I left her, but I mean, seriously? If I don't like someone, why do I have to jump through hoops for my parents to get their way? Where does it end? Or am I overreacting here?

[russ978]

Don't let your parents control you like that.

 

If you don't want to go, don't.

[Seymore]

That's almost how I feel, like they're saying "You're letting her control you...so here...let US control you".

 

I don't mind going, I'm just trying to take a precaution that we don't get stuck with HER in particular, and even THAT'S too much to ask. I don't get why it's a big deal.

[JonasWaingaro]

Mom says "We all have to do hard things in life, and you have to be a man and stand up".

 

I don't get your parents attitude here. There's no 'win' here. And it's one thing to face hard things and going out of your way to confront things that are completely avoidable. It's just a restaurant, there are probably a 1000 better ones in your area. I would turn this around and ask them 'why are they avoiding change, facing change?', by not trying new places for Sunday brunch. Nothing worse then a rut masquerading as tradition.

[Seymore]

Right? And like I said, the restaurant isn't so much the issue, I can go there. I like the waitress we normally get on Sundays. But the p's seem to not be happy or think I haven't healed unless I actually go and walk up, stick it in her and walk away without a thought.

[jenny_mcs]

I wouldn't engage or debate them on this. I would say "I'm not sitting in my ex's section and having her wait on our table for Easter brunch. That's final." If they try to talk about it, just say you're not discussing it anymore. And mean it.

[JonasWaingaro]

Right? And like I said, the restaurant isn't so much the issue, I can go there. I like the waitress we normally get on Sundays. But the p's seem to not be happy or think I haven't healed unless I actually go and walk up, stick it in her and walk away without a thought.

 

Nod Yep. I suppose you are going to have to be blunt to them. It's not about 'manning' up and goofy 1950's junk like that. It's about not putting yourself into drama filled situations! Especially on Easter Sunday with the entire clan there. I'm surprised they'd want that, but who knows what parents think. =p Just tell them you are booking a different table. Period. Man up to them! hehe

[Seymore]

I wouldn't engage or debate them on this. I would say "I'm not sitting in my ex's section and having her wait on our table for Easter brunch. That's final." If they try to talk about it, just say you're not discussing it anymore. And mean it.

 

Out of curiosity - would you sit in your ex's section, or if you could help it, would you go to a different section?

[JonasWaingaro]

Out of curiosity - would you sit in your ex's section, or if you could help it, would you go to a different section?

 

Not directed at me, but I wouldn't even go to that restaurant. I give you props for doing that. I would not. And yes, I'd make darned sure I was in a different section. My parents would deal or not but no way I'd be waited on by a recent ex, especially your situation.

[Seymore]

Not directed at me, but I wouldn't even go to that restaurant. I give you props for doing that. I would not. And yes, I'd make darned sure I was in a different section. My parents would deal or not but no way I'd be waited on by a recent ex, especially your situation.

 

Actually, not sure why I quoted that, it was an open question, and thanks for your response!

[jenny_mcs]

Out of curiosity - would you sit in your ex's section, or if you could help it, would you go to a different section?

 

I would definitely not sit in my ex's section. Why would I ruin/taint a festive, holiday meal with my extended family by having it served to me by my ex?

 

But I also wouldn't be having multiple discussions/negotiations about it with my parents either.