When you were finally getting over your ex, they decide to contact you...

[cherryberry123]

When I was so close to finally learning to accept the breakup and move on, my ex decided to contact me out of the blue. Why is that? I finally went out and enjoyed the single life with my friends one night, and the next day I get the dreaded "Hey, how are you?" email.

Do our exes have some sensor that goes off to tell them we're moving on? "Oh no, she/he is moving on...I should contact them right away to pull them back in!"

I'm left with even more questions to ponder!

 

Anyone else can relate?

[EQIQ]

Yep lol. Difference though is that I see my ex twice a week at meetings we both attend. But pretty much for the past month I was making a clear effort to not initiate any contact with her whatsoever, not even a hi. After about 3 weeks of that, for the first time in 4 months she approaches me to make small talk.... Just about the time I was really starting to not give a damn anymore too lol.

 

Now I feel a bit more attached to her again, because talking feels more natural, and we saw each other yesterday, and found myself saying hi to her in a very natural manner without even thinking about it. Then we talked a little bit later on when she passed by me with her friends. But yeah... it is really weird and retarded how things work..

 

I am determined though to not initiate again, and keep doing what I was doing, be aloof and let her come if she wants anything.

[BlueRizla]

Yes..this week. Its a real pain in the ass. I feel I had just reached complete acceptance and then a hand delivered card appeared with a load of cash inside. Instant head****! I was at the point where I only thought of her in a nostalgic way and had given up on ever hearing from her again. I had made my peace with her and myself.. and now its all upside down again. It was just over 6 months NC, so maybe that's a factor. This isn't the first time in my life either. It's obviously coincidence though it happens so often one does wonder if there's more to it.

[glegend]

Would happen all the time, with this girl I was dealing with. We were not officially dating but the way we were around each other it gave off the appearance that we were boyfriend/girlfriend. Things didn't work out. Everytime I would finally forget about her and feel good about myself there she would be contacting me to hang out. She still does.

[GenoGeno]

Is it weird that i hope for that reach of contact when i get over her.

[amandamarie]

When I was so close to finally learning to accept the breakup and move on, my ex decided to contact me out of the blue. Why is that? I finally went out and enjoyed the single life with my friends one night, and the next day I get the dreaded "Hey, how are you?" email.

Do our exes have some sensor that goes off to tell them we're moving on? "Oh no, she/he is moving on...I should contact them right away to pull them back in!"

I'm left with even more questions to ponder!

 

Anyone else can relate?

 

Yes, I can totally relate to this. I was doing really good up until a few weeks ago. I had been over a month without talking to my ex, which was a first since he broke up with me 9 months ago. Then, he tells me he wants to talk, and calls me twice in a week, emails me and signs off "love" which he never does, and tells me how much he misses me, that he can't find anyone to do the activities we did together because its not the same, and lots of other stuff. Totally got my hopes up, and I had been doing so well. But apparently he still just wants to be friends. It is incredibly frustrating when you are feeling so much better and they do this, pull you in and then let you go again. I know it is hard and sometimes you can't help but ponder what it means - but I guess if they really wanted to be with us they would.

[jimmajam]

It seems like that's how it goes, but not always. I've been in a good place for 3 months and I haven't seen or heard from my ex at all. I really don't need it at this point and I'm not sure I want it, but it's kind of sad.

[squirl]

See that email for what it is. It's a demotion.

 

He has no right to ask you to report to him after he fired you from the job of being his girlfriend.

 

If you report to him at all, or with anything more than "I'm busy", you might as well be writing a memo to a boss that never talks to you. He will see all is well with his underlings and keep doing what's he's doing.

 

At a minimum, he needs to say he misses you.

[coyote1980]

Yup, it's always that timing. I wonder if there's a hidden camera in my room or something.

[guiltyflood]

Yep... started NC 4 days after breakup, and was doing quite well with the social life. Then, the day after Valentines, she sent me a message and wanted to meet up "to see how I was doing." It was great to know at that time that she didn't hate me, and I couldn't wait to meet up with her to show her how much I've changed.

 

But, all it ended up doing was setting me back a few steps. When I was doing well, she had to come in (at the most inopportune time, of all places) to try and keep me in her life. Since then, we've somewhat transitioned into LC and have come to friendlier terms. Problem is, I don't even know if I want that, yet.

 

Now, I'm convinced we're mirroring each other: we don't want to be in a relationship, we still care for the other person, and we don't know what role we want the other one to have in our life. In a way, it's even worse than when I was in NC, because at least you knew you were progressing slowly. Now, it's not so much.

 

I'm meeting with her for coffee next week. My guess is then, I'm going to straight out tell her I don't want her in my life anymore.

[No1]

Its just how it is, they are alone, or feel like they want to contact. Dont look too deep into way, just accept they contacted you, take a deep breath, let the feeling pass and then delete the email and or text message.

You should be working to put yourself in a position where you can have them in your life or not. Who cares if they contact you? Its no longer their life you have to worry about, its yours. You must be in a place where you are happy enough to say yes I can have my X or No I cant have my X in my life.

Let it go. Like the saying says, "In the end its how we learned to love, learned to live, and learned to let go"

[squirl]

I probably wouldn't respond to "How am I doing."

 

But in my fantasies, I'd be tempted to write back "I'm okay. However, I have this annoying ex who doesn't want me back but won't leave me alone . . . "

 

Please note: I said in my fantasies (for the literalists).