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Yikes, he said the "L" word


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Quick background information - met this guy when I worked at a ski area several years ago. He found me on facebook/myspace and we had been exchanging very long messages ever since. We met up about 3 months ago, and have been hanging out once a week since then (we live about 2 hours away from each other). About 1 month ago, we agreed to "see each other" and so our hangouts have been dubbed as dates.


This past weekend, in the middle of making out and he quickly pulled away and said, "I know this is really early, but I want you to know that I mean it when I say this, because I've been planning to and thinking about it for weeks now." And then he said that he loved me.


I didn't return it, and I told him this was because I wasn't ready. I think it made him uneasy. I told him that I wasn't ready to say it back. He reassured me that he only said it because he felt it, and he was certain of it. He wanted me to hear it. He also wants to continue to say it, even if I don't say it back.


Did he drop the L bomb too soon? Am I out of line to hold back on it? Is this a red flag about his personality that I'm not picking up on, and should I peace the eff out?


I feel like we haven't had enough face-time for me to say something back like that. Granted, I am really, really, super into him, and him saying that doesn't make me like him any less. However, most of our interaction has been in message form, and he hasn't seen the cruel, angry, bitter, and witchy side of me. As much as I'd like to say I'm as perfect as I come accross during our pleasant, all-day snowboard adventures and fun dates, I do have my flaws. How can you say you love somebody when you haven't been through the tough stuff?

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Don't do anything differently. Just be yourself and don't make him feel uncomfortable for saying it. Hopefully, in time you'll feel it's appropriate to say it back.


I said it fairly soon also but it was because i felt it. A week later she said it too.

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So you don't suppose he said it too soon? I don't know why I feel like it was.


If you felt it was too soon, you felt it was too soon. It doesn't matter whether or not broke some unspoken dating rule; it made you feel uncomfortable, and that's okay.


I think three months is an early, but reasonable, time to say it. It's been long enough that you do know each other fairly well, but I understand how it could make you uncomfortable. It takes some people longer to develop those feelings than others.


The big concern with saying it too early is that that person is more in love with the idea of being in love, and their feelings may burn out just as quickly as they developed. Is that part of what's making you uncomfortable?

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oh no a guy honest about his feelings, uh oh.


if you aren't ready for the L word you aren't ready. i've had a girl tell me in the 1st week. i didn't say it back for a whole year. we stayed together a really long time. if you don't feel love, doesn't mean you don't like the person or it won't work out.

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