When should we have a serious talk about the future of the relationship?

[littleBudgie]

My BF and I have been dating for the last 5 months. There are things that still need to be worked on and we are getting to them, but when is it good time for the "Talk". As we both really enjoy one another.

 

I am now 32 about to be 33 and have been in a 10 year ( which I never got married-engaged but never married) a 3 year with and older man who (went back to his x-wife) and then casually dated for the last 2 years (which was a very growing experience). My BF has only been in a serious relationship for 2 years. Plus, he has just moved to the city I am in and has his 1st "real" job working for the government and living on his own at 32.

 

As I am getting older and know more of what I want and have experienced a lot - I see that I am following the foot steps of my parents who met very late in life around 34 (mom) and 44 (dad)- and after dating for 6 months they got married - and were loving and supportive to each other for 25 years till my dad died.

 

In reading my background a little and his - Should I start poking this young man about the future or just wait a while?

 

Thanks for your help!

 

Let me just add my BF is in love with me which I so don't want to lose!!!!

[FrenchFries]

Maybe I'm the off one, but 5 months does not seem like much time at all to me to be talking marriage. True, it works for some people but not for most. Your parents love story is lovely, but that doesn't mean the exact same will happen for you. Are you talking about asking him when he wants to marry you or just his thoughts on marriage in general? I say give the guy time to bring it up himself. Why the rush?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

5 months is way too soon. Sure it may have worked for your parents but that doesn't mean it is the right thing for your situation. People marry for all kinds of reasons..some people wait and then decide they have waited long enough and the next person will be it...so it has more to do with their life agenda rather than the actual person. It sounds to me like this is the direction you want to take...time to get married now so you can check it off your list of things to do. Right now you two still have issues you are working on and you are still getting to know each other. I would wait for a while and see what happens in the next five months.

[mattj]

I think there's a difference between bringing up marriage and actually proposing- sureley a fair time into any relationship it's reasonable to wonder about it's future?

[littleBudgie]

Should we move forward and keep on dating or should we just be friends as I am looking for marriage in the next two years.

 

Is this something he should know...

 

Yes. 5 months is not a lot but I don't just want to be fill in time for the next 2 years....

[lavenderdove]

I married after only knowing someone 6 months, and really wish i hadn't! We eventually divorced because he turned out to be someone different than I thought he was at 6 months.

 

I think if things are going well and he is showing signs of being in love with you, i would definitely not expect him to propose at 6 months, but certainly you can take a status of where you are now and where it might be going. I do think it would be OK to talk about his future goals, like whether he believes in marriage, whether he wants children and when, whether if things continue to go well with you in future, would he consider you seriously as a marriage candidate in a couple years.