Asking for advice, he left me broken..

[sazi8]

hi there

 

i came here hoping that perhaps someone out there can tell me if what I did was wrong..i am so confused.

 

i met my ex-fiance two years ago on online matchmaking site and somehow we clicked, we come from two different cultures and we live in different parts of the world. in the course of our relation, we endured many challenges just like any other couple.

 

in any case, we got engaged last year and to be married this year. 6 months before the wedding i asked for postponement as he was out of job ( he had been jobless for 6 months) and going through court case. also, there were several issues that were unresolved such as immigration, financial stability.

 

i dont know why i asked for a postponement. i felt such a deep fear, we have been having so many fights in the last six months. its like i dont know him anymore.

 

i know myself enough to say that if a man truly loves me and makes me feel like i am every bit the queen he says i am, i will marry him against all odds.

 

my fiance gave me an ultimatum to continue with the wedding on the date we had discussed or we break up. I knew that i am not able to marry him as marriage is for life and the way we have been handling our issues is a cause for concern.

 

in the end, he called off the engagement, refusing to consider waiting for another 6 months, time which he can take to find a job and stabilise his life.

 

the question is: if you have found the girl you claim you love, surely 6 months is something you can wait?

 

And if you love someone, you would not make her cry every night...

[eggplant47]

Aw honey, I'm sorry, but I do think you did the right thing. It sounds like there were several valid reasons to postpone. Your fiance might be hurt now... but I know I would want someone to be absolutely certain before they married me.

[DN]

the question is: if you have found the girl you claim you love, surely 6 months is something you can wait?

 

To which he could answer "if you have found the man you love, surely you will marry him unconditionally?"

 

I understand both sides of this situation and don't think either of you is wrong. Both of you acted in what you thought were your best interests.

[sazi8]

Hi there, thanks for your reply. he has every right to be upset, he felt betrayed...thing is, i do want to be married and be a wife..

 

[sazi8]

hi martini78, thanks for your reply...i just need to find that closure i need..

[sazi8]

hi DN..thanks for your comments, yes i do see your point that love is suppose to be unconditional and giving..

 

the thing which i am trying to link is the fact that he expects me to just support him unconditinally. I have spent the past 6 months, balancing my new job, cheering and motiviating him as since april last year he was having problems at work, finally he left in september last year after his boss refused to pay his salary...when he wanted to bring his ex employer to court, i asked if it was a battle worth pursuing as there would be drawbacks - the chances of someone hiring a person who is going through a court case will be smaller, and i asked if he could pick his battles..would you rather forsake 2 month salary and find a new job, or fight for that 2 month salary and in the meantime you cannot work, and you cant save for a wedding..

 

immaturity is not defined by him not doing what I want him to do -> and i definitely respect this quote as the world doesnt revolve around me.

 

my response would be: if you knew you had a wedding and more importantly a marriage, you would spend more time weighing the odds. I asked him will he have to pay the legal fees if he lost the case - initially he said he didnt have to.

 

a few weeks into the case, he found out that he had to engage a lawyer and yes, he would have to pay legal fees if he lost. the chances of him losing is pretty high.

 

i wished i knew the answers to everything because i wished so much for thing to be ok..