Rather strange relationship... please help.

[p3rson]

The guy I am seeing has been confusing me for quite some time. Some stuff just seems... off. Some days he is just the sweetest guy ever, and acts like he just absolutely adores me. But other stuff about him is confusing to me. Like, he lives not far from me and we go to school together, but he is okay with just going several days without seeing me or sending a text or IM or anything - which is weird for me and I'm not used to it, but I suppose I can see how some people might want some extra space. Added with other stuff though, it all kind of seems weird. He gets really angry and standoffish about the smallest things (for a while, I thought he was just finding excuses to break it off sometime soon, but apparently that is not the case). And a lot of other things - such as getting really mad if I didn't feel like "doing it" - made me think that he was just with me for lustful reasons. Sometimes I feel like I can't even talk to him about stuff that is important to me, because he doesn't seem to care that much or even keep attention (whereas with his friends he is much more attentive and incredibly helpful).

 

I've tried talking to him about these little things, but he gets pissed off at me for questioning his honesty and feelings for me. Sometimes he even gets this "screw you" attitude where he acts like he doesn't even want to talk to me because of it. But the next time I see him, if I act like nothing ever happened, he is incredibly sweet to me again. So I guess his basic attitude is that he said he felt a certain way within the first couple of weeks we were dating (that I was special to him, that he cared about me and thought I was amazing, etc.), and now, no matter what happens or what he acts like, I am supposed to trust that he still feels that way, or else I am the bad guy.

 

Also (I promise this will be related later)... he is job hunting, and is trying to decide between taking a job here or in another country, and is under some pressure by the companies to make a decision soon. At this point, the logical thing for him to do would be to go to this other country, but he seems like he is not entirely ready for it emotionally.

 

Earlier today, I was feeling frustrated. Ever since I started dating him he's expressed how much he wants me to open up and everything, and I have wanted so badly to let myself fall for him, but the weirdness of our relationship makes it hard to do so. I felt like I was being faithful to him, but for what? So I can feel like I am with someone who doesn't feel deeply for me?

 

Later on, I am talking to him about his job decision. And he basically tells me that part of the reason he is having a tough time with the idea of going to another country is because of me. And then he wants me to tell him how I feel about him, and how I feel about what he should do.

 

That's just how it is I guess... one minute I am questioning whether or not he is that into me, and five minutes later I feel like I am a small factor in a major life decision of his. I didn't really know what to say. On one hand, I am really fond of him, and want to be with him... on the other hand, I keep finding myself wondering, "will things always be this way? will things ever go smoothly?" So it's hard to say, definitively, how I feel, even though I think I would be incredibly sad if he were to leave.

 

How do I handle this situation? Should I just express my desire for him to stay here? Should I be honest about everything (again), and risk him getting all pissed off at me (again)? Is he even good for me at all?

 

Thanks for the input...

[geekgirl4]

Seems this guy just doesn't know what he wants and lashes out at you during those times. He thinks that you should only remember the times he's a sweet guy and you should just trust that and let him have his random temper tantrums? No way! You can't base a steady relationship on that. You should be looking for a guy who treats you well from beginning to present, not just the present. The whole getting irritated because you don't want to do it should definitely be a warning bell! I also think its not a good sign when you want to talk to him about issues and he just angry. It's like he wants you and the relationship to go at his pace.

 

I don't think he's good for you. You've noticed all these red flags so it's time to accept them and realize you can do so much better.