Months later, still no sense

[hopeornot]

I've written a few times on this board in the past, but basically my ex broke up with me in October and used a ton of excuses to mask the fact that she had been seeing another guy and cheating on me. I did not find out about the cheating aspect until Christmas however, and prior to this I had just gone No Contact. I informed her that I couldnt be friends and she was quite upset and said "goodbye forever" and then that was it. In between October and December she initiated contact over AIM, to which I was very distant and short, and I ended the conversation quickly as I did not want to give her the upper hand.

 

In January however, I met up with a former friend of hers whom she had alienated after our break up, and she had told me of the cheating and the lies that my ex had spun during our time together. It made a lot of sense, and after no word from her on Christmas, New Years, and my birthday, and learning she was now dating the guy whom she cheated on me for, I figured I would never hear from her again. At the end of January I got a barrage of texts and an e-mail asking how I was which was strange, but again knowing she had a boyfriend and what she did, I didnt want to talk to her. Since then there has been no contact from her.

 

Now, if you have read this far let me me first say thank you very much and I appreciate your time and patience. I still find that I struggle with what happened and her completely irrational and sudden decision and this is something other people completely didnt see coming. Everyone who knows me and her have always told me that she would come back into my life in the future and realize what a fool she was, as I was really good to her.

 

I had never blocked her on AIM, but I did take a hiatus for a while, and the other night I was online, which was the first time in a while. Upon seeing me sign on she put up an away message suggesting she was waiting for her boyfriend to come over, and of course in stung a little bit. Then, I noticed last night that she has now blocked me. Now, I could be completely wrong in my interpretation of this, but I feel as though her now actively blocking me shows that she must be in someway trying to control this situation because she is so upset that she cannot illicit a response from me in anyway. I also find it interesting that she blocks me after she was the one that cheated and kept reaching out and trying to talk, and I can only guess that she is very upset that I dont talk to her.

 

Again, I appreciate people reading this, and I am actually somewhat moving on everyday and becoming more healed from this. I thought she was the one, and it really sucks when that all of sudden just dissolves into nothing. I guess I am just curious as to what people think about her blocking me now, after 6 months? For those who wonder if I still want her back, I really dont know. Some days I realize how stupid it would be to even entertain the idea, and other days I would still try and see if it were there. All input is appreciated and thank you in advance.

[goldfinger88]

Hey, Hope. First, I just want to say that you've shown a lot of discipline and self-restraint by not being sucked back in and wanting something with her again. That's very difficult for some people, but you seem to be fairing pretty well. So, congratulations on that!

 

I'm not sure if she wants to keep you as a friend, or as a potential love interest for the future, but at any rate she's trying to hang on to you in some way. I'm tempted constantly to text or call the person I was with, but it's out of a slim chance that we'll get back together one of these days. But like I said, I don't know her motivation for wanting to keep contact with you.

 

I haven't personally been cheated on (I also haven't been in many relationships either), but I have a few friends that have been and it's a killer. The main thing I would say to you is this: keep doing what you're doing and cease contact until you truly feel that all you want from her is friendship. That would seem to be the best route to take because I personally believe once a cheater, always a cheater. That's the experience of a few friends of mine. I don't know you, but you deserve better than that.

[catfeeder]

You've got to stop following her actions. Free your mind. The girl was disloyal to you. She doesn't deserve this degree of focus from you today, and it's doing you the opposite of any good.

 

Some people are walking timebombs of disloyalty. They give off red flags, but people who are crazy about them ignore those signs and get sucked in. That's not your fault, but it explains WHY it's useless to try to figure her out. Her cheating wasn't about you, and anything she does now also isn't about you.

 

I hope you'll place your focus on moving forward.

 

In your corner.

[epson391]

Wow I kinda thought you were talking about my ex, kinda scary how exactly the same are stories are! I didnt know about my cheating ex till it was over too. I know exactly how you feel. Hang in there you can get through this!!!!!!

[2000Miles]

I think she is trying to get a reaction from you. My ex has done stuff like this too, its annoying and its always for a reaction it seems. I'd say just keep doing NC. Maybe since you took a break from AIM she didn't realize you were on there until just recently and that's why she blocked you. My guess is she will unblock you eventually.

[GivenUpOnHope]

i thought you were talking about my ex too. i didn't know til about a month after we broke up. then out of nowhere she deleted me off FB and myspace, and blocked me on aim. and now she claims to be in love with this ugly fat loser , she doesn't have a job, car, license, doesn't even go to school. she left me (a year from being a doctor) for that! sighs...