thathoopla Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 in a relationship? I feel like when the passion levels out and people have been together for a while, they really need to be able to enjoy talking with each other. People need to be compatible and complement each other in order to feel comfortable, and fulfilled, in the relationship. True? Do you disagree? What do you think? Link to comment
Salicia Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 I feel that conversation is important in a relationship, no matter how long it goes on so I do agree with you. Link to comment
JackPotential Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 Communication is important...conversation may or may not be a part of the communication. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 I think communication and conversation are about 100% of a relationship. Just like you have to be at least half way compatable in the bedroom, you have to mesh well outside the bedroom. I'm not saying hold all the same views or what not but being able to talk is a very large key aspect of a relationship. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 Communication AND respect is essential. One does not have to agree on every single point but they should have respect for the other person's opinion and they should agree in integral areas, morals, lifestyle,how to raise kids and things like that. Communication is very integral to continuing a relationship. Similarly no communication can end one very quickly. Link to comment
thathoopla Posted March 31, 2010 Author Share Posted March 31, 2010 Him and I spoke today. We're neither 100% broken up nor 100% together. Today seemed like it was going to be a pretty good day. He called me after a very long time. Most of the phone call included me talking about a few positive things, asking him questions and for his input. He didn't say much and there were a LOT of silent pauses. He was mostly blowing kisses, saying he loves me, and saying he wants to hold me, etc. I did tell him I missed him and a few other lovey dovey things but I also told him that I wanted to talk "normally" as well. He hung up and was really mad when I called back later on, telling me that he will listen to me but does not care to discuss anything. But I feel like I was talking completely to myself. I'm not unintelligent but I feel so dumbed down when I talk to him. Of course I love talking sweetly, but it can't be ALL that we talk about. Especially since I knew him since October 2006. It's funny how good conversation can bring people together...but the lack of it can also cause a huge barrier in between them I guess I made this thread to get some validation on this topic, to see if I'm justified in being put-off by the lack of communication/conversation and to see what can be done about it....We've tried to fix our communication SO many times but after almost 3 years, I feel like there is no way to fix it any more. And although we have broken up a million times...I feel scared at considering ending it again. Link to comment
thathoopla Posted March 31, 2010 Author Share Posted March 31, 2010 I feel like people try to impress others so early on, they try to be social and funny and amazing...but then they just show their true colours later on. I can't be with someone who thinks just kissing me or telling me he loves me is an adequate response to every conversation.... Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 I feel like people try to impress others so early on, they try to be social and funny and amazing...but then they just show their true colours later on. I can't be with someone who thinks just kissing me or telling me he loves me is an adequate response to every conversation.... It is a cover to keep you on the hook and hoping you are dumb enough to fall for it. Don't. Link to comment
JackPotential Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 Well he can't communicate...if he's got nothing to say. I'd dump him. Link to comment
thathoopla Posted March 31, 2010 Author Share Posted March 31, 2010 It is a cover to keep you on the hook and hoping you are dumb enough to fall for it. Don't. I have SO much more to me and he knows nothing of it. The times he does get some tidbits about me, it;s like he's not interested. It really hurts. I made a thread earlier about feeling like I'm only good for sex. And honestly Victoria, things like this seem to just reinforce it. Whatever I say is boring/not interesting enough to engage him, but the lovemaking is what he wants...I feel like a phone sex operator or something. I'm expected to be lovey dovey and happy all the time, and not much else. He is not stupid, he has said many smart and interesting things in the past and I find that REALLY attractive about him. But they are so rare and I can't deal with feeling like I'm constantly boring someone who says they love me.... Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 I have SO much more to me and he knows nothing of it. The times he does get some tidbits about me, it;s like he's not interested. It really hurts. I made a thread earlier about feeling like I'm only good for sex. And honestly Victoria, things like this seem to just reinforce it. Whatever I say is boring/not interesting enough to engage him, but the lovemaking is what he wants...I feel like a phone sex operator or something. I'm expected to be lovey dovey and happy all the time, and not much else. He is not stupid, he has said many smart and interesting things in the past and I find that REALLY attractive about him. But they are so rare and I can't deal with feeling like I'm constantly boring someone who says they love me.... You are worth SO MUCH MORE than sex. Do not get caught in that trap. If he does not consider you worth talking to and being interested in and helping you and encouraging you, he is interested in an assured score. THAT is NOT a bf, that is a guy looking to get an easy lay. Never be that~! You are TOO good for that. Link to comment
thathoopla Posted March 31, 2010 Author Share Posted March 31, 2010 You are worth SO MUCH MORE than sex. Do not get caught in that trap. If he does not consider you worth talking to and being interested in and helping you and encouraging you, he is interested in an assured score. THAT is NOT a bf, that is a guy looking to get an easy lay. Never be that~! You are TOO good for that. After almost 3 years, I don't think it's about being an easy lay. But I do agree he doesn't seem very interested in helping and encouraging me. Or at least, he does not see how important it is to support each other. I want a partner. He just texted saying "battery is dying, sorry i yelled, love you". It's not going to fix anything. I am scared of leaving him for this because he will yell and it will be a big mess... Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 After almost 3 years, I don't think it's about being an easy lay. But I do agree he doesn't seem very interested in helping and encouraging me. Or at least, he does not see how important it is to support each other. I want a partner. He just texted saying "battery is dying, sorry i yelled, love you". It's not going to fix anything. I am scared of leaving him for this because he will yell and it will be a big mess... I do not know.....if he is not interested in being a help to your life is there a purpose to have him there??Life is hard enough without people being an albatross around your neck. If it is three years and it is the same stuff over and over and over and you do not have kids together and he is controlling and violent it is very justified to bail. Link to comment
snoopydog Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 Conversation is the most important aspect of a relationship in my opinion. That's what I loved most about my ex, we would talk for hours everyday sharing our thoughts, she completely fascinated me and still does and I know she felt the same about me. That kind of connection is amazing and in turn it made the physical side even more intense. Link to comment
thathoopla Posted March 31, 2010 Author Share Posted March 31, 2010 He's sad and upset at me because I told him I want support....he said he doesn't want to deal with "sad stuff" and just wants to show love. "I swear to you I'm gonna kill myself if you don't know how to take care of me"-----------ugh!! Link to comment
thathoopla Posted March 31, 2010 Author Share Posted March 31, 2010 He doesn't want to talk about anything that's going on, just wants to ignore "the bad". He told me we'll talk when it's convenient. I asked him "What if it's not right with me?" to which he said to just leave him because I am selfish. So I said Id rather be selfish and happy than to be selfish and unhappy. Then he said bye to me. And I hope he never contacts me again. Link to comment
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