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Sad to Angry?

torontonotes

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torontonotes Apprentice

torontonotes

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It's been less than a week of NC... but we haven't seen each other in 10 days.

 

I've been extremely sad.... but today- I'm angry. Pissed off. I'm really ANGRY Am I angry because he hasn't/doesn't try to contact me? I dunno. I'm just really pissed off at him.

 

Please, someone- tell me this is a stage towards indifference.

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AutumnBorn Community Regular

AutumnBorn

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Anger is a positive step. Truly. You have to go through that in order to get to forgiveness (he's human). Forgiveness leads to letting go. Letting go leads to indifference.

 

These stages aren't linear. We move in and out of them at various points. Don't be surprised if you go back to hurting, then back to anger, then to forgiveness.

 

It's OK.

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shes2smart Grand Master

shes2smart

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Please, someone- tell me this is a stage towards indifference.

 

Yes, it is.

 

It's also a stage you can get stuck in (which is not good).

 

Anger is nothing more than energy. You can use it constructively -- fueling you to build a great life for yourself. Or you can use it destructively -- self-medicating (alcohol/drugs/binge eating) or plotting/carrying out revenge.

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andromeda99 Newbie

andromeda99

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Anger can be really productive if you don't get stuck in it, and use it instead to propel you forward and motivate you to get back out there.

 

Sorry to hear you are going through so many emotions. I know it is tough. But unfortunately it is part of the process, and there is hope yet once you get through it.

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torontonotes Apprentice

torontonotes

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well- I started feeling angry this evening POST spinning class.. so, clearly exercise didn't help. I'm back to sad..terribly sad... on the verge of crying sad.

 

it's an unseasonably warm night here in Chicago, can't stop thinking about our summer walks.. that was our thing, waking in the evenings. I'm so tempted to call him, tell him what a lovely evening it is... ask him for a walk.

 

went to pick up a friend, had to drive by the ex's flat... and now i'm home nearly in tears-- feeling him SO strongly (thinking that he must be thinking of me at the same time... no other explanation for how strongly i'm feeling).

 

I really don't want to call him- I wouldn't be able to keep it together.. And i'm home all alone- I could use a reality check. Anyone? Help me snap out of it.

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GenoGeno Community Regular

GenoGeno

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Yeah he probably is thinking of you...but that doesn't mean he wants to get back together with you or he would contact you....unfortunately.

I made the mistake of always calling thinking she still cared and she did...but not enough to go back out with me so i was always setting myself back farther.

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abigheart Enthusiast

abigheart

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torontonotes - I don't think it's going to make you feel any better once you hang up the phone after talking to him if you do. And he IS probably thinking of you, but it's best not to call.

 

A few weeks ago before going ahead with NC, I called my ex for the last time. Tried to keep it friendly, keep myself level-headed but that blew over, and I brought up "us" again. Not good esp. because the emotions were still fresh even though it was about 2-2.5 weeks after he broke it off. So in this case, since you ARE feeling angry, I don't think it's going to help even if you think you just want to simply mention how nice the weather is.

 

Best of luck, be strong! Use your anger towards being productive for yourself. That's what I'm doing.

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yonanz Rookie

yonanz

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ABigHeart-

Thanks for the reality check... so things were still pretty raw 2.5 weeks on for you? Your strength is admirable... and thanks for sharing, because it will help keep me in check

 

toronto, trust them. dont call. be disciplined and be firm, have a grip on yourself. dont intitiate contact.

 

i myself have been in NC for more than 2 weeks. its hard at start ,but it gets easier. definitely there are times when sudden impulse or urges to call them erupts but its still impt to use a tremendous amt of willpower and discipline to resist and fight these urge. i suggest also keeping urself busy to distract yoursel from these thoughts. usually these urges go away after a while...its just that split moment when its really intense. learn to train your thoughts...suppress memories of him surfacing even if its difficult..u just got to do it. control ur thoughts amd emotions instead of letting them control u. thin about the bad times u had with him definitely helps as well as it softens the urge to call him, seeing as what a bastart he can be at times while in the r/s. think about the nasty thhngs hes said or done.

 

anyway, ultimately, be firm, dont call, dont text. after 2 weeks of NC, i feel like im regaining power, and im regaining control of my life. yes, i might still be sad, and still missing her lots, but at least these sadness and missing her are not obstructing me from my daily acitivites, and from moving forward in life. you see, feeling sad, angry, emotional is normal. but what you dont want happen,is to let these emotions take control of ur life, and preventing you from functioning normally. by contactin them u will be reminded again of the fresh wound, of the painful memories. their voice accentuates the pain and the longingness. you spend time asking questions and analyzing about what to say, and what they would say, and what they actually say etc. and u would be even sadder if they responded coldly, or worst still, not pick up your call, or respond in a nasty way, making u many steps backwards. why make life difficult for yourself? you can cut through all this by not contacting your expartner. focus on yourself, on life. set a space aside to grief, but dont let this get in the way of your functioning and everyday life. be busy so you wont be distracted, and soon life will get back on track pretty much.

 

Edit: I can also recommend a method of fighting the urges. just think of it as a competition. do u want your ex to see you calling him/her like a desperado? inside his/her mind it might be "aha! i knew she'll call me. i knew it!" and by doing so u gave him a sense of comfort and security knowing u still pine for him. dont be silly! power goes to those who needs the r/s the least! be strong and show him u ccan go on in life without needing his presence...i have my dignity and hence i dont want to call my ex gf [who was the dumper] and sound like a needy person who absolutely needs her to be alive/happy/functioning and who cannot live without her. i want to live my life for myself and for my family, not for her, or for anyone esle. at least after this incident, i realise love is never permanent. the only thing that is permanent is you and your family.

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torontonotes Apprentice

torontonotes

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ScottishGuy & Yonanz (sp?)

I'm glad I resisted last night--- my sister literally stayed by my side for almost an hour... bringing up these examples of his * * * * * * * behaviour. (For example, he going to find a "bride" while we are dating!!!) That helped...

 

but then again, this morning- he was my first thought. Went to the gym- came back.. and now he's still on my mind.

 

I know I can think of it as a "game of wills" just to get by... but still- I would like to think that a nearly 30 yr old and a 34 yr old can communicate rather than play hard-ball. It's weird, I really admire his discipline and will-power- I didn't think he had it in him. 12 days now.

 

Why the hell do I have to be single when the weather is so brilliant?!? My mood is so incongruent with the weather... oh well.

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