Getting Worse? Am I Being Annoying?

[Max123]

Quick background: She's 9 years older ( 28 ) and has a boyfriend. I've known her for 9-10 months and have had very strong feelings for her for 5.5 months now. I have taken the advice of various people on ENA and have kept my feelings to myself.

 

However, it seems like it's getting harder and harder. I still think about her all the time, and it seems like she's all I can bring up in conversations. A couple weeks ago, she went home for Spring break and I texted her little things every day or two. She only responded to some. It got so bad that I just had to talk to her. I texted her and asked her if she was free to talk last Saturday. We chatted for 20 minutes. I had so many more things I wanted to talk about, but it was getting late.

 

It feels like I want to have a conversation with her everyday. If I see her online, I want to chat with her. Last night, I did a little bit, but at times it felt a little one sided. She did say she had to do some classwork, but I would have at least liked a reply to some of the messages. I texted her today and said if she was free, she should chat with me while I was in class, since it was boring. About 15 minutes later, I sent another one saying nevermind, since I got out extremely early. But she didn't respond to either.

 

Am I coming on way too strong (I always offer help with her stuff and seek her advice too...)? Do you think I'm annoying her? I don't want to lose the friendship...

 

Is there anyway I can stop myself from digging a deeper and deeper hole? It's like if I don't talk to her, I need to and cave in. But when I do end up talking, it just reminds me of why I like her so much and makes it worse.

[aesop921]

Chicks never date dudes younger than them, just like they won't date dudes shorter than them, so just realize that even if you got through to her she wouldn't like you. No offense.

 

Find a girl your age to distract yourself from her.

[coyote1980]

Chicks never date dudes younger than them, just like they won't date dudes shorter than them, so just realize that even if you got through to her she wouldn't like you. No offense.

 

Find a girl your age to distract yourself from her.

 

That's pretty one sided. I dated lots of younger men, BUT not when I was in a relationship. It's a pretty risky thing to do. She already committed to someone else.

[Max123]

I look at myself rationally and tell myself that nothing will ever come about because she's already involved with someone else. However, for some reason this doesn't provide any real closure for me.

 

I just seem to fall for her more and more. And I don't know what to do to stop it.

 

I also don't want to push her away by coming on too strong. Which was why I asked the second point. I'm not sure if I'm initiating too much stuff with her.

[coyote1980]

I'm really against flirting with someone who already has SO because it's no win situation.

 

Chances are you will get rejected or even if she likes you back and wants to be with you instead, you will keep thinking "She might flirt with someone else and leave me like she did to her ex"

 

And it seems like she is trying not to lead you on.

[Max123]

Am I really flirting with her if I just want to chat and have some meaningful conversations? Or, I guess it doesn't really matter, since either way, it's obviously led me down a somber path. It's just so hard to reverse it when talking to her always makes me feel better.

 

I probably would get rejected. But some days it just seems so much easier to tell her everything. I always restrain myself because of what others have said.

 

You said it seems like she's trying not to lead me on. Does that mean she probably knows, at least to some extent, how I feel? I do give her a lot of attention, so it seems very plausible that she'd suspect something. Would it be bad to just straight up ask her if I'm being annoying at all?

[-Sanguine-]

She's got a boyfriend..

back off, please

I'm not trying to generalize, but when guys try to get involved with girls who are taken, they don't realize how much trouble they are causing the girl who they supposedly like so much. so please, leave her alone.. I'm sure you can find someone else to distract yourself with.

[Max123]

Well, I have absolutely no intention of trying to dismantle her current relationship. I definitely don't want to hurt her. I just want to be able to talk to her. I mean, I would love to be in a relationship with her, but that isn't realistic and just being good friends is the second best option.

[HeartGoesOn]

Well, I have absolutely no intention of trying to dismantle her current relationship. I definitely don't want to hurt her. I just want to be able to talk to her. I mean, I would love to be in a relationship with her, but that isn't realistic and just being good friends is the second best option.

 

In that case, since you just want to be good friends, ask her and her boyfriend to meet you for dinner.