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Hi there,

 

I have a girlfriend. This girl is great, she cares about me a lot and she would do about anything for me to try and make me happy. She's going to grad school, she's buying a house, she's smart, beautiful, funny... everything you could ask for in a woman and I've been with her for a little over two months now.

 

So what's the problem right?

 

I've known this girl, who lives about 6 hours away, for about 7 months now. We text everyday and have discussed a relationship. For about 4 months now, there hasn't been a day we haven't texted or talked, probably averaging 20 texts per day, if not more. So this will be girl B and girl A will be my girlfriend.

 

On paper, girl A wins statistically. She's buying a house, going to grad school, she's responsible, lives near me, and I'm certain that she cares about me a lot. The above facts are what differentiate them statistically, so my brain tells me, why would you want a relationship with someone who loses in those categories and is 6 hours away?

 

Sorry this is so discombobulated, but here's the back story with girl B. Basically, we met 7 months ago through a mutual friend (who was interested in her I asked her to go to a Super Bowl party with me because I was interested in her, but figured it was just as friends because everyone that knew her told me she was a non-relationship girl. I ended up asking her what we were when I got drunk, and she kissed me. We hooked up that night and I (drunkishly) told her that I wanted her heart, not her v*****. She told me that she wasn't a relationship girl just like everyone said. So I accepted that and we still texted all the time. So I went out and found a girlfriend about a month after that, we happened to go exclusive a day before girl B was supposed to come down again. So I called girl B to tell her and she seemed fine.

 

The next day girl B comes down still, we get a bit drunk and I learned that she cried the entire night because she had no idea there was another girl. She said she didn't have interest in looking for other people after the super bowl party, but she didn't tell me. I ended up getting out of her that she wanted a relationship and so we talked about it.

 

This past weekend I broke up with my girlfriend for her. We had talked about it and it was what we both wanted. Well I was pretty upset about it because I did care about my girlfriend.

 

Girl B and I talked each night this weekend, but I was a wreck, and her standing point was that she would not reassure me because "you have to be ok with the choice for it to mean anything".

 

Girl B said that "if it was this hard it probably wasn't the right decision and that maybe I should go back to her" even though she says she wants more than just friends. I don't understand how she would be able to say that if she really cared I guess?

 

Current status, I apologized to my girlfriend and she forgave me. I don't feel this was the right decision though, it felt good the first day, but feel like it was a mistake.

 

Sorry if this is long, and I probably left a bunch of details out, but please ask if you need any additional details... I don't know what to do, I hurt every day thinking about it. Any help would be appreciated!

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I really get the feeling Girl B is playing with you. She wants you to want her. I'm not sure that her "crying all night" was for you, more that she wasn't going to have all of your attention anymore. She already knew that you'd be willing to be in a relationship with her; why didn't she pursue it then?

 

I think Girl A isn't doing it for you because you're young and you crave the drama of Girl B. Girl B may also represent a prize to you because you come into it knowing that she wouldn't get into a relationship with other guys, so you feel extra special that she may want one with you. If you do end up permanently screwing things up with A, you will probably spend some time in the future regretting leaving someone that honestly cared for you and didn't bring the needless drama.

 

I think the best thing to do is to take some time away from both of them and really think about it. Maybe you're willing to risk it for Girl B , maybe you'll see what you have in Girl A, or maybe you'll want neither. When you're this confused being single is a good way to figure it out without dragging anyone else down with you.

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I really get the feeling Girl B is playing with you. She wants you to want her. I'm not sure that her "crying all night" was for you, more that she wasn't going to have all of your attention anymore. She already knew that you'd be willing to be in a relationship with her; why didn't she pursue it then?

 

I've been considering that, it doesn't make sense, but the reason she doesn't want a relationship is because she is awful with her emotions... EVERY time I convince myself of this, she'll text me and I'll feel otherwise. Like she knows when I'm fully convinced to be with my girlfriend 100%.

 

I think Girl A isn't doing it for you because you're young and you crave the drama of Girl B. Girl B may also represent a prize to you because you come into it knowing that she wouldn't get into a relationship with other guys, so you feel extra special that she may want one with you. If you do end up permanently screwing things up with A, you will probably spend some time in the future regretting leaving someone that honestly cared for you and didn't bring the needless drama.

 

I have considered this as well. Girl B does represent a prize to me. She's gorgeous and she is exactly what I would want if I could create the perfect girl. How many times do you find a girl that loves football, can hold her own in video games, is going to law school, and is fun to be around too though... But as I said, part of it is the prize aspect as well.

 

I think the best thing to do is to take some time away from both of them and really think about it. Maybe you're willing to risk it for Girl B , maybe you'll see what you have in Girl A, or maybe you'll want neither. When you're this confused being single is a good way to figure it out without dragging anyone else down with you.

 

That's what I tried to do this weekend, but it obviously failed miserably because I feel like there's a huge weight on my chest again. I may just have to ask for some time apart and try and figure it out... I always like to try to see the situation from the outside.

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Girl 'A' deserves someone who want's to be with her for the fabulous person that she is. Dude, your heart is not in it - do the right thing and cut her loose.

 

I agree completely, that's why I told her I had to break it off. It's not fair to her to have someone who isn't fully hers with as much as she tries.

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What do you exactly see in your girlfriend (A) other than her status you're giving her. And what about girl B? What kind of relationship are you looking for between the two?

 

I could see myself moving in with my girlfriend eventually and living happily, but I can't help but feel like there's something greater with girl B. Both of them are great in their own ways and I am lucky to have either one of them, let alone both.

 

My brain says that my girlfriend is what I want, she cares, she does all the little things, and she always tries to make me happy.

 

But I can't help but feel a pain in my chest every time I think I'm risking the loss of girl B and my heart says there's the possibility for something greater there with girl B.

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Okay I stumbled onto you thread finally, I dont know if you remember mine. But wow, one difference, you actually dumped your current gf for girl B....good for you, if that's what you wanted. Because this is not happening on my side of the story..

 

If your gut feeling tells you girl B has something rare and special that A (and other girls) don't, go for B... don't break her heart!

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That's what I tried to do this weekend, but it obviously failed miserably because I feel like there's a huge weight on my chest again. I may just have to ask for some time apart and try and figure it out... I always like to try to see the situation from the outside.

 

I think time apart is key. I'd take at least two weeks and ask them both not to contact you so that you can get your head on straight. You deserve all the time in the world to figure out what is best for you. If you need longer to think, take more time. When you feel pressured to make a decision because of fear of losing one or both of them, try to have faith that it all will work out in the end.

 

You're in a really tough situation. I can tell that you are trying to do the right thing for everyone, and while that is admirable, you've got to make the decision on what is best for you. Good luck.

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Girl B's actions are confusing to me. She doesn't want anything, yet cries all night long when you get a gf, then thinks you should go back to Girl A after breaking up with her? Her actions are all over the place and I think she just misses the attention. I agree with the others, you need time apart to sort out what you really want. I consider meeting the perfect person like seeing the perfect piece of clothing in the window. It looks awesome and great and you can't imagine yourself looking anything but fabulous. But when you actually try it on, it doesn't fit quite the way you want it to and it doesn't look quite the way you thought. Just because someone seems perfect doesn't mean they actually fit with you, so don't always think qualities equals a wonderful relationship. Take time off and figure out what you really want.

 

But here's what I think, if you can't choose between two people, then you don't love either of them enough. You're hopping around from one foot to the other, trying to figure out which one's the one that's NOT right for you. If anything, when you meet someone who matters, you should be able to make a decision easily and firmly.

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But here's what I think, if you can't choose between two people, then you don't love either of them enough. You're hopping around from one foot to the other, trying to figure out which one's the one that's NOT right for you. If anything, when you meet someone who matters, you should be able to make a decision easily and firmly.

 

Perfectly put!

 

Leave Girl A alone.... you're going to break her heart! Girl B will probably break yours... but I seriouslt doubt either of them are your life partner!

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